Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mil forcing dinner

403 replies

Pleeeeaaasehelp · 03/09/2024 15:50

I’ll make it brief. Mil has never liked me, never really tried to hide it even in front of the kids( constant rudeness and belittling). We don’t see her often as she lives abroad. She’s not your normal Gma, never Birthday or Xmas gifts! But every time we do see her someone ( usually more than one!) ends up in tears when she leaves.
Now the kids are all young adults they don’t want anything to do with her. They pretend phones aren’t working etc…. However that comes back on me.. I’ve turned them against her.
I really haven’t.
For 30 years I’ve put up with her emotional abuse.
Anyway…. She’s coming over, demanding a family meeting about how badly she is treated in this family.
I’ve finally decided I can’t face her anymore and I don’t want to go. I’ve spent 27 years saying to DH it’s only a week, it’s your mum etc…. ( He gave up years ago)
Aibu.
Go She’s old, you’ve put up with it for this long…..

Uanbu. Don't go, let shit hit the fan, but know you’ve been forced a death by a thousand cuts

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
traybake81 · 14/10/2024 20:37

on the basis of how simpering he’s been for the last three decades, I reckon he just said to his mother that the OP was going through the menopause, was in a highly emotional and unstable state, and that for his mothers own safety she would give them some space

but she will be back and once again it will be up to one of the children to deal with her as the OP and DH look on trembling!

T1Dmama · 13/10/2024 10:58

I’d also want to know. Not the finer detwils
maybe but I’d want to know if he challenged her behaviour and whether he told her not to hassle his children at their lave of work etc

AcrossthePond55 · 12/10/2024 17:28

Pleeeeaaasehelp · 12/10/2024 08:16

@Thunderpants88 , no he never mentioned his conversation with her. I’m sure one day he’ll spill the beans……

I'd want to know. Especially before MiL's next visit to the UK!!

Random shit she pulls when she's far away I could probably ignore. But if she's going to pull her same antics next time she comes over, I'd want to know what DH said to her so I could either back him up or counter it with plans of my own.

Terrribletwos · 12/10/2024 13:23

Pleeeeaaasehelp · 12/10/2024 08:16

@Thunderpants88 , no he never mentioned his conversation with her. I’m sure one day he’ll spill the beans……

Strange that he wouldn't mention the conversation with her, I would definitely want to know but I am guessing he wants to protect you and, therefore, it was not great. I would still want to know nonetheless as it would bug me not knowing.

Original poster
Pleeeeaaasehelp · 12/10/2024 08:16

@Thunderpants88 , no he never mentioned his conversation with her. I’m sure one day he’ll spill the beans……

OP posts:
ketchupjap · 11/10/2024 13:46

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ketchupjap · 11/10/2024 13:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

andthat · 11/10/2024 13:44

Pleeeeaaasehelp · 03/09/2024 16:12

Yes, she turns up, wanting to see him, is always rude to me. So I pretended not to hear the door.

I didn’t want to be the cause of the breakdown of the relationship between DH and his mother. So I put up with a lot of shit. I was wrong. I should have put my foot down sooner

Show quote history

So put it down now. And that includes with your DH. It’s time he stood up to her and put a stop to this nonsense.

ketchupjap · 11/10/2024 13:42

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Thunderpants88 · 29/09/2024 23:18

@Pleeeeaaasehelp yay go DH!

did he ever tell you what was said? What she was complaining about?

NewName24 · 29/09/2024 15:30

That's good news.

Thanks for coming back to update the thread.

Original poster
Pleeeeaaasehelp · 29/09/2024 13:14

Ok, so a few weeks after hubby chat!

She’s left the country ( had spoken to hubby apparently) but none of the rest of us have heard a squeak.

I call that a win

Thanks all xx

OP posts:
bubblebub1 · 24/09/2024 18:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Howmyhairlookman · 10/09/2024 17:14

Any sign of MiLzilla today?

