Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Refugees "visiting home"

412 replies

Notanotherkendoll · 04/09/2024 09:03

I'm not sure how I feel after this conversation with a friend so would like to hear other opinions.
My friend took in a Ukrainian refugee back in 2022, she was a 18/19 year old teenager. She didn't stay for long before getting employment/started studying and was able to move out but they have remained in touch and my friend sort of views herself as the girls "uk mum".
Anyway friend is once again beside herself as she has gone back to Kyiv for a few days. This isn't the city she is from but sadly the city she was from was under siege for sometime and is now mostly destroyed. She is going to visit her family who all moved to Kyiv, as the only girl her family pushed her to flee when the war started but her mum stayed put.

This has me thinking, surely if it is safe enough for her to return home to visit, it's safe enough for her to move back? I thought the whole point of being a refugee was that your own country wasn't safe, if you are going back to visit how can that be the case?

AIBU to think it's incompatible with the very nature of being a refugee to be able to visit home?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Thread gallery
15
anyolddinosaur · 07/09/2024 08:54

Some people are so desperate to see their family they will risk everything. If I had a child in a war torn country and I could visit them I would. I'd consider risking my life the price I had to pay.

This girl is making a short visit, balancing the risk against her needs. Long visits I wouldnt understand.

GoldOnyx · 07/09/2024 08:39

User6874356 · 06/09/2024 00:16

But that’s not the test for refugee status- whether or not somewhere is an ok place to live. To be honest Ukraine is still at war so I can understand the need for asylum. But I find it a bit more difficult in the case of Afghanistan. If you had to flee persecution from the Taliban-why would you visit?

I understand what you’re saying, and I’m wondering the same thing, but maybe they’re not in immediate danger from the Taliban if they’re only visiting for a few days and they really want to keep in touch with their family.

ncforcatquestion · 07/09/2024 08:39

KylieAndBaby01 · 06/09/2024 17:38

you used Ukrainina way too many times in your posts to be a typo

Maybe her n is sticky

GoldOnyx · 07/09/2024 08:38

KylieAndBaby01 · 06/09/2024 17:38

you used Ukrainina way too many times in your posts to be a typo

What does that mean? Is that just an innocent typo or is there something more to it? I have no idea what it means or if there’s a hidden meaning to it.

CarleyBup · 06/09/2024 17:49

Howdull · 04/09/2024 09:07

It isn't safe for her to return home to Ukraine as there is a war on.

She's obviously chosen to do so because she misses her family. Give her a break for goodness sake.

Exactly. I hope she has a safe trip. Must be so hard to be away for that long, knowing your home city is destroyed, your family are in danger and your brothers/uncles/father are fighting and at risk.

KylieAndBaby01 · 06/09/2024 17:38

Newgreendress · 05/09/2024 16:09

Never made a typo, have you? 🙄
I also said "ukrainina" Enjoy😁

Edited

you used Ukrainina way too many times in your posts to be a typo

User6874356 · 06/09/2024 00:16

TheYearOfSmallThings · 04/09/2024 09:13

Some places aren't liveable, but you would risk visiting them to see family who can't come to you. There is a child in my son's class who came from Afghanistan with his mother as refugees - they fly back to visit, but it doesn't mean Afghanistan is an okay place to live.

But that’s not the test for refugee status- whether or not somewhere is an ok place to live. To be honest Ukraine is still at war so I can understand the need for asylum. But I find it a bit more difficult in the case of Afghanistan. If you had to flee persecution from the Taliban-why would you visit?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/09/2024 00:08

Hemziel · 05/09/2024 23:54

OP,
I've just been talking to my nephew who's girlfriend is Ukrainian and it really made me think of this post.
If I understood your first post correctly this girl is in Kyiv right now. If that is the case, last night Kyiv spent 8 hours under air raid alert due to drone attacks. There were explosions.

No it is not safe. That is the risk she has taken in going home to see family. We can all decide for ourselves if that is a risk we would be willing to take but it's absolutely not safe and no one should have to live under those conditions.

Exactly. And even Lviv has just been hit - people have died and been injured as a result. Everyone always says Lviv is so safe but it’s really not if this can happen any time.

Hemziel · 05/09/2024 23:54

OP,
I've just been talking to my nephew who's girlfriend is Ukrainian and it really made me think of this post.
If I understood your first post correctly this girl is in Kyiv right now. If that is the case, last night Kyiv spent 8 hours under air raid alert due to drone attacks. There were explosions.

No it is not safe. That is the risk she has taken in going home to see family. We can all decide for ourselves if that is a risk we would be willing to take but it's absolutely not safe and no one should have to live under those conditions.

twodowntwotogo · 05/09/2024 23:31

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 05/09/2024 16:16

Some of my father's family left Germany one step ahead of the trains to gas chambers.

One at least of them went back to Germany as soon as the war was over to help start rebuilding the universities there. He had a job here but used his holidays to do what he felt was an important work there.

I'm so glad that small-minded people here didn't question his right to have taken refuge here, or his right to continue to live here (and pay taxes here, and suffer shortages here...) while helping the poor benighted country he'd escaped from a few years earlier.

Well exactly - I'm appalled at the lack of historic perspective so many posters have.

Buddenbruchs · 05/09/2024 16:42

amigafan2003 · 05/09/2024 08:13

Why would whether or not someone working and paying taxes change the way you feel in terms of compassion towards thier situation of fleeing a warzone?

