My MiL has flounced out of Christmas

You absolutely don't have to suck it up, you never have done, and I hope you never do in the future. Tell your lazy, selfish husband that if he insists on hosting his extended family, it'll be HIM doing the lion's share of the work.

Yes, you must take defensive action to prevent this being possible!

Do your own parents join you for Christmas?

@ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas Oh I’d be terrified it’s just a threat and she then announces you have all to pull a fantastic Xmas together for her after all.

Not sure why you've put up with being the family skivvy for so long. If it's your in-laws can you not just say it's on your husband next time to plan, cook and serve. That might make him reconsider having them all over.

I get this from my adult dd. She's obsessed with Christmas and having all the family together - only it's at my house with me paying for pretty much everything and doing most of the work.

I've tentatively (don't know why I can't do it firmly!) put my foot down and said no to extended family this year. Happy to have my dc and my dad but I don't want all the in laws as well.

Enjoy your festive December OP 😀

You can get together with 'the wider family' without shouldering the full burden @ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas
It's everyone's responsibility, not just yours.

its normal for families who don’t normally see each other to come together for Christmas for better or for worse. I guess you have to ask yourself how important it is to maintain family connections in the face of social pressures to fragment and divide people. We are discouraged from socialising with our colleagues out of work, many people don’t know their neighbours, we leave the communities we grew up in, many people don’t go to church so miss out on the support of a larger congregation…
Wider family systems are one of the last support groups we have. You can choose to value that and invest in it or shrug it off as another burden.

Just be glad they’re away and the tradition is broken; I would spend this time with your own family rather than invite his extended family to spite them. If you don’t stop being so angry you’ll ruin your own family Christmas.

I have one of those MILs who punishes you if you don't please her/do things her way/let her be centre of attention. She flounced right out of our life when we refused to capitulate to the punishments. Now she can't come back from that decree because she has too much pride. She really backed herself into a corner. I haven't seen her for 20 years.

Your MIL has inadvertently made it okay for you to go away at Christmas. I'd take full advantage.

Why on earth is it always you providing the venue, food , accomodation etc. How about somebody from the 'extended in law family' getting a finger out of their entitled arse and taking a turn. Just reading your post got my hackles up!

Can’t see what the problem is. Without your PIL you can have the Christmas you want for a change. Leave next year to sort itself out. Enjoy this year.

Was just going to say this 😄

Cannot understand all these histrionics about Christmas. Just leave your in laws to do as they're doing. Don't even comment
Just do as you're doing too. Not worth the hassle. A MiIL speaking here.

My mother twice flounced on Christmas morning the narc. That confused the children no end. @ItsOhSoQuietThisChristmas is very lucky MIL flounced this early in the game.

You have your best Christmas and suggest that the others do too. You're all free, woo hoo.

I think it’s the best news!! She has set a president now… get to a travel agent and book yourself and the kids away for Christmas 2025 and announce with pride that now that Christmas isn’t about everyone getting together you’re very much looking forward to 2 weeks in the sunshine next year!!
and yes absolutely make yourself unavailable early December this year…and I think in future if your husband wants to host then he should be the one cleaning and cooking and you should sit back with a glass of wine!

So she's flouncing off while looking over a shoulder to see if you are looking, and slowing down so you can catch her to change her mind... Glad you've called her bluff and are letting her get on with her flounce!

Yes yes yes

Love it!

Yes! Was thinking this would be a great time for you to book Caribbean Christmas 2025.

I was about to post the very same- it’s a new family tradition now- but be careful they don’t follow you so pick somewhere unsuitable for them - skiing?

I really think you need to say to your OH no more than every second Xmas if it does return to normal and it should be his family that hosts not you. You are your own family unit - is he tied to MIL apron strings?

(The most I do for Xmas is decorations, make the desert- or buy the cheese board, prep veg for OH then drink wine. We have main days at OUR home then my OH visits his family in between, my ‘work commitments’ mean I don’t need to).

Go for it. Had years of my sister in law on another continent telling me how lovely it must be for us all to be together for Xmas together with her parents whilst she had a great time with friends on another continent whilst I was looking after aged parents!

Do your Christmas your way you can't get these days and events back, your MIL has done Christmas her way all her life. Now you are doing Christmas her way!! Book a trip to the Caribbean I'm off to Jamaica for Christmas!
what are the initials used in posts , what is FOG DGC PIL?

Bloody Christmas, I hate it! Causes so many problems. Do what YOU want to do!

I can only read between the lines, but I cannot help thinking that all the years mil has been been persuading you to do something very difficult and tiring and seeing you dash around wearing yourself out, is entertaining.

The words 'everyone together' really says it all. I wonder if she really means it, or if she just thinks she ought to say that? It is something my mother used to say decades ago, a ''why can't you be friends and nice to each other'' when things are heated with my older sister. She wasn't keen on her either, and knew very well that it would never happen!

Take her at her word. Let her go on holiday. Perhaps go away yourselves for a few days (or pretend to)to show you mean it, and will not be buying and cooking all that food.

One day she will need your help, and you will be too tired to give it.