Not giving my kids money while at uni

@AllyArty

and if I had to take on a second job I would

What is your reasoning behind this? The kids are getting full loans and after rent will probably have more disposable income than many families have.

They have savings from work and have been set up initially by grandparents. As a pp said, they will almost certainly qualify for a uni bursary too.

Why should Op get a second job to give them money which would probably mean they had more disposable income than her?

I can understand that reasoning if Op had to top them up, and they were being left seriously short, but they aren’t!

I think, given your own financial situation, your children should try to manage on what they have. Perhaps occasionally, if finances allow, you could help with extra expenses that come up but, on the whole, I think they need to be responsible for themselves.

I know of parents who are very generous with their children at university and I wonder how those children will fare in the real world without constant handouts.

I would give whatever I could afford and do a monthly essential shop for them and if I had to take on a second job I would.

This is so fantastic. Congratulations - that is some incredible solo mumming, to have supported your twins to get to Kings and Newcastle. Wow!

Presumably absent Dad was paying child maintenance which is about to stop for you, despite the fact that you are still financially supporting their living and grocery costs in the holidays. Maybe focus on making your salary work for supporting them when they’re home on their breaks?

Again, congrats :)

It sounds like after bills, they'll have more disposable income than you will! My guideline is I will only fund my kids a cheaper lifestyle than I myself can afford.

I do know some parents who give their all, only for the student to waste it or kind of fritter it away.

It sounds like your Newcastle dc will be fine, but London is genuinely expensive.

Maybe keep any spare money to one side to be given as an emergency fund if their budgeting goes wrong?

They will probably qualify for low income household bursaries too. You don't have to give them money regularly, just a helping hand now and then like a big grocery shop once a term, the occasional train ticket to visit home. If they cook from scratch and budget they should be fine on what they have. It's likely that their friends who are getting regular money from parents are those who don't qualify for full maintenance loans, so actually need the money to get by.

£732 and £563 after rent should be more than enough, although they may need to use some of that/their earnings for second year house deposit. Bear in mind they will be home for approx 1.5 of those 9 months, over Xmas and Easter, with less outgoings.

My DS was at uni 2016-2020, with a year out. We topped up his loan for rent then he had £300/mth in first yr, 350 in second and final. Putting those figures through an inflation calc. gives equivalent figures of £400-£450. He covered everything including food, travel (though was only an hour from home), clothes, socialising. Was in a northern city similar to your DS.

He had worked in retail in 6th form and got weekend work in same store in uni city from April to August of first year, but was doing a full on science course, with labs each day, so didn’t carry that on. He had more than enough and actually told us we could reduce what we gave him!

Your food and fuel bills should reduce when they are not at home too.

I didn’t get a penny from my parents as they just couldn’t afford it. It was a very good lesson in budgeting and making my own money if I wanted more. It gave me such good skills re: personal budgeting that I still use today (albeit in apps and a spreadsheet and not scrawled on the back of an envelope anymore 🤣)

I’m sure they’ll find part-time work around their studies!

My two girls are both up in Newcastle too. One just finished her Masters and one in her 3rd year of her degree. I’m a single mum and although I have a okay job they both got near enough the full maintenance loan. I didn’t top it up as they had plenty for rent, bills and food.

Both had part time jobs (all their friends do too) and seem to be financially sound with no shortage of clothes, social life and a holiday! Both have a car too. They know if they need a lend they can come to me but other than that they like the independence.

What are they studying? My brother did history, which was about 5 hours a week contact time. I did a healthcare course which was 40 hours a week, and couldn't get a part time job as I moved to a different town on placement every 2 months. So their ability to earn money may vary

If you genuinely can’t afford it then of course you are not being unreasonable.

It will be good for them to have a part time job so long as it still gives them time to do uni work. I worked all through uni. But I also lived at home too so that took pressure off me and my family.

If you can afford to help them out from time to time then I think that might be more beneficial - you can budget for this easier than a regular payment.

Honestly though, the best thing you can give them is reassurance that you are there for them if anything goes wrong - home is always there for them etc.

