Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

I'm really sorry but yes I think you're being unreasonable. He could have easily settled you on the sofa with food sorted for the day and you would have been fine. What on earth do you mean you wouldn't be 'safe' to look after a toddler? At 3 years old a child can follow instructions so they don't get hurt. You're being extremely precious. Norovirus etc I'd be completely on your side, but not this.

Are you really comfortable with the message to sole earners that they are paying for the private jet of childcare and housekeeping? Frankly I'd be very wary of a partner wanting to monetise my contribution as some sort of gold standard service. If they think they're paying for the best the next step is them demanding it.
SAHP are not their partners employees. They are not providing a professional service that the earner can dictate to their specifications. They are just one half of a couple who wants to stay home with their child, with a partner who either wants that too or is at least prepared to accommodate it.
Whether that's cost effective for the earner or not depends on their lifestyle (it's arguably more expensive to pay for every single need of another person if their lifestyle is at the higher end, big house in expensive area, expensive car, clothes, food, holidays, leisure, than to buy in services as needed) and how much is lost to the joint pot by the partner not earning. If that would have been a high end salary, then again, it probably isn't cost effective.
Its also always presented as though the SAHP does everything they do for the benefit of the working one, saving them personally the full cost of services. In fact the SAHP benefits equally from their own labour. They are caring for their own child, keeping their own home, cooking their own meals too. So only half of what they provide would be the partners 'liability' to replace.
Point is, trying to frame being a SAHP as a job with monetary value is fraught with issues and not at all reflective of what really boils down to people wanting to be at home with their child and their partner being fine with that, and in some cases where earning are low and child care high, because its cheaper. Which is fine and needs no further justification.

I am also one half of high earning couple and it is certainly much much easier with a stay at home help or partner 🤷‍♀️

It is only 'none of your business' if you are not required to pick up the slack and everybody stops and waits for the person to come back and then everybody happily resumes work. But in reality life goes on and people have to do the work of those who 'facilitate their sah partners, be they male or female.

He should have taken it as dependant leave. Paid or unpaid.

He won't though coz he's a man

Don’t be daft, why would I not like sahm. Good grief. What a silly comment. You’re just all over the place in trying to justify the value of a sahp. Whilst we are all saying it’s not required, as long as both parents value it that’s what matters. All these ludicrous hyperbolic situations is just embarrassing.

and I say that as one half of a high earning couple. Who both were able to manage our careers and have kids, whilst working. Like 80 percent of families .

I did something to my knee tendon, according to my GP, at the start of lockdown. No one would do anything. I was in agony.

I used a knee bandage and Voltarol, and it gradually eased. Meantime, I just hobbled about - I was carer to DH and had no option.

It’s doable, if painful. 🙂

Comparing private jets to a SAHM makes it even worse - absolutely nobody needs the former, so by way of analogy..

You know, in some cases it's absolutely true. If childcare costs far too much, or kids have severe SEN. It's impossible to work without a SAHP(M). That's why some single parents have to survive on benefits. They can't work even if they wanted to, with severely disabled children.

It's silly to compare their situations with someone who's a SAHP by choice, claiming that they enable the working spouse to do their job. That really depends on their respective earning potential and ability to outsource.

For me personally as a higher earning woman SAHP makes no sense (if my husband was a much lower earner). The more I earn the more is taken away in tax. Two lower earners on half my salary each (30K, so the national median, not squillions) take home more than I do not to mention pension, NI, etc.

Makes more sense for me to go PT, share the load, and pay for childcare, cleaner etc. Oh and claim benefits on the lower salary. Yeah my career will take a hit in the short term but with a dual income it's not that big of a problem. The financial system downstairs incentivise a single higher earner

IME few marriages have the earning partner truly seeing the SAHP as an equal, there's usually resentment. Justified or not? Depends on circumstances

Just because you dont like SAHMs doesn’t make this a “ludicrous hyperbole”. The level of flexibility working partner has if he has a stay at home parent is enormous- he/she doesn’t have to worry about child being sick and not going to school/nursery(so having to take time off to cover it), about late work call that’s important to attend, about work drinks that are necessary for work networking, about leaving the office early if trains are delayed to make in time for pick up etc.
yes all of that should be cleared with SAHP but there is a person available for all that at no extra cost. And children are safe in a loving environment and most likely the house is tidy and there is food on the table.

re families “fucked” - well there are plentyof threads here how families with both working parents are utterly exhausted if they have no outside help, and especially if children are very young. All MN says “well these years are exhausting, hang on there!”. Lots of women go SAHM or part time (guess what part time does to their career prospects?)

