To consider taking job at other end of country and leaving DC with ExH?

This is so hard but you’re right to want to be building security for the future and even if you just privately say to yourself that you do this job for two years, then if it definitely means you can then move back to be with the kids and with a much better paid job after that, it’s a worthwhile consideration for investment for everyone’s future.

On the weekends you visit though- firstly I don’t think every other weekend is enough. At least 3 weekends out of 4 should be the aim.
And where willl you stay then? It needs to be a place the kids can stay too and they can feel entirely comfortable there, for this to work. basically the new job needs to cover starting up you running a second home. Can you afford that on the new salary? Can you rent very very cheaply in the place you would be moving to for the new job? Rent out a room in the weekdays to someone responsible in your current home? That way, can you afford to keep your current home for the kids to be in with you at weekends?

To find out what your rights are about leaving the kids with their father in the week (assuming he will fight everything you say to him) then it might be a good idea to get legal advice first. Document carefully your reasons for wanting to do this and talk to the lawyer about the different ways that your ex could respond to this proposal.

My reservation is that it needs to be a whopping new salary increase to cover the much increased living costs to you. You know how some jobs give a relocation allowance- is it in that ballpark of job?
You don’t want to be scrimping when you see the kids. Or getting exhausted and miserable renting in a hovel all week or rationing your visits back to the kids because money is tight.

Why does your husband get to decide, OP? Why does he have power of veto over this? I'm probably missing something but I don't understand his 'power'.

If you want to go (and I think you should), find out about schools and plan for your children to go with you.

Children are far more likely to be with their mothers than not, I would not leave them. If he were a decent co-parent and an engaged father then that's different - he is not this and you can't leave your children with them.

If you took them but didn't claim maintenance, what would he do?
If you brought them back for weekend visits twice a month would that be enough to make him happy as the Disney dad? Could you stay locally?
And if he did take you to court, how easily could you move straight back again?

Just chucking some ideas out there.....

Is working from home not an option, even if you do the odd travel?

I have answered that you are NBU but I still don't think you can do it, or that I could...unfortunately....

Honestly, can he stop you taking them if you continue to offer him shared access? Whether he cba to make the effort is his issue.

I would hate to only see my kids every other weekend and I'd never choose to leave them with someone I'd described as abusive.

No, but I really feel for you. It's a shit situation to be in. I hope something great comes up closer to home.

Can he stop you taking them?

There is absolutely no way in hell I would leave my young children with an inadequate parent just so I can make more money. It sounds more like you are doing it to prove a point with your ex but all that's going to happen is that your children will suffer from abandonment issues.

Also on the whole money thing, would you actually be better off once you have deducted the maintenance and all travel costs?

Apart from the fact that he doesn't sound like a very good dad . You only get your kids for what equates to a few short years. Then most of the time they find social circles/uni move out and so on .
Is this job really worth missing out on priceless time with your children.

I'd go.

What’s more important. This job role or your children. That’s the crux of the issue.

He currently has 50/50 with you, is it court ordered? But either way most courts would never side to remove a 50% care taker away from the children forcefully without bloody good reason and by that it would be abuse to the children not you wanting a new job.

I couldn’t leave my children and become a eow parent without huge reason. Especially not with a parent you believe will basically turn them against you.

Personally, I wouldn't take a job that far away from my children leaving them with an abusive man.

also - it’s costs upwards of £30k to take it to court, so even if I’d be guaranteed winning, it’s a huge cost.

Where have you got this figure from- it seems very much on the high side? Plus in all likelihood he’d give in before it got very far surely (unless he’s rolling in money to pay lawyers himself).

This

This

The extra money isn't worth the potential disaster this could turn into for you and your children.

Don't leave them behind, if you can't go with them, don't go.

You'd have to pay him child maintenance. I'm sure he'd love that.

He will probably tell the kids you moved away because you don't care about them. They might not want to come back to you if and when you move back.

Sorry but this sounds like you’d be prepared to let your DC have a more shit life either to get one up on your ex or further your career which I don’t think would be the best thing for anyone concerned. It sounds like he’s only having them 50/50 to avoid paying proper maintenance, that he’d be crap about day to day needs, that he’s going to prioritise his downtime etc. Plus the kids will miss you anyway I would imagine- and do you really only want to see them 4 days a month? How old are they?

By all means use this as a threat to get him to agree with you that you should also go- say if he forces you to take this to court this is what you’ll suggest as the only option if the court were to decide against you but don’t actually do it! It’s not your kids’ fault that your ex is a twat and they’ve already been through their parents splitting up. I absolutely understand why you want to go but please don’t leave your kids behind.

If you do have to go to court then make sure you’ve made a full note of him saying he’s trying to make things difficult for you, but also make it look like you’re bending over backwards to make it less disruptive for him (I.e meeting him half way with the driving/ letting him have half terms etc). And stress why it would be better for the kids- bigger house, more money, good schools/ jobs etc. Depending on the age of the kids the court would give their own preference quite a bit of weight too- what do they actually want to do?

If he was a decent parent then why not, but he's an abusive areshole so I don't think you can. Plus if his aim is to make your life difficult I doubt he would agree to it anyway and its impossible to make a parent have their child more.
Sorry OP I think you have to turn the job down

Are you sure you need his permission to take the kids with you?