My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

Whatever you decide to do this year, make sure this is you setting the precedent for all future Xmases (and make sure you tell MIL how wonderful a time you had...). If DH wants an extended family Xmas, let him host it all and you can entertain the guests.

Why does it always seem to be expected that the woman caters for visitors, even when they are not her family. Why isn't this a joint exercise. Women work as well these days and why should they have to go back to work exhausted.

Whoo hoo! Merry Christmas! Cheers. :-)

Yes,absolutely, do it !

Yes! And it was all MIL's idea, well done her 😆

YANBU. Quick book something nice and uncancellable before she changes her mind!

I’d be cracking the champagne OP! Book lovely stuff early December then (this is what I’d do because I loathe Xmas for the exact reasons you describe), book a holiday somewhere sunny where someone else can wait on you hand and foot… massages, cocktails and not a turkey in sight.

Christmas is a midwinter festival, originating long before Christianity.

"The origins of Christmas stretch back thousands of years to prehistoric celebrations around the midwinter solstice. And many of the traditions we cherish today have been shaped by centuries of changing beliefs, politics, technology, taste and commerce. "

www.english-heritage.org.uk/christmas/the-history-of-christmas/

OP. Enjoy your PIL free festive season

Yanbu and now have an excuse I mean reason to never have the Christmas you don't want again !

You have dodged the Christmas bullet have it your way and fabulous Enjoy

This resonates with me. I never knew my MIL, as she passed before I married my DH. However my SIL and FIL made every single Christmas hell. It had to be on their terms or else all hell would break loose. My mum and dad loved Christmas, and couldn't understand why my in laws were like this.

All we need is a "I wish my MIL could come to ours for Christmas but she DIED" for a full Bingo card now. Please take this as my contribution, with a pinch of salt on the side. I may not have been the world's best mother but I can't imagine going to such lengths to alienate my children, then terrify them so they don't even dare to keep their distance. It's not love, is it?

Have a great Christmas however you decide to play it. Sounds like you've paid your dues over the years.

You sound quite nasty actually. Your DH wanted a family Christmas, your MIL is away now and you’re still gloating. Grow up.

I wish my PiL had ever flounced of. Count your blessings and do go on a winter-holiday with your own family!

Thank God someone else can see it.

As usual, it's all about the women while the men appear to do very little or bugger all.

We live in such a sexist society, and so much internalised misogyny going on here. The op should have been
'AIBU to be so fed up with my useless husband who expects me to do all the hosting for HIS family, including his mother who's frankly a bit of a pain, amd whinges 'but it's Christmas' if I don't.'
But no, of course not, the menz can do no wrong, just so chilled bless them.

Just go with it and use this as an opportunity to break the cycle and do what you want from here on in.

My MIL did the same a few years ago to ago and it meant we could change things up and now spend Christmas as we please as a family instead of hosting and catering for everyone else's needs.

You could even say 'I'm glad you've booked a holiday, we love doing that and are planning the same for next Christmas 2025'.

You do realise @ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas that this is BS dont you? Queen Bee going away at the one time of the year where she has trained her pets children to dance to her tune?

NEVER going to happen. She is just doing it for attention. Unless you book something away, you WILL be hosting her, without a doubt.

It means Fear, Obligation, Guilt

Most adult children of abusive/narcissistic parents are trained from a very young age to feel those emotions when they are not pleasing the parent. And that training is so strong that it overrides all rational thoughts and behaviour.

I'm sure others can provide links to useful resources but I found Susan Forward's books invaluable.

FOG:

Fear - Obligation - Guilt

Another one wondering what 'FOG' means?

But also, why are you doing so much for your husband's family?

You don't mention is input much?

It sounds like it's mostly all down to you?

It's liberating !

My mil threatened that for years but never actually did it. We invited them every year but as we'd refused to go to theirs (young dc & wanted them at home) she took the hump & refused to ever cross our door at Christmas as she just wanted all her family round her table

She's so stubborn that even a broken gas pipe on Christmas Eve meant she'd no heat & oven & she still refused to come for dinner stayed home in the cold with a Chinese - her spite kept her warm

NC for several years now but still makes me laugh

Congratulations! You have been gifted a peaceful Christmas on your terms!

I wish my family would flounce off .I bloody hate the rigmarole of Christmas. I have always spent Christmas day non stop cooking /entertaining. Also having people staying over means extra cleaning washing etc. I'm sick of it. I would truly either book a holiday or sit in the house on my own reading a book drinking wine and eating a ready meal.

What is FOG?