We gave her a home and food. I think that says what my feelings about refugees are. What a weird take. My point was if folk do have an issue with refugees going home she at least paid for her own ticket and wasn’t depending on charities or the government to fund it.

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 05/09/2024 16:16

Some of my father's family left Germany one step ahead of the trains to gas chambers.

One at least of them went back to Germany as soon as the war was over to help start rebuilding the universities there. He had a job here but used his holidays to do what he felt was an important work there.

I'm so glad that small-minded people here didn't question his right to have taken refuge here, or his right to continue to live here (and pay taxes here, and suffer shortages here...) while helping the poor benighted country he'd escaped from a few years earlier.

Fluufer · 05/09/2024 16:12

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 08:29

OP this is something I've sometimes thought about. In my small town there are families who were Asylum Seekers and now after many years they hoilday in the same country they fled from, after getting permanent residency in the UK.

If they've been here "many years", they are probably naturalized citizens, the circumstances they fled from have changed, and they have built a life here. Why shouldn't they visit home?

Newgreendress · 05/09/2024 16:09

herecomesautumn · 05/09/2024 08:22

"I have not problem with you"

😏

Never made a typo, have you? 🙄
I also said "ukrainina" Enjoy😁

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 05/09/2024 16:09

There seem to be some people for whom anyone who is not "properly British" is a lesser breed without the law and deserves to be despised – and forbidden to go on holidays or visit their family.

I don't think I have ever met anyone with no immigrants in their family tree at all, though they may have to go back a few years (or decades, or centuries) before their noses are rubbed in the fact that they are no more "properly British" than I am, or than anyone some of whose family escaped from Nazi Germany.

swimsong · 05/09/2024 16:02

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 14:19

@PandoraSox Pakistan and India

On what grounds?
I think you're confused.

Rubyupbeat · 05/09/2024 15:52

My Ukranian friend has lived here for 20 years, so not a refugee, she goes back to Ukraine twice a years to see family and the country she loves. Her village has been untouched by the war, Ukraine is a huge place. Even if this persons family is still in a war torn area I can totally understand her going back to visit, she must miss her family so very much, worry about them too. No one can begrudge her that.

LBFseBrom · 05/09/2024 15:14

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 14:19

@PandoraSox Pakistan and India

It's a very long time since there were wars in Pakistan and India. Many came here after partition in the 1940s, before my time.

n 1971, West and East Pakistan fought in the Bangladesh Liberation War. This led to the creation of Bangladesh on 16 December 1971. Bangladeshi refugees came here.

Refugees also came here from Kenya and Uganda I particularly remember those from Uganda in the early 1970s when Idi Amin persecuted and expelled them. Their ethnicity was Indian sub-continent.

They can all go back for holidays now that it is safe to do so, thank goodness. It must be very hard to leave so much behind. However they assimilated well here.

Refugees from Syria would be in no hurry to return, poor souls.

PandoraSox · 05/09/2024 15:13

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 14:19

@PandoraSox Pakistan and India

Well if they were granted asylum from India/Pakistan and return there, they risk losing their leave to remain in the UK.

However there may be details that you are not aware of. Is it not the case that some refugees from Afghanistan who were in refugee camps in India and Pakistan were eventually awarded asylum in the UK?

In which case there is nothing to stop them visiting India or Pakistan because that is not the country they were awarded asylum from.

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 14:19

@PandoraSox Pakistan and India

Gogogo12345 · 05/09/2024 11:21

Anonym00se · 05/09/2024 08:03

Really? My guest constantly tells me “It’s 30 degrees and bright sunshine back home today”. Her online (Ukrainian) English teacher was complaining that it had been so cold as it was only 26 degrees in July when it was 14 here and raining every day. They do have very cold winters though.

I've been there in both Oct and Dec and it's bloody painful with the weather. No wonder all the people were miserable there ( and can't blame the war as that was before then)

DodoTired · 05/09/2024 10:54

twodowntwotogo · 04/09/2024 18:30

Unlike the wonderful British criminals hiding out in Spain! https://murciatoday.com/six_down_seven_to_go_uk_most_wanted_criminals_still_hiding_out_in_spain_2012430-a.html
Eh you do know UK is no longer in the EU....and 'the standards are too low' - from a country where over 3.12 million people used a food bank in the past year!

That has literally NOTHING to do with refugees, asylum seekers and Ukrainians. What a daft post. Go to a Brexit thread with your anecdote
🤷‍♀️

DodoTired · 05/09/2024 10:51

timenowplease · 04/09/2024 18:24

Do you want to know WHY everyone calls them refugees???

BECAUSE THEY ARE REFUGEES!!

NOT UNDER THE LAWS OF THIS LAND.

which is precisely WHY they can travel back home and not jeopardise their status as asylum seekers. Because they are NOT GIVEN ASYLUM HERE so they are not asylum seekers.

PandoraSox · 05/09/2024 09:58

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 08:29

OP this is something I've sometimes thought about. In my small town there are families who were Asylum Seekers and now after many years they hoilday in the same country they fled from, after getting permanent residency in the UK.

Which country are they from and now visiting?

Fourcandleforkhandle · 05/09/2024 08:29

OP this is something I've sometimes thought about. In my small town there are families who were Asylum Seekers and now after many years they hoilday in the same country they fled from, after getting permanent residency in the UK.