BabaYetu · 10/09/2024 09:57

RunningJo · 10/09/2024 09:46

No, of course you don't have to go, & then it's up to your husband if he wants to maintain any relationship with her or not. No one can demand people see them - family or not

You ideally should read all the OP’s comments. It’s all moved on a very long way.

See All in the bottom right of the OP gives you all her updates.

(I mean this generally, not just aimed at you. It gets very Cancel The Cheque after a bit)

RunningJo · 10/09/2024 09:46

No, of course you don't have to go, & then it's up to your husband if he wants to maintain any relationship with her or not. No one can demand people see them - family or not

nailclipper · 10/09/2024 09:43

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/09/2024 09:41

jetbot · 09/09/2024 10:07

You would have left your own home? WTF

Show quote history

If I wasn’t expecting her, yes, I’d reverse out of my driveway and go have dinner somewhere else and only return home when she’s gone.

Or I’d walk into the house and not even acknowledge her.

She has no right to be there.

Mamasperspective · 09/09/2024 18:20

Sorry, should have bothered to read all the comments ... sounds like you had more drama since!

Mamasperspective · 09/09/2024 18:18

Up to you if you take any of this advice or not but if this was me, this would be the approach I would take:

Have a family meeting ... without her. Tell your husband that you don't want to see or hear from her again, she's not welcome in your home, you will be blocking her on all forms of communication and if he wants to continue to have a relationship, that's on him. I would say to the kids that they can 100% make their own decision whether they want a relationship with her or not and they will not get in trouble either way. I would then tell MIL that you have had enough of this constant back and forth with her so you will no longer continue any form of relationship. I would tell her that your priority is your immediate family within your household and she is extended family. I would say that the children have sat with you and DH and have been given the choice whether they want to have a relationship with her but the fact she blames you for influencing them over the fact they have witnessed her consistent poor behaviour is laughable. Tell her to take this time for some self reflection because nobody wishes to have a family meeting with her and the answer is no. Tell DH to deal with her from now on (if he chooses to) and that you don't even want to entertain any conversation about her from now on. I wouldn't even give her the opportunity to respond to your message - you're being courteous to oven tell her instead of just cutting her off. Block her (and the kids have the freedom to do the same if they want) and enjoy your peace.

nailclipper · 09/09/2024 17:09

This reply has been deleted

This was the work of a previously banned poster.

NoThanksymm · 09/09/2024 13:16

It’s a MIL. Let hubby take the lead. His family, his problem.

jetbot · 09/09/2024 10:07

LookItsMeAgain · 09/09/2024 10:05

If I had arrived home to find MiL on the driveway parked in her car, I would have reversed out of the driveway and gone somewhere else - even for the night or arrived home at 11pm or something and kids straight to bed.

You made it clear you didn't want to see her.
Your son made it clear he didn't want to see her
Your DH made it somewhat clear that he didn't want to see her...so why was she given an hour of your DH's time after making it clear that NO ONE WANTED TO SEE HER????

Your DH should have gone into the house and phoned the police to say that his mother, who is is being harassed by, is parked on his driveway and he doesn't want anything to do with her and what can they advise here?

You would have left your own home? WTF

LookItsMeAgain · 09/09/2024 10:05

If I had arrived home to find MiL on the driveway parked in her car, I would have reversed out of the driveway and gone somewhere else - even for the night or arrived home at 11pm or something and kids straight to bed.

You made it clear you didn't want to see her.
Your son made it clear he didn't want to see her
Your DH made it somewhat clear that he didn't want to see her...so why was she given an hour of your DH's time after making it clear that NO ONE WANTED TO SEE HER????

Your DH should have gone into the house and phoned the police to say that his mother, who is is being harassed by, is parked on his driveway and he doesn't want anything to do with her and what can they advise here?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 09/09/2024 09:45

@JFDIYOLO What if you'd been away for several nights?! Would she be camping out in her car waiting?! I think that would most likely have happened!! the woman is batshit crazy!

Swipe left for the next trending thread