Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

Why are all the “four Yorkshiremen” on n here insisting that they were soldiering on as single/working parents not taking a similar hard line with the dh? Where is his ability to do two jobs at once? To manage a simple 3 year old childcare issue and his work life and career? I love the people discounting OP’s job as mere childcare, no biggie, lady of leisure whose work could easily be substituted for by a nanny and a cleaner without disturbing his career progression. God forbid nanny ever expect a holiday or sick day or NI payments. Should she also be grateful for his condescension in employing her?

And what the fuck ever with partners have less duty to care than employers?

Oh goody you must be a man, nope. Try harder.

and again. How do you think single parents cope. All on the dole?

Ok, but still it’s factual, the bills need paying no way round it.

you seem to be an idiot. Not clear what your gender is but seems you are a man.

one, yes, in many jobs you can take time off to be sick and take it suddenly (ie call in the morning that you are not coming in), because people get sick suddenly. It not “pulling a sickie” (are you a builder?)

two, you seem to have zero idea about the cost of nannies and cleaners, which are now AT LEAST £15 per hour. A full time nanny from 9 am to 6 pm ONLY with all the taxes, NI and pension that employer has to pay now costs about 40–50K a year. Do you want to calculate evenings, nights + daily housekeeper? 😄
so yeah, the OP is saving their family A HELL OF A LOT of money and is totally facilitating the career of her husband.

me and my husband are top earners and even we can’t afford 24-7 nanny and daily housekeeper so the idea that any man will just be able to afford them to replace his wife’s work is laughable

Exactly who told you that.> do you normally play the martyr? Is this a theme, as it looks like it.

I’ve had a team member ask for annual leave at 8am on the day. I approved as I felt I had no choice despite it being against company policy and it meant that key meetings needed to be rearranged. In this case, it was a divorced father who was the default caregiver for his sick kids during the ex wife’s contact time, so she could continue to work. Frankly our project team should not have been her contingency. It didn’t do him any favours

Depends on job and leave policy. Some require weeks or longer notice for annual leave and min levels of cover in team.

I wouldn't go back to that physio. I have found are very much a mixed bag and some have no idea what they are doing and make things much worse.

What the heck kind of physiotherapist is that OP?! That doesn't seem right at all

Reducing your role to what? I’m sorry but it is true, you cannot stay home unless someone pays the bills. He can work, without someone staying home. As he can outsource child care amd cleaning. isn’t a personal slight. It is simply factual. I’m sure you do love, appreciate and value each other.

As someone who has a chronic back condition do learn to refuse any requests from experts when you feel unsure.
I have had my symptoms exacerbated a couple of times by qualified physios.
Now I say ‘ I would prefer not to do this.’
And I don’t.

Um, the husband can take annual leave.

^ should not be underestimated

I’m a mother but I agree with the post you’re quoting. Yes the husband doesn’t have do as much around the home, but he now has twice the burden of financial security for the family. The stress of that cannot be underestimated.

He needs to take the day off.

i have a medical issue and SEN dc . My dh used to not take days off it I was unwell so over time, my health worsened . Eventually he had to give up totally which wouldn’t have happened if I’d been able to rest when I was unwell

Yes, but it’s not a duty of care to the SAHP. He is a father, he is default caregiver when primary caregiver is unable to care. Much like if a single parent has to stay off work for a sick child. You wouldn’t catch the employer going “but it’s not YOU that’s sick, it’s your child!”

I don’t understand why a sore knee would stop you looking after a 3 year old. They don’t need lifted etc like a smaller toddler.

Id be pissed off being told at 6am I needed to stay off cos DH had a sore knee too. And very unlikely to be able to sort it last minute.

But I think it’s actually about you wanting to feel valued isn’t it? Not really about the day off?

Ok I’ve just read this comment and it gives me a clear view on the kind of person you are.

He is not “facilitating” OP. They have made a joint decision as a family for her to stay at home. This makes life infinitely easier for him he will not have to do as much childcare/housework/life admin and his career will suffer much less than if they took a 50/50 role. This lack of respect for the role of a SAPH surely comes from either a bloke or someone who doesn’t have children.

Because employers have a legal duty of care to their staff in a way that earning partners do not have towards their SAH spouse.

Most jobs? What kind of jobs have you had?

Seems like one of us here has no real life experience with jobs and it isn’t me…

I have never taken a sick day and it had a negative impact on the stability of my income.