Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

I'm a sahm although my dc are older now...I wouldn't have expected my dh to stay at home in these circumstances. I know it's difficult, but it also sounds like quite an ongoing problem so how many times might this occur. I think when there is only one breadwinner in the household, things needs to be pretty dire before they take an unexpected day off imo.

When I dislocated my knee I spent my day watching movies with DS and watching him play - DH prepped a nappy changing ‘station’ (with sanitiser etc) and a ‘food station’ next to me with a bin. It was still a struggle.

It does sound scary and shit @Theworldisyouroyster - I expect your dh is disappointed the injury is back and so are you and it's simply another thing that's got you both a bit down. Miserable to have a child at the mobile and senseless age and not be mobile yourself.

Fingers crossed for things turning a corner. I feel parenting is always at its hardest when you're sick yourself.

Sorry op as someone said what if it’s a regular thing? I personally wouldn’t see it as the same thing as having a bug or sickness

It would be great if all employers were supportive to parents, but many aren't.
The places I have worked don't allow last minute annual leave requests, and taking a sick day for a partner's illness would be frowned upon.
But then some workplaces are much more accommodating, which is how it should be.
HIBU if his workplace is supportive but not if it's the kind of place he'd be castigated for it.

I think if you have recurring health issues you should be upping your slaughters childcare hours so you can rest up a little more.

Of course your dh should be open to taking unpaid or annual leave on occasion, its part and parcel if being a parent, but if your primary role is childcare and you have recurrent issues then i think you need to build in some resilience measures, be that extra hours, a babysitting service or family support.

@Theworldisyouroyster - i have anxiety disorder that results in me completely overtensing my body,it most definately does not aid recovery obviously.
i have been using this at night as i hate painkillers and they werent particularly helping. There is a part fairly early in where i catch myself total able to (do as he suggests)/i dunno..."let go" of the pain" i have woken today pain free. (that wont last /not cured,but its a start. might be worth giving it a try? "

If they both worked they could pay for childcare, SAHMs do really valuable work but it isn't like it would be impossible for either parent to work without one.

I am usually such a hands on mum and had plans with a friend and their child today which I had to cancel and I’m just so upset for my daughters sake as she would have had a great time.

Don't be so hard on yourself, a chilled day with screen time is fine if you aren't feeling great, it happens. It also sounds like one day won't make a difference as youre struggling with a few things which is understandable, think of things that would help and reach out for support.

What a shitty shitty attitude that is though- you’ve never asked him to take any leave so you never can as it might set a precedent.

Many places these days define it as sick/carers leave.
hugs op, it sucks being sick and a sahm, and when sometimes you actually do need help you should be able to ask for it. Just to counter the suck it up brigade, my dh didn’t take leave or help when I was sick when our first two were little without me insisting. I told him I had no intention of growing old with a man like that and we were done unless he changed. He pulls his weight with his children now. Statistically one or both of you as you get old are going to do at least a stint of caring for the other and there is no way I will do that for a man who has clearly shown he refuses to look after his small children when I’m sick, much less caring for me at all, so I meant every word.

Exactly. Mothers, SAHM or otherwise, are people with needs like everyone else.

It's not always that easy just to take a day off either in fairness to her husband - I'm the sole/main earner with a stressful job and yes to have to suddenly take a day leave paid or otherwise is stressful and difficult and you get little sympathy from employers when it's not your child that's ill but another adult in the household

If he's barely taken a sick day in 3 years YANBU to expect him to take one.
However as you mention other issues and this bad knee being ongoing.... Maybe it sets a precedent?

You're clearly not struggling for money though as you can afford nursery and physio as a SAHP.

I’m sorry that you’re in pain op, and I hope you get better soon.

Do I think you should have asked your husband to take a day off work for it though? Probably not. I think you should have coped fine and I’d possibly be a bit pissed off too if I were him.

I have quite an active job.
At home I sprained my foot so badly I couldn’t weight bear, but I borrowed a pair of crutches and took my husband’s automatic car to work to make sure I didn’t have any time off.

Work pays the bills and in order to progress and earn more, we have to take work seriously. Taking a day off because your wife hurt her knee and can’t cope with the toddler, doesn’t look great to me and I doubt it would have to your husband’s work place.

Glad to see that you’ve had a rethink going forward and will be charging the iPad and getting the snacks in.

I’m not sure there are sick days from parenting although I would expect DH to help out in terms of doing what he could around his job eg preparing a packed lunch for child, getting them dressed and undressed.

DH and I both work and both have different times when we are the primary parent because the other has something important on. Sometimes, unless in a state where you need acute medical care, you just have to manage despite illnesses and injuries.

Yeah, and I think it’s a potential safety issue, too. Once when my older daughter was three, she snuck out of the house while I was breastfeeding her baby sister. When you’re taking care of very young children, you need to be able to go after them if they take off.

Whilst I definitely empathise with you being in pain, I also wonder what kind of workplace he has and how amenable to him taking a last minute caring day off they are. Whilst they should be fine, let’s be honest some companies/managers are very funny about this unfortunately and make you feel uncommitted etc.

Hope you feel better soon.

If you are unwell you are unwell. But I think it’s unreasonable for you to talk about having no childcare for summer - you are a SAHM!

Enable her lifestyle??? Doing all childcare and housekeeping? All that work she does for free? That enables him to work? Your internalised sexism is showing.

He can only go to work to earn the 'family income' because OP is at home doing the unpaid work of childcare and housekeeping.

He needs to step up and get his wife back on her feet, otherwise she can't continue to do the work that enables him to work.

I don't think YABU for wanting him to be supportive - either he stays off without grumbling or he sorts out as much as he can to help you while he goes in. It really shouldn't be more difficult than that.

You obviously aren't aware of the real lack of available childcare. Luckily I have avoided the big waiting lists which you seem unaware of.