Page 2 | Cousin is having a child-free wedding… but he has children and his children won’t be there?!

Whatdoyoureckonh · 2024-09-03T17:00:39+00:00

My cousin had a crappy divorce. He has two children, aged 9 and 11, and is getting married again. I got the wedding invite the other day and just went on the website to have a look at the details and read that it’s a child-free wedding. I told my mum and she said that his own kids won’t be there. Don’t you think that’s a bit crap?! To not invite your own kids to your wedding???

BettyBardMacDonald · 04/09/2024 09:53

@FamilyPhoto

Why "disgusting"? A toddler wouldn't remember or meaningfully participate.

Not everything has to revolve around children.

Keepingcosy · 04/09/2024 09:51

It's not good in my opinion.

Ok, so let's say best case scenario his kids don't want to go anyway - which is already an assumption - it doesn't matter at this moment. But when they are older, say adult age they might well have a different opinion. "Why didn't dad invite us to his wedding back then?"

Bit of a self esteem crusher.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/09/2024 09:50

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

The last line just takes the cake. He couldn't be bothered with his kid, but other kids were invited and you're proud of this bit of nastiness. The two of you are delightful. I suppose at least you've been upfront about it, so his Mum knows and she can do what she can to protect her son from the two of you.

PepaWepa · 04/09/2024 09:49

I was the kid in this situation. Found out a little while later that they'd had a reception afterwards which all my cousins were invited to (they lived closer). That bit hurt most. My dad went on to cheat, divorce, and hasn't been great with his subsequent children either.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/09/2024 09:41

TheCryingTheBitchAndTheFloordrobe · 03/09/2024 18:26

My kids weren't invited to either of their Dads subsequent marriages. In fact he hasn't even told them about the latest one, DS found out on Facebook

It's unusual but I don't think it's that uncommon?

We found out the day after the wedding. Didn't even know they were engaged let alone getting married. Fun phone call to get. Some parents are shit.

Blackberriesandcobwebs · 04/09/2024 09:39

DS didnt want her own young DC at her wedding to StepF - we suspect because she thought they'd think it was funny to object when the vicar asked if anyone had "just cause"! The DC didn't really get on with the stepF and the marriage was doomed from the start.

Iwasafool · 04/09/2024 09:38

ThePrologue · 04/09/2024 07:31

No they should not!
This whole trope of kids being the most important things in the world
God, the fall-out from this is starting, and will only get worse

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I was 12 when my mother remarried. I'd have been so upset if I hadn't been included although the day didn't end well when my little brother asked if he should call her new husband his stepdad. He replied very sharply that no he wasn't any type of dad. Sad as my dad was dead and little brother desperately wanted a father figure.

Fortunately the marriage didn't last that long although it did last too long.

Iwasafool · 04/09/2024 09:34

I worked with someone who was so enthusiastic about her boyfriend's child, talked about her, planned things to do with her, acted like she was Mary Poppins. He proposed, the wedding date was set, she never mentioned his little girl, I'd just assumed she'd be a bridesmaid as this woman was so OTT about her. Her reply was, "No I don't want her there at all." That was it, child never mentioned positively again, constant comments about her table manners, her demands of daddy's time. She was soon pregnant and off on maternity leave, then I was on maternity leave and then I got a promotion so went back to a different office. I wonder how much that little girl was included after the baby was born.

FamilyPhoto · 04/09/2024 09:28

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

Thats disgusting. My 2 were 6 and 1 and were at our wedding.

Rory17384949 · 04/09/2024 09:22

I think it's crappy yes, not a good sign for the future really

ThePrologue · 04/09/2024 09:20

PointsSouth · 04/09/2024 07:58

They'll be wanting to sit down on trains next.

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I see what you did there!

Biggirlnow · 04/09/2024 08:51

Being charitable, I do know of a case where the ex-wife wouldn't allow the child to go to the wedding unless she did too, and she was certainly not welcome.

But on the whole I hate child free weddings, I think it's better with them.

