Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Unflip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To think this is asking a lot?!

159 replies

Foodfrezy · 03/09/2024 20:51

Person A works 10 hours a day and drives.

Person B works 2 hours a day but doesn’t not drive.

B would like A to come and collect them after work several times a week, visit a family member and then drop them home.

This will be a 40 mile round trip for A in the evening after work when they’re tired (not to mention the extra time and petrol costs).

A said they can’t do this several times a week after work due to the time/cost etc

B is not happy about this. Due to the countryside location, B’s only other option is a taxi which they cannot afford. B says they cannot work more due to their mental health but because they’re self employed what they can claim via universal credit is very limited.

YABU: A should do the 40 mile round trip for B a few times a week

YANBU: B needs to fit in with when A feels able to do the 40 mile round trip or make their own arrangements to see family member.

OP posts:

Choochoo21 · 03/09/2024 21:41

B sounds like an entitled twat!

If I was A I would be distancing myself from B.

B should try and move closer to this family member if they need to see them so often.

UhHuhHuH · 03/09/2024 21:40

Tell CF your own mental health will be shot if you even attempt that.

Makingchocolatecake · 03/09/2024 21:39

invisiblecat · 03/09/2024 21:37

They don't work somewhere else and need lifts or taxis, they work 2 hours at home.

Show quote history

Oh I thought they worked in the countryside place

YeahComeOnThen · 03/09/2024 21:39

@Foodfrezy

more info would be helpful.

is the relative one of your parents?

Do you visit them or are you nc?

Dors your sibling live with you?

what does your sibling do to help you out?

Do you agree they have MH issues that prevent them working more or are they just lazy fuckers who have learnt to use the right words so you can't confront them?

Is there reason your sib can't live with or near the relative

herecomesthesunyes · 03/09/2024 21:38

Eh just no. Maybe once or twice a month at most but if they’re that entitled then no. Why are they so rural if they don’t drive?

xyz111 · 03/09/2024 21:38

What does B do that's self employed but only 2 hours a day?

invisiblecat · 03/09/2024 21:37

Makingchocolatecake · 03/09/2024 21:35

If B is self employed and works somewhere that is hard/expensive for them to get, why can't they work 4 or 6 hour blocks to save money on taxis?

Or get somewhere else to work. You don't work somewhere you can't get to.

They don't work somewhere else and need lifts or taxis, they work 2 hours at home.

Catsarebetterthanpeoples · 03/09/2024 21:37

Can the person your sibling wants to see do the travelling?

friendlycat · 03/09/2024 21:37

Sorry but I find these types of posts so annoying and pedantic.

Why can’t you post in a straight forward manner.

My sister doesn’t drive and only works 2 hours a day. She wants me to pick her up to visit our parents etc etc.

But of course person B is being unreasonable.

redtrain123 · 03/09/2024 21:36

B needs to grow up and take responsibility for his/her - self.

Ifvtgey’re self employed, they need to do more work (what’s the job)?.

Any reason why family member can’t visit them?

Makingchocolatecake · 03/09/2024 21:35

If B is self employed and works somewhere that is hard/expensive for them to get, why can't they work 4 or 6 hour blocks to save money on taxis?

Or get somewhere else to work. You don't work somewhere you can't get to.

weAllWanttheBest · 03/09/2024 21:34

A makes clear that is not a not an option, B goes nc with A and end of conversation.

LostTheMarble · 03/09/2024 21:34

Why talk in riddles, especially when it all comes out in drip feeding? Let me guess, it’s your sibling and they want to visit your parent/s for a cup of tea/natter/check in and both are making you out to be the bad guy for not doing the grunt travel work for it to happen? You work, you evidently live a good distance away, it’s not something you can make happen so that’s the end of the conversation.

RoaryLion1 · 03/09/2024 21:33

Is there important context here, e.g is the relative B wants to visit very elderly/unwell/in need of support? If it’s genuinely just for a social visit then B is unreasonable. That said, it is expensive to learn to drive, and good luck getting a test - so I think A should suggest a compromise, e.g facilitating a visit each fortnight maybe?

DuskandDawn · 03/09/2024 21:33

B can get to fuck. Entitled much?

Flossyts · 03/09/2024 21:32

Foodfrezy · 03/09/2024 21:14

They don’t need to commute to work, this is a social visit to see a family member they want driving to!

Show quote history

Purely social? the family member they are visiting is not ill or particularly frail?
if not, B can get in the bin. Wtf

LongTimeReading · 03/09/2024 21:31

Not the point I know, but am I the only one to notice there are many posts just lately referencing self-employment, low hours & mental health, and universal credit? Is there something I am missing?

I'm not sure the back story adds anything to the debate anyway; it is not a reasonable request for anyone to ask someone else to do a 40 mile round-trip several times a week out of the goodness of their heart, regardless of how many hours anyone is working or what time of the day it is or what it's for. It's a huge ask.

ThisBlueCrab · 03/09/2024 21:30

You are clearly A.

B is obviously being a complete twat. I work 7 hours a day but due to traffic my commute is often over an hour each way. No way would I be doing a 40 mile round trip on top of a day at work unless it suited me to do so.

B needs to learn what public transport is.

Delphiniumandlupins · 03/09/2024 21:30

FoxtrotOscarKindaDay · 03/09/2024 21:09

B can move closer to the relative and still do their 2 hours self employed work if it's so essential.

A should block B

Good plan

Scirocco · 03/09/2024 21:30

There are some revolutionary things that B could try to improve their life, called driving lessons, video calls, and not being a CF.

invisiblecat · 03/09/2024 21:29

Tell me, OP... is family member C starting to put pressure on A to do what B wants?

ApolloandDaphne · 03/09/2024 21:29

B needs to accepts that they will only be driven to see their relative by A when A is willing and able to do so.

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 03/09/2024 21:27

B needs to learn to drive or take the bus since they have plenty of spare time.

A must be exhausted from.working 10 hours a day, then to have to drive 40 mins and provide a taxi service to B. Screw that.

coldcallerbaiter · 03/09/2024 21:27

Tell them they could work 2 more hours a week and learn to drive with that money. You would be helping them in the long run.by saying no.

mrsm43s · 03/09/2024 21:24

Actually, if this is about sibling B wanting sibling As help in visiting/caring for their shared elderly parents, I don't think it's an unreasonable thing to ask. It's also, however, OK for sibling A to decline and counter with a different offer-e.g. they are presumably frequently visiting elderly parents anyway, so why not take sibling with them as and when they do?

Or is sibling A not bothering with visiting/helping their parents at all? And this is sib Bs way of trying to get sib A to step up?

Unflip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7