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Original poster

Husband rant - SAHM needing a sick day.

233 replies

Theworldisyouroyster · 03/09/2024 10:50

So… long story short I am a stay at home mum to a 3 year old. She’s done two mornings a week at nursery since she was 2.5 but the rest of the time she’s home with me and her nursery is term time only so no childcare over the six week summer holiday.

At the start of the summer I hurt my knee badly playing with my daughter - it’s a very painful sprain which keeps flaring up again when I crouch or kneel down. I have been going to a private physio for around a month now and yesterday evening he wanted to ‘test’ it and it went again, absolute agony and I had to hobble out of the surgery.

I hardly slept due to the pain and this morning said I think my husband needs to take the day off work as I can’t walk or properly put any weight on that leg so it wouldn’t be safe for me to solely be in charge of a toddler. He seemed unhappy about this and said I didn’t show any appreciation that he would miss a day off work and that I wasn’t clear in what I wanted. I’m so confused.

I’ve had other health issues this year and have tried to limit how much they affect his work. I just felt like this was a time he needed to step in and say of course I’m going to be at home today, you need to rest up, I’ve got this. Instead I had to convince him grudgingly to stay off and was told I wasn’t grateful enough.

I am grateful but surely this is the bare minimum a partner does when the other one can’t walk? I’m just very sad and weepy at the moment and feel unsupported and like I am seen as a nuisance.

Thank you in advance x

OP posts:
Original poster
Theworldisyouroyster · 03/09/2024 11:09

Thanks everyone - really useful to hear other people’s points of view.

Yes I am not best pleased with my physio! He asked me to crouch down and transfer weight from one leg to another and my knee went then so it wasn’t entirely caused by something he did but I did express reservations that it may make things worse again.

I guess the wider context is that I feel like I’ve struggled through lots of those days now and this one has coincided with my mental health taking a real knock as well so I hoped he would sense that I really needed him to step up- but maybe I should have been clearer about that. Normally I do agree that as a SAHP you kind of have to crack on and work through various ailments!

OP posts:
holju · 03/09/2024 11:09

Of course he should take the day off. If you were a paid childminder you wouldn't be able to work with a combo of no sleep and this injury, and it sounds like you need to rest. Most work places have emergency days for childcare issues nowadays anyway.

Leavesandacorns · 03/09/2024 11:08

I'm very much in favour of SAHMs needing sick days. My DH looked after our 3 and 1 year old last week when I had a bug. But I'm not sure I'd expect/want him to miss work in this scenario.

I think I'd have just done a day at home and had DH prep lunch/snacks so I didn't need to faff with preparing food.

Izzymoon · 03/09/2024 11:08

The reality is with just one partner earning an income they can’t be flippant about days off. You having a sore knee is him taking an unpaid day off which not only impacts the finances but also how he comes across at work.
If you were being sick all day it’s reasonable for him to take time off to look after your DV but there’s no reason you can’t do drawing, playdo and watch a movie today with a 3 year old.
She’s 3, not a baby who’s going to cry if they aren’t carried around all day!

PinkyFlamingo · 03/09/2024 11:06

I would be very concerned your physio is making it worse!

HamHands · 03/09/2024 11:05

I think that I would ask my partner to prep breakfast, snacks, packed lunch and dinner but expect that he would still go to work in this situation. If they are potty trained but not able to use a toilet alone then I would get the potty out again. A day indoors with a 3 year old and perhaps a bit more screen time than usual as a one-off isn't a big deal. 3 year olds are capable of grabbing a drink flask or snacks themselves if they accessible. They could even bring a packed lunch to you if left on a dining table or something.

That said, my DH would definitely have taken the day off for me if I'd asked for it. He wouldn't grumble.

budgiegirl · 03/09/2024 11:04

Hmm, I'm not sure you should be 'grateful' as such, partners are supposed to help each other.

But is your leg so bad that you can't move about at all? Are you bed bound? If so, then yes, your DH should be home and looking after your 3 yo. But if you can hobble about, get to the bathroom etc, then I think you should be just muddling through the best you can. If that means a day of TV, iPad and snacks for the 3yo while you sit on the sofa, then so be it. Unfortunately that's just part of being ill when you are a parent.

bubblesandlight · 03/09/2024 11:01

why did your physio do that left you unable to walk?