Not giving my kids money while at uni

When I went to uni in London my parents paid my tuition and rent and I had £400 a month from my student loan for everything else. No, they don’t need anymore money.

When I was at uni, about 20 years ago, I worked in a pub a couple of nights a week and got office temp work in the holidays. I’m sure there must be plenty of students whose parents can’t afford to subsidise them.

I wouldn't give them anything. What I might do, if I had anything spare, is to keep it by for 'just in case'. They have enough. Kids that know they have more to come or can just ask are not so careful with their money (why would they be?).

That way, if needs must, you have some put by. If it's never needed well that's something nice for you or for all of you at Christmas/graduation or whenever.

You've done a blinding job!

Do check with local parish councils / charities to see if there are any local educational grants available. There are a couple in our area. They're not for much but can be useful for equipment, books, that kind of thing. I think your twins would be good candidates as the expense of 2 at Uni same time can't be easy.

DD is going to be really far away and the trains are expensive

If you're near an airport, flying would be easier, the Metro goes straight to the airport in Newcastle.

I think if you've not got it, you can't give them it. Simple as that. I hope they enjoy themselves at University, if your DD wanted a part time job tell her to try the pubs near the university accommodation, they'll happily take someone that doesn't want to work during the holidays as they're a lot quieter then.

YANBU- they both have the full maintenance loan and can get part time work to supplement this. If they had less than the full loan there would be an expectation for you to top it up but you shouldn’t need to as they are both getting good amounts.

If you can save anything, just try and give them a bit of help when you can but I don’t think you should feel it necessary to give them a monthly amount when you’re on such a low income- that’s why they have qualified for the full maintenance loan. A lot of students who get help from parents only qualify for around half the maintenance loan and this is why they need extra help.

@Seilla

First thing is for DD is to get a young person's railcard
Make sure they open a student bank account - most banks have cash or voucher incentives.
My son gets full loan and works 12 hours a week in a supermarket. He also gets PIP so with that he is quite comfortable.
I don't give him any money but send him off each term with a pack of sausages, burgers and pork steaks from the butchers. I also do him some home made freezer meals like chilli. So he has some decent meals for the first few weeks.

It doesn't matter what other people do. It sounds like they are both set up quite well and that you can't afford to be handing out money.

Kings has a hardship fund. Your DD should definitely apply for it. That is not a lot of money in London - but she can, get a part time job? Even 6 hours a week or something.

My parents never gave me money when I was at uni, Im a nurse so I got a bursary and worked on and off throughout for spending money. My parents would usually get me a food shop if they came to visit which was nice.

I quite liked being independent and the students who had loads of help from family and never worked always made me eye roll. Many of them really struggled to manage money even after graduating as they were used to having someone else do it for them.

My parents had a lot more disposable income than you do but I didn't get any money from them outside tuition. Back then it wasn't expected. However, my mom would make sure I got her used or extra items like pots, plates, blankets, plantings, etc. I respect my parents so much and, now in middle age, I look back and see how they instilled a strong work ethic in me. Outside short maternity leaves, I have had a job or been self-employed since I was 12 (babysitting). I also have a graduate degree, so working and doing well in university courses is more than doable. Your kids are frankly better off than those who are getting their parents to cover everything, including designers for dorm rooms. https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/30/realestate/college-dorm-room-interior-designer.html?unlockedarticlee_code=1.H04.qX2j.w561BdZ2-J9K&smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

We top our DC contributions up to the maximum maintenance loan, which is what yours are getting. On top of that, I have kept them both on the family mobile contract. Otherwise it's just the odd thing here and there - a train fare if they want to come home, a supermarket shop at the start of term. Your DC should be fine as they are already getting the amount that assumes there is no parental contribution.

i didn't finance my two at uni.. i was a single mum on a low wage and benefits.. they actually probably had more spare cash than i did.

i did do big shops for them when i visited, and i cooked and took food with me for freezing etc.

if they needed extra money then they can get a job and earn it!

Most of your friends will be over the threshold for having to pay a parental contribution whereas you aren't so they have to support them to get them up to the level of a full loan because they'll get less from SLC. Sounds like with their full loans and their grandparents gifts your twins will be fine. Don't worry, you've done a fab job getting them to Uni on your own.

They should be fine off that and can do babysitting or work part time or in the holidays.

Well done you on bringing up twins on your own on a low income and getting them into such great inks you should be so proud of yourself and them 😊

If they get the full loan amount then that's on the assumption they don't get anything from parents I understand.

I'm in my 20s, I got the full loan amount and neither of my parents gave me a penny nor paid for my food or travel or any equipment I needed. Although maybe I wouldn't have needed to rely on my abusive much older ex had I not been so unsupported.

At the end of the day, you can't give them money you haven't got, they don't have much less than you,

My DD is just about to go, we are financially not in a great place so no spare cash, she's got full loan and will have £60 week after rent . She works too so has saved up and will keep working. She is set up with all the stuff she needs. As I see it she will not starve will have clothes and what she needs for her course. and if she wants to do major socialising she will need to keep working. She has v good savings from when we were better off and sensibly is saving them for after (hopefully) I am not going to give her regular money but will do a big shop now and again or treat her when she comes home, maybe send the odd voucher as a surprise. I see that it is her choice and for her benefit to go.

They can both get jobs. It will help in the future for references as well.

It sounds like they will be fine and they can always look for a part time job if they need extra money. They'll let you know if they're desperate, I'm sure!

I’d probably send ‘care packages’ or a shop maybe once a month or 2 of cheap, bare basics like noodles, toothpaste, paracetamol etc. And I’d make sure there was a small emergency fund put aside just in case. But it looks like they’rw actually better off than you at this point op

YANBU at all, I'll be in a similar situation.

they'll probably have more disposable income than you a month. If they could get themselves a little 10/20 hour a week job they’ll be fine, I never got any help

Surely they'll be getting part time jobs? I worked in the campus shop/a cinema/a chippy evenings and weekends while at uni.

My parents visited and took me on a supermarket shop for a stock up each term but that's it.

My daughter did her children's nursing degree. She had full student finance and NHS bursary. I couldn't give her any money. She worked all through uni

It teaches them how to budget. Your kids will be fine