Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

Nobody would be expecting this of a man. If you’re injured you need help and rest, your needs actually do matter.

I am not unsympathetic I hope, but it sounds a bit indulgent to have him take a day off for your bad knee.

unless you are actually bedbound

but hobbling… well, don’t we all some days? And also, it’s unlikely to be cured by tomorrow so would he need to take a week off? A month? Two months?

you need medical support to get it looked at, and your DH needs to be sympathetic to you, and if you are longer term disabled you will need a long term child care solution

but him taking a day off is neither here nor there, it’s almost as if you want proof that he would do this for you if it was needed (even if today it was actually not)

Under the circumstances as you have no available childcare it might be an idea to find a more flexible nursery.

I would have had to soldier on i am afraid when my kids were little.....

as a fellow sufferer of agonknee I reckon the sudden return to hellpain probably added to your emotional response. yes...you could perhaps of managed.but it hurts and it impcts your mood/mental health.

It's a lot of pressure with just 1 income, he should have been sympathetic and helped you prep for the day at least though.

DH and I both work but also both have days when we're the 'at-home' parent. On those days, if the 'at-home' parent couldn't do that job, then the other parent needs to do it. We trust each other to be able to assess if we're fit to work.

It sounds like your husband might not give your work parity of esteem with his. What parenting does he actually do?

Unrelated to your question you need a new physio. I’ve honestly never heard of anyone injuring themselves at the physio. That’s a staggering lack of professionalism.

I have been a SAHM at various times over the years. If I wasn’t capable of caring for the kids and they were incapable of caring for themselves then DH would stay home. He would never expect me to ‘expand my network’ so that he didn’t have to care for his own children! And he doesn’t expect anyone in his team to behave any differently to him. By enforcing these ridiculous expectations of working parents we just make it harder for everyone.

Is being a sahm working well for you op apart from the situation with your knee?

OP you are not wrong for wanting your partner to support you. I think you need to have a proper discussion about the “protocol” for what happens if you need a sick day. He obviously expects you to push through and I think it’s important that you both agree how situations like this should be handled in the future. I assume if he needs a day off sick he can just take it and you continue to look after DC! Just because you are a SAHP doesn’t mean you push through everything all the time. I’m sure your DH hugely benefits from you being at home with DC.

If he really cannot commit to taking the odd day off to help you I would look into babysitters / nanny’s who could come at short notice to assist. Start establishing these relationships now so that you don’t find yourself short next time.

It's none of your business if a colleague needs to take leave to trim their bloody toenails.

There has to be a balance here though. We're lucky to both have jobs that allow short notice holiday bookings, so we're able to cover each other.

But if men aren't socially permitted to step up for their families, then society will be continue to be subtly fucked by an overdependency on women for everything.

(On balance, ideally this would be a half day in my household, with prep to help you sort out the day easily.)

If the same happened to him presumably he would have to take sick leave and get to put his feet up while you looked after your child/the house.

I've been in your position and do sympathise. I think communication as a couple is key (re: each other's needs) to avoid resentment building up.

Try if you can to build up a support network beyond him though - neighbours, family, other parents, more paid support. This might become easier once your child is school age but you really do need practical and emotional back up as a parent.

Does he have any capacity to WFH as an alternative to taking the day off? I've had days when unwell where I can cope with 70-80% of the childcare but it's helped to have another pair of hands with toileting stuff/making meals etc. - in these instances husband WFH.

of course you haven’t!

You’ve had to ask for his help for one day in three years. This tells me that you’ve managed through many days where you don’t feel your best.

Your request for your husband to help for own day today should have made him realise from past history, how bad you are feeling and he should have been more empathetic.

I work full time … I certainly expect that if my husband needed me to help him because he was ill, I would do what I could as we are a team and I love him.

Your husband needs to be more appreciative of you.

I'll be honest, I would roll my eyes if a colleague took time off because his wife had a knee sprain.

It's also a fairly long term injury so is it really just going to be one day?

As others have said, I'd expect him to help me set things up so I could manage in a fairly small space for a day or so and have a day colouring in, doing jigsaws and watching telly with three year old with my leg up.

I think unfortunately that if you choose a family structure where one parent works and one parent stays at home then it becomes very difficult to facilitate sick days for the stay at home parent.
Employers are not always particularly supportive about taking leave to care for your kids and if they know there is a SAHP they are likely to be even less sympathetic. Also (& this sucks) they are often less flexible with dads than with mums as there is a lot of underlying assumption that picking up childcare is mum’s job.
I think probably he’s not unreasonable to say he can’t take a day off at no notice if you could cope by shoving your kids on a tablet or in front of the TV. I also think if your knee has been a problem all summer and remains one you may need to try and find some additional regular childcare. I also think he is unreasonable if he didn’t do all he could to make things easier for you today (sort food/any extra childproofing needed so you could mainly sit on sofa, suggest he tries for an early finish/wfh for part of day if available and do everything household/child wise on return from work). I hope you are feeling better soon. It’s so hard looking after kids when you are not well

Put your child in a year round nursery and get yourself a part time job. It must be insufferable to be solely responsible for your child all year round with no help from your partner and no income of your own.

I agree with other posters. I think you could have muddled through in this situation. Especially as he is the sole earner. I think if you were suffering something debilitating like norovirus that would be different

Jeez, it really is a man's world. If you were also working full time and your child was in nursery, he'd have had to take far more than 2 days off to cover DD's relentless sick days.

One day of parental leave when he has a 3 year old isn't going to cost him his job.

Sorry you haven't been supported on this, OP.