Cheap in comparison to the ludicrous 50k a year number being bandied about. And no no career impact. You’re posting like single parents unless very high earners or double income families are fucked if they have kids. That’s clearly far from the truth.

as long as the sahp contribution is valued by both parties and it fits with what fhey both want for their family it is all good. There is no need for this ludicrous hyperbole.

Women doing these jobs absolutely very often have a SAHP, OR they have nanny/housekeeper. Or they get exhausted.

again, we are saying that she makes his life much easier and as such yes is facilitating his career.

me and my husband both work for companies that routinely have important calls around 6 -7 pm, often at short notice. One would not be able to progress in these companies routinely not attending them, so its either nanny, stay at home partner(life was much easier for my husband when I was home on mat leave) or someone’s career suffers

When your childcare also needs care, it's not really a contribution.

When you're well, of course. When you're trying to drag your husband out of work, not so much. His employer still has to pay him and is out of pocket despite him being able to work, and apparently wanting to.

I’m a single mum tho and I do do all that. Of course my life would be easier if I had a sahp but I can still do my (fairly professional senior) job without one. I don’t buy into this whole “sahw facilitating important man’s career” at all. The women doing these jobs almost never have a sahp.

it like saying that private jet is the same value as regular air travel because most people get by without it 🤷‍♀️ sure, most people fly economy and are fine but if someone had a private jet and now has to switch to economy it will a noticeable effect on his quality of life, flexibility in life, etc

Oh yes of course you can't ask people to take days off work to look after other people's children. It's more if you know other people are around at the same time as you, it's worth joining forces.

It's a while now since I was a SAHP or even part time 😢 and I do think it's more fragmented for people nowadays than it was for me, but it definitely pays to build supportive relationships if you can with others who are at home, on maternity leave, don't work Tuesdays or whatever. Being a SAHP can be tough and isolating unless you take active steps to reach out.

Of course it isn't. It's what you and your H have chosen as the contribution that is most needed in your family at this time. Its worth something to you and its worth something to him. You're not married to posters who dont consider it valuable, so its not for them to dicate its worth.
The arguments are mainly arising from people who take it too far (imo) and attempt to monetise it by arguing how much it would cost to replace your work, and only ever looking at the most expensive way of doing it. The majority of families do not have an adult at home full time. The majority of families are nowhere near the income level of nannies and housekeepers, yet they get by.
The other issue that's contentious is when people claim the working person couldn't do their job without the SAHP. This just makes the worker sound so inept, that they couldn't hold down a job without another adult taking on every single responsibility for them. Surely men arent that rubbish at their jobs that they can't combine them with life?
You however have said neither of these extreme things. You have said that you're using a model that works for your family and is good for both of you, so clearly the value of what you do lies in the fact you're both happy with it.

OP get some ibuprofen gel it's amazing stuff.
Be very aware of how you angle your knee at all times.

It can, but not cheaply and WITH IMPACT on his career.

Yes, it can. No way round it.

Excuse me, that’s not what I am suggesting. We are not even talking about the ways for a working parent blah blah.

we are talking specifically about the value SAHM parent brings to the household- which cannot be easily and cheaply replaced with no impact on husband’s life and career

I agree with you, these responses of well he can only work as you stay home or he’d have to pay for a 24/7 nanny or he’s benefiting hugely as he doesn’t have it stay home with s sick kid and Nanny’s take holidays as a way to try to boost the sahp contribution is ludicrous.

both thr op and hee husband value it. Thats great. End of. We don’t need to pretend its unfeasible for the man to work without her staying home.

For a non contagious injury like this you could consider inviting a mum friend over for a playdate. Yes hosting is more work than sitting in front of TV but being less lonely helps you manage the pain and having another adult on the kids helps so much it totally makes up for additional children being in the house/park/cafe.

It may be that someone in your network would gladly run around after your child and do physical wrangling if you will listen to their child ask a thousand questions and read the same book over and over.