To think this is asking a lot?!

If you don’t drive, you shouldn’t live in an area without public transportation. B should move. Perhaps move in with the relative they so desperately want to visit. Kills 2 birds with 1 stone.

B is a complete CF and to be ignored and avoided.

Have you considered muting B and archiving their number?

Very effective at simply tuning people out.

Visit your family when you can on your own.
Keep talking about all the overtime you do and how busy you are on a loop if asked.

"But I have some sympathy for B because I've been in the situation where I didn't feel my siblings were pulling their weight with spending time with our mum"

@fernis I can understand that point of view, but in this case B works for 2 hours a day from home, and A works for 10 hours a day plus commute, so they don't exactly have equal time available for such visits, do they?

Much better! 👏👏

Tell your lazy ass brother to get the bus.

So is this you running your brother to some random family member he wants to visit for a social cuppa and piece of cake? OR Is this brother needing a lift to visit his children because him and their mum are separated?

I think that makes a difference …. If it’s just a little social it would be a big fat no from me!…. If it’s to facilitate seeing his children I’d try to help him a bit…. But I’d be telling him you’re not driving that far after a 10 hour shift and he’ll have to fit round your availability! I’d also be telling him that while you’re happy to do this ‘occasionally’ you’re not willing to commit to a set amount of times a week or to set days..
I think it’s fine to ask for lifts on a short term basis if he was sorting something more permanent … but to expect it and for it to be indefinitely is cheeky as hell…
could he move closer to the family member he needs to see so frequently?

I recently had major surgery, I wasn’t allowed to drive for 6 weeks…. The only lifts I excepted were ones that enabled my daughter to continue her hobbies, as soon as I was able to we bussed to them….
I didn’t once ask anyone to drive me anywhere for my own benefit…. If I couldn’t walk or bus to it I didn’t go. I didn’t see anyone for those weeks unless they came to me. I wouldn’t have asked someone to run me miles and then expect them to sit around for ages before running me home again.

A - what have you told B?

Why can't the person they are visiting do the driving?

B needs to get a grip, get a proper job that pays enough money, learn to drive and if they don't want to do that, move to where public transport is available. A needs to block B if they persist.

Is the person being visited not able to travel? They couldn’t meet B half way? Or contribute to B‘s taxi fares? I’m assuming it’s an elderly parent?

B is U because A has limited spare time and deserves to relax after work, do his/her own social stuff, etc, and it’s not okay to timetable your sibling‘s spare time to benefit yourself.

But I have some sympathy for B because I’ve been in the situation where I didn’t feel my siblings were pulling their weight with spending time with our mum.

I also think you might be underplaying B‘s MH issues. Are you suggesting they are made up/exaggerated? I‘ve had MH issues myself, which meant I couldn’t work FT, and I’ve had people suggesting I was living a lovely life of leisure, which was far from true.

Well, there you are - you have it entirely summed up. B is a Cheeky Fucker who should not be given the time of day.

Now, go forth and tell them to fuck off.

^ this

And there is no legal responsibility to a sibling above the age 18. Why are there so many MN’s who can’t say N.O.

Well that is all rather unfortunate but it's not As problem or responsibility.

Surely no one is so dense that they can't understand that a 10 hour day is very long and anything on top of that done regularly is ridiculous

I just got angry even reading that. Person B needs to pass a driving test and get a car/life/ out of a victim position.

B would like...

We all have dreams and desires; it doesn't mean it's up to anyone else to fulfil them! Next time he says he'd like that, say, "Ooh great, are we playing that game? Ummm I'd like a trip to New York..."

B needs to do one the cheeky fucker.

If you choose not to drive you can’t expect other people to rally around like a free taxi service.

who lives in the countryside in a remote location if they can’t drive?!

stop being a push over and tell your sibling to grow up and stop relying on you.

B is ridiculous

No way 40 miles after 10 hours work,.tell that CF to get on his bike.

Exactly this.

You should be able to read all the OP’s posts by clicking OP Posts: See all.

We’ve established that B is A’s brother and the ‘golden child’.

Depends. What relationship are they to each other?

Well of course it is totally unreasonable to expect A to be doing so much toing and froing. B sounds extremely tiresome and selfish - and a lot of people have mental health issues without expecting everyone round them to fulfil all their needs and wishes. Such an excessive request would probably lead to A having mental health issues too - ie exhaustion.

B can indeed get to fuck, why on earth would you contemplate a 40 mile round trip after a 10 hour day? That’s extremely knackering. I managed a quick dog walk and supermarket trip after work today, I’m shattered!

No that's not fair on A. B needs to learn how to drive and be more independent.

B is a total CF and needs to be told the word NO.