CelestialNexus · 04/09/2024 08:48

Noseybookworm · 03/09/2024 22:28

You don't know what has gone on behind the scenes though - ex could have kicked up a fuss and cousin may just think he doesn't want a load of hassle and drama on his wedding day! I'd hold off on the judgement, it's not really any of your business!

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I wouldn't marry anyone who didn't want my dc at our wedding.

Not at the wedding, not in the family.

Edingril · 04/09/2024 08:07

Wel it used to be get married then have kids, but these days anything goes

But regardless why can't get people do things differently? What is this obsession of 'how on earth can they do this it has to be the way I say'

If you want to go then go if not dont

PointsSouth · 04/09/2024 07:58

ThePrologue · 04/09/2024 07:31

No they should not!
This whole trope of kids being the most important things in the world
God, the fall-out from this is starting, and will only get worse

Show quote history

They'll be wanting to sit down on trains next.

ThePrologue · 04/09/2024 07:31

Whatdoyoureckonh · 03/09/2024 18:44

I have children a similar age and cannot get my head around not having them there if I were ever to marry anyone else - can’t imagine DH ever having another wedding and not having our kids there. Your kids should be the VIP guests surely?!

No they should not!
This whole trope of kids being the most important things in the world
God, the fall-out from this is starting, and will only get worse

MouseofCommons · 04/09/2024 07:30

It's a bit red-flaggy tbh. I'm sure his ex wife is smugly saying "told you so" to everyone.

ThePrologue · 04/09/2024 07:29

Whatdoyoureckonh · 03/09/2024 18:25

I’d also be shocked if his daughter decided she didn’t want to go - she’s a proper “daddy’s girl” and very girlie and into pretty clothes and would definitely love being a bridesmaid.

Making me dislike my cousin the more I think about it! Maybe I’m being judgey though!

Sadly, you are!
His wedding, his choice.
You don't know how this has been discussed with the kids, and you are projecting that she would love to be a bridesmaid.
Rather sad that you are making judgements based on a wedding invitation. Don't go

Lostworlds · 04/09/2024 07:28

I think it depends on their relationship. I’d hope that he’s spoken to them and they’ve mutually decided not to go so he’s decided no other children.
Ultimately it’s his choice really, not one I would choose but what he may want.

SpanThatWorld · 04/09/2024 07:25

Sadmamatoday · 03/09/2024 22:52

That's actually a really good point, what kid would want to see their parent marry someone else

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When I got married we invited my husband's 3 teenage kids.
One was a witness
One was a bridesmaid
One went to a football match.
All valid choices which happened without drama

nextdoorconundrum · 04/09/2024 07:08

Ericsfurryface · 03/09/2024 18:42

My step son wasn’t invited to mine and my husband’s wedding. He was three years old. I wanted my husband to be able to enjoy the day rather than be caring for a three year old. It made sense to us. We did have a couple of other children at the wedding though.

I'm with you. At that age he wouldn't have a clue and the looking after is much more intense.

7 onwards would be different.

Goldbar · 03/09/2024 23:02

I'm sure he's invited everyone who is truly important to him.

Sadmamatoday · 03/09/2024 22:52

carrotcard · 03/09/2024 19:26

Having married someone with kids they were happy to be there but they absolutely did not want to be "vip guests" or have a fuss made of them. They were fine to stand with their dad briefly as I made a promise to them but that was it. I think it's actually very important not to push the "this wedding is about all of us" narrative too hard and appreciate actually they might be having weird or mixed emotions about it. It's the end of the fairytale of mum and dad reuniting.

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That's actually a really good point, what kid would want to see their parent marry someone else

Nottodaty · 03/09/2024 22:50

When my uncle remarried neither of their children attended. This was though due to his ex wife being very difficult with the children attending his second marriage. So to be fair (&very sad) neither of them had their children at the wedding.

EasySkankin · 03/09/2024 22:42

What a spineless groom and heartless bride.