Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

Usually child minders will take them if he takes that route.

Suggesting that the only way for the working partner to continue to work is by paying 50k for a nanny and around the clock housekeeper is just ridiculous and it’s things like this that actually contribute to people taking sahps less seriously.

By the way, now nannies are entitled to sick pay, NI, holidays and pensions

No, you said that all her jobs can be easily replaced by hired help. And that in no way SAHM is facilitating his career.

even if the child is at nursery (still £24K a year before free hours), SOMEONE will have to do all his wife did every morning, every evening (and night) and do all household chores. at £15/h.

if you think that he can do this himself and it will have no impact on his career (try have a demanding job and always be there for 6 pm nursery pick up - haha) or his life satisfaction you are delusional

YABU. Pop your 3 year old in front of the TV for a day whilst you rest with the leg elevated.

If your 3 year old goes to nursery you could possibly book her in for some additional sessions.

Sack your physio. Get some good painkillers from your GP.

You'll get a hard time here for being a SAHM but that's because so many of us working mums have to juggle work and childcare and everything else. Also, try doing that with no DH or DP too, some of us even manage that.

You wouldn’t catch the employer going “but it’s not YOU that’s sick, it’s your child!”

WTF? Of course you would. If you are an employee, you cannot take sick leave unless you yourself are sick. To do so is grounds for disciplinary action.

He would still have to stay home with the child if she were sick—as three year olds often are. Men with SAHW benefit enormously from the flexibility this gives them to work morning, evening, sick child days and holidays.

@Theworldisyouroyster does your DH actually have a high-stress, high-pressure job? People are making assumptions about him working in some kind of cut-throat environment but plenty of well-paid jobs aren’t like that at all. I have a job paid decently enough to support my family, with some cutbacks, if push came to shove. But taking a short-notice day off at my work is a complete non-issue.

What is his work culture actually like? It’s one thing if he works in finance or sales or healthcare but another thing entirely if he’s a middle management civil servant, for example.

I wonder if in this situation it's less about whether or not he takes the day off and more about his acknowledgement of you having a difficult time. Would it have felt different for example if he'd said something along the lines of "I'm really sorry I can't take the day off, but I can see you're in a lot of pain and this is hard for you, I'll make sure you get some rest this weekend".

Well yes but I don’t think the op has three kids.

He doesn’t need the closest equivalent to work. He simply needs good childcare. A child minder or nursery, like most of the working population.

Why do people so easily commandeer the support of other women—thats what “wider network” means in practice— so that the all important men are never discommoded? What other woman is available unpaid to take care of op and toddler?

neither dh or I are low earners and we both work. It’s bloody hard work when there’s no stay at home parent. I start late as I do drop offs, dh leaves early to collect them and bring them home and start dinner 6:15 at the earliest, after dinner and showers and doing their reading we spend our evenings tidying and meal prepping and doing admin and getting their stuff ready for the next day. I had my 2yo home sick for a day last week and dh picked her up early on Monday with a bump on her head. We both managed to dash off to see our 9yo in a race. It’s really full on juggling work and making sure our dc feel like their parents are present, and people who have a parent at home doing that really do have their career facilitated. The 6 months when I went back to work after my 3rd baby and dh stayed home on parental leave were the easiest 6 months of my life since I first fell pregnant over 10 years ago.

OP - a word of warning from someone with chronic knee pain (waiting to be old enough to have it replaced) - the NHS is not great with knees. To be referred to an orthopaedic consultant you have to have 6 sessions with an NHS Physio who decides if you should be referred. The consultant, if you are referred to one, will decide if you need an MRI or other scans/tests. Here the wait to see an approved physio is 13 weeks. The GP can't refer for an MRI as locally they have to follow the protocol.....

I bypassed the NHS and self referred to a private knee specialist. MRI (£800) confirmed serious damage so had an operation (£2000). The operation has relieved some of the symptoms but the ongoing pain (and the fact my knee can dislocate for no reason other than it feels like it - I'm very good at popping it back in) will only be relieved by a knee replacement. The NHS won't consider it until I'm at least 60 and privately I need about £10k to get it done. So for now it's daily pain relief, strapping when it's particularly bad and just getting on with my life.

I hope you get some relief soon but keep up with strapping and medication in the meantime.

because we are comparing apples to apples. SAHM is individual childcare at home, not childcare in a group setting. Nanny is the closest equivalent.

(And not everyone is entitled to 30 hours and someone will still have to do after nursery hours etc.)

Sunshineandtequila said that in case of divorce its easy to replace everything that SAHM was doing by hiring nanny and cleaner to do her jobs,
which does mean nanny that’s available day and night and daily housekeeper

Why would he pay 50k for a nanny for one child when he could put her in preschool with wrap around or a day nursery with 30 free hours?
Your argument isn’t even logical. The OP’s value and contribution isn’t anything to do with this thread but she isn’t “saving him” 50k by not working.

no, not on the dole.
they use nursery (still 24K a year, but nowhere near individual level of attention that a nanny at home would give) and then DO EVERYTHING THEMSELVES (clean, cook, look after children morning and evening). And they are exhausted and many struggle to devote meaningful time to career progression.

so the husband will not be able to have nanny and housekeeper in the 50/50 scenario and will have to pull his head out of his ass and start doing half of everything his wife was doing.

(but you clearly are a man, and with no children)

Personally I wouldnt ask my dp to take time off in those situations, as others have said I'd just have a relaxed PJ day with the little one, but maybe ask him to sort dinner and bedtime so you can rest later.

I wonder what your wider network is like and if it's worth cultivating that, so you have other options for support in future?

Who said anything about 24/7 nannies or housekeepers?

Don't understand the 'but your DH has to earn money' argument. In households where both parents work, they need to take time off if a childcare provider is unable to provide childcare. Why is this different?