Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

Thing is OP, while it's quite possible that your H would just rather trot off to his office, adult company and lunch break than look after his 3 year old; from the other side of this, being the sole earner, particularly if working in a competitive not particularly supportive type industry can be pretty stressful. When I was the sole wage earner I was acutely aware that my families financial wellbeing rested solely on my doing well at work. The idea of having to take an unscheduled day off with the potential judgement from letting the team down, plus having to catch up on the work, would have been pretty concerning to me. If your H feels that way, it may say more about the job he's obliged to do to enable your lifestyle, and less than great employment conditions than about how much he cares for you.

You don’t take days off as your partner wants love and empathy. I mean wtf,

Hmmm ok but you say you’ve had other health issues this year in your op. So why was that relevant?

Is he self employed or does he still get paid for a sick day or parental leave? Can he work from home? He sounds like a bit of an arse really, lecturing you on being ‘grateful’

As you said, all you really wanted was some love and empathy and he fell way short.

You say other health issues, how many days has he had to take over as you are unable to care for your child? You can’t help your issues but also it does impact your husband. You both need his job. As that’s what keeps a roof over your head. When he’s telling you it’s problematic for him you should listen .

I’m afraid when you said you needed love and empathy you lost me. You need him to habe a job more.

Have you had an MRI to confirm the injury?

"Testing it with physio" may be the wrong thing to do if it is a severe injury.

I had a knee injury that originally was poorly diagnosed as "maybe a small ACL tear" and they had me going physio exercises, trying to climb stairs with crutches and "walking is good". Then I had a MRI and it revealed that the injury was much, much worse that they had assumed - I got a panicked call from an orthopaedic specialist who ordered me to be 100% non weight bearing for 12 weeks ... and that was just the start.

@Theworldisyouroyster What are you going to do the day after tomorrow though? Or the day after that? If your knee injury is that bad then one day isn't going to make much difference?

I feel that if he took the day off sick (which isn't great really as it's not a sick day) then you would expect him to do it more often and use it as a back up for when you're not feeling great which isn't possible if he's the only earner...

Depends on the job. Lots of jobs don't allow last minute annual leave to it would need to be another type which may have to be unpaid. There is no right to paid parental or dependents leave, its at the employers discretion. He can't take a sick day unless he lies that he's sick.

Many places won’t grant annual leave on the morning of, it needs to be requested and approved in advance.**

If I was ill or unable to move I know my dh would take a sick day or annual leave. I certainly know for sure that if it was the other way around my dh would not cope with a toddler and not being well/ able to move. So he would expect me to be flexible.

I don't get people saying- he has to pay this bills. He will get paid for annual leave and possibly a sick/ carers day. Everyone should try and leave a few days annual leave in case of emergencies (if they don't have an otherwise flexible job or good sick/ carers entitlement).

I wouldn't expect him to take a day off. I would expect him to make sure I had everything I need for the day though. Pain killers from the chemist and make lunch for you both before he goes.
I would just rest as much possible and let toddler watch tv.

Of course he can't take a day off. He is the only earner in your house. Book your child into an extra few days at nursery or get a childminder.

I think you're looking at this unfairly. You speak of him 'stepping up' as though you want him to stay home rather than go to the pub. He's already stepped up, he's going to work to earn the family income, not stepped down and off on his jollies. Whether he is able to take the day off for this without negative consequences depends on factors beyond his own willingness. Where I work he would need to ask for dependents/parental leave for this and that's not given in limitless amounts. Unless his employer is generous its a good idea not to use it unless there's absolutely no option.

Thing that I think is the problem here is that you hobbled out of the surgery. Did you tell him how bad it was then? You need to communicate it properly with him with words not by actions and expressions of pain. He just understands you in agony, he can't do much.

However you tell him the next morning to take day off, that is something you could have discussed with him the night before so he had time to prepare and possibly let his colleagues know. Don't you remember what working was like? If it's suddenly announced you can't go in and do what you need to do then that is stressful for him.

I'm a SAHM and all in favour of sick days but you have to be clear and give as much notice as possible. Although I give my husband warning and it falls on deaf ears most of the time. Once I had to call him from doctors saying I was being transferred to hospital to stay until further notice. He did jump into action and has learned from it I think

Sounds as if you've got a bit of a crap husband there. If he has genuine concerns about finances or missing time when his workload is heavy, then he can come and discuss it with you and come to a solution – like the loving partnership you're meant to be. Instead he is sulking because he likely just doesn't want to spend time looking after his child.

@Theworldisyouroyster you’ll get some shitty replies for being ‘grateful’ and probably hauled over the coals for being a sahm on here🤣😅 but I will say- of course you’re not unreasonable to ask for help when you need it. Remember whether you’re working or at home doing childcare, you are contributing to your household and are equal team members… if he won’t take up the job when you are ill, book a babysitter and take the money from your joint finances. Remember- you are a TEAM. Hope you feel better soon and change physio!! x

Why is it unpaid – he can take annual leave.

To be honest, I'm not sure I've ever had a 'sick day' in my years of being a SAHM but I would fully expect my husband to step up if it was needed and it was possible for him to do so. I tend to somehow save being sick for when he's away on work trips and therefore unable to help. Caring for an exclusively breastfed baby through Norovirus was a particularly low point in my life 😂

Do you not have bills to pay/food to buy?
Yes it's hard coping with a toddler and injury. How many days off can your dh take until your better. What if it flares up again every 3 weeks? Do you expect him to take days off then as well?