Their father should be financially contributing…

we were anti student loan for covering cost of living expenses, but then there were 2 of us.

DD was a sensible girl, hates spending and cooked a lot of meals in a slow cooker and microwave rice steamer (she was in private halls where each room had an ensuite and kitchenette).

Food was stolen frequently from the shared main hall kitchens so we bought an under desk fridge that had a very small freezer compartment. It was big enough though to do the job. We just had to get it tagged by an electrician to meet hall rules on electrical items.

we also bought second hand books when they were current for her year and new ones when they were not. Stationery etc. that adds up.

I would top up her fuel tank and pay annual expenses for the car. Pop gave her his car prior to his bowel cancer operation which he passed away from 3 days later.

but in your case I would be hitting up their father to co- contribute.

YANBU.
They sound like hardworking and intelligent young people. Your DD especially choosing a London university must've done her research as to how much everything costs.
They'll be fine.

Also this was years ago now but when I was at uni ,I did casual event work for London venues.... Almost always got spare food to take home!

Well if you earn 24k a year I can’t see you will have much left after bills. If it’s a case of not being able to afford to then of course you aren’t being unreasonable

I think they can manage on what youndescribe they'll have, and they can always take on a student job in their university town. Since you're not exactly a millionaire yourself I think you've done your bit in supporting them and now even paying for their phones!

Sounds like you're in a similar position to me, and I'm definitely not intending to give my dd any additional regular cash, although I am buying her stuff before she goes and will do a big shop when I drop her off. She's going to a pretty cheap area, has some savings for any big purchases and will have around £100 a week left of her loan after rent which should really be fine for general living expenses.

I didn't finance the youngster I had a residence order for at university as I am on a pension. You can't give what you don't have.

I don’t think you should give them pocket money, but I think care packages are always well received when your a student.

My DH got nothing from his family whilst at university, he had to work evenings all the time he was there and work through the holidays. In those days you got £50 if your family was considered well-off and your family was supposed to make it up to the equivalent of a full grant. He always says it was tough but it probably made him the person he is today.
£700 per month after rent sound fine to me provided DD doesn't live too far from central London, otherwise fares might take a hefty chunk. Also depends on what course she is doing, so what books etc she will need to buy,
Bear in mind that Kings is Russell Group and (depending on her course) some of her cohort may be very well off so their socialising will be expensive - but by no means all are like this.

My DS got the full loan and no contributions from us as there was nothing to spare.

I did have guilt about this but he managed his money impeccably, eating healthily but cheaply, paying for student gym membership, going out and even having a few holidays with friends.

He can now feel extra proud that he got himself through university without any help, so there’s that.

If you can afford to give them the occasional £20-£50, maybe when they visit I'm sure they'd be grateful but if you can't afford to I think it sounds like they'll get by and can work if they need to. There's a huge mixture students of different financial situations at uni and they work out their own way to get by.

Are you insane ?
That's loads for a student.
They're young fit and healthy, they can get evening jobs if they want more money.
You are not a cash cow, you cannot afford it and even if you could, that's not the way.
They need to learn to budget, or work, or both.

They've got the full loan and have savings
You are on a low salary.
They will be fine for this year.
They will need to top up savings by working so they also have a buffer for next year.
We topped up our DC to maximum loan.
However I did kit them out for uni, duvets, bedding, pots and pans, crockery etc
I also drove them to and from uni at start and end of each term, and bought occasional train ticket home.
I also pay phone contracts and for any dental appointments and prescriptions.
They need to budget you may need to initiallly help with this. Can you help them in emergencies?

I think they have plenty money.

As others have pointed out, things like trains home can be expensive. That doesn't mean you need to fund them. They can get the bus instead. I don't think I ever traveled on a long distance train until after I finished uni. As a student, I always did the London-Scotland journey by megabus.

My dd is at Newcastle and is going in to her third year. She only has her loan to live on and she lives comfortably. No travel costs and a relatively cheap rent compared to the other places she looked at. We don't give her any additional money.