My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

Yes, just came on to say that! Tell her to send loads of photos and then book yourselves a trip for next year (but ffs don't tell her when and where you're going!)

This your DH is clearly part of the issue here

YANBU OP and as your DH wants his family invited for Christmas then he can cook all the food for the family, including you as you are family.

Happy Days OP. I’d start accepting December plans but I wouldn’t put myself out to ask in-laws plans or hold dates just incase

It stands for Fear, Obligation, Guilt.

Say to her 'that's wonderful, MIL, I'm sure you'll have a great time. Next year we're going to take your lead - we're off to the Caribbean!' And she won't be able to say anything...

You need to organise immovable arrangements and quick if you're right that this is a spiteful move. She might be bluffing and not have booked anything at all, or it will be inexplicably cancelled or something will come up last minute so they "can't go".

I have family members who will straight up lie like this in a flounce, then when they don't get attention they flounce a second time and try and muscle in on others plans because they never had any ... then there will be tears and tantrums that they're spending Christmas "alone" when it was all their own doing!

IF I'm right, and DH is in FOG, you'll have a bunch of guests dropped on you last minute and an even shittier Xmas than usual, stressed out trying to get enough food etc. I'm clenching just thinking about it!

Result!

Next year, put your DH to work.

Christmas is turning into a nightmare for many, or maybe it has been such for a long time.

It's overrated, hyped up, and marketed to be a sentimental family loving load of shite.

In reality it is hard work, usually for a woman somewhere in the pecking order, and simmering resentments can surface esp after a few gallons of grog. Cue mayhem!.

Having gone away for Christmas the past two years I can tell you that barring illness I will never spend another Christmas at home again. No one minded, everyone just got on with what they wanted to do and we all face timed from the sun on Christmas Day.

I know not everyone can do it, but everyone should really try it once. You will never go back to the commercialised blackmail that media and others put on us.

Your husband sounds manipulative and lazy tbh. He is the real problem here. But you’ve enabled it so it’s partly your own fault too 🤷‍♂️

Its good that MiL’s holiday has inspired you to change things and stand up for yourself.

Well…you know what to do next year!! Get to that Caribbean holiday you’ve always wanted ha ha!

Id go away this year... just make sure its not the same carribean island as the in laws!

Don't forget to book lovely things for yourself and the DC for half term, Easter, half term, the Summer and half term again as well. After all, it's all about FAAAAMILY, innit?

Op, can I ask why you do all the work? Why hasn’t your dh been taking (at least) an equal share of the load?

your MIL sounds awful - but your dh sounds exploitative.

What has your DH contributed to the hosting effort over the years?

In laws live abroad and make a big hoo hah over coming for Christmas. Thankfully our house is too small to host them but I ended up doing everything in regard to food etc for a few years and they also need constant entertain as it's their 'holiday'.

Th am fully covid broke that habit. It's very liberating.

They are coming this year and have an air bnb, they've said they're doing Christmas and invited a few extra random relatives.

I have categorically said I am not getting involved in the food, the planning or the ordering.

Will your children be upset if they don't see their grandparents in December or January? Can you arrange a visit to them before they go on holiday (which they cater and host)?

Agree with the others and suggest you sit down with DH and say there are 2 options. He can do all the catering and entertaining of HIS family or you can take this chance and have a lovely holiday with just your household for a change. Point out that MiL has started it all this year by booking something so there's no reason you shouldn't do the same. And don't back down!!!

Same old same old.

MIL makes more fuss/shouts louder so gets things her way.

@ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas What's FOG?!

I’m not seeing what’s funny here tbh. You’ve been skivvying for your DH and in laws for years.

Who cares if they give you hell? Your DH can get stuffed when he tells you it’s family.

You should not host for the next 10 years at least.

chef’s kiss

Tell your "D" H to get stuffed regarding the extended family thing unless he wants to do it all himself.

I'm assuming he doesn't already?

OP, I would have put the flags out! Anyone who hasn’t catered Christmas for numbers of people has no idea how much work it all is! And as for booking things up in December - I don’t think I’d have a single weekend free between now and January!

I'm surprised no one has mentioned it yet but...tell your husband that if he wants your family to host at whatever event happens next then HE needs to arrange, cater and organise it. Say you will happily load the dishwasher afterwards but will not be involved in the planning or anything else. And yes. Tell him as his mother is going away for Christmas then it's obviously fine for you to go away the following year (so you don't have to deal with her two Xmases in a row) to an all inclusive resort somewhere hot. If he complains point out the hypocrisy.