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Original poster

Misery loves company (New mums)

108 replies

Smurf1993 · 03/09/2024 09:42

I had my baby girl 4 months ago after years of infertility and I honestly couldn't be happier. For the first time in years I am not stressed, depressed and sick from IVF medication. I'm happy, healthy and sleeping and feel better than I have in years. This seems to piss other parents off and it's really getting me down.

When I was pregnant all the women at work my age and in other friendship circles with babies went on and on about how I would never sleep again, I'll never go out again and how I JUST CAN'T POSSIBLY be prepared for how hard it's going to be. I simply have NO IDEA how much my baby take over my entire body and existence. (It can't possibly trump 4 years of IVF on that front but moving on...) It's impossible to even have a shower or get dressed before 2pm according to many mums I know and getting out of the house is an hour long mission. It really felt like they were trying to ruin my excitement and make sure I knew how shit it was going to be.

My baby girl is here and I am SO SO HAPPY. The first few newborn weeks were really hard, obviously, but by around 4 weeks I'd found my feet and confidence in being a mum. Baby sleeps through the night and since having her my endometriosis and PCOS has settled so I feel fantastic. All the older women I know and health workers I interact with tell me how well I look and it's nice to finally see me happy and loving motherhood. All the women my age are SALTY AS FUCK that I'm not some exhausted, miserable, unwashed swamp monster that actually goes outside and lives life pretty much the same as before just with baby in tow. I don't even like talking about my baby with other mums because it soon just devolves into snide comments like WELL YOUR BABY SLEEPS SO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT ITS REALLY LIKE or YOU HAVE AN EASY BABY SO YOU DON'T GET IT or my favourite OH LUCKY YOU YOU HAVE A NICE BABY with evil eyes and a barely held back FUCK YOU.

I never bring her up, never gloat as I get that some people struggle and honestly I hate talking to other mums about her now because of how salty every one is but other mums ask about her alot. it's like they're looking for company in their misery and get angry when I'm not miserable. Does baby sleep through the night? Yes I'm really lucky. WELL FUCK YOU! Sorry was that the wrong answer? I just don't understand why other mums are so pissed off that I'm happy and enjoying motherhood?

Did other people find this? It's really getting me down tbh that I finally got my happy ending and everyone seems desperate to shit on it.

OP posts:
Ardrahan · 03/09/2024 10:00

MonsteraMama · 03/09/2024 09:58

I do know what you mean. I had my child very young so got a lot of judgement for that anyway, but a certain group of women seemed absolutely viciously gleeful to tell me how ruined my life was now. I'll never sleep again, I'll never have money again, bye bye sex life, bye bye nice holidays, bye bye flat tummy and perky boobs, bye bye freedom.

These women all had kids and to be honest it absolutely terrified me because I was so young and so not ready really and they were supposedly experienced and knew what they were talking about. And they honestly seemed to enjoy it, the way they'd smugly relish telling me how hard my life was set to be now.

And then my daughter came along and made me so happy. None of their doomsday prophecies came true and I remember feeling so, so resentful that they'd made my pregnancy a time of misery and fear.

I suppose the other side of the coin is that it's good that people are honest about how parenthood isn't always a walk in the park. I guess it makes it less of a shock when things are tricky, just think there's got to be a nicer way to pre warn people.

But that was a different situation. They were predicting future horrors for you. The women the OP is talking about are having a tough time with their own babies now!

MonsteraMama · 03/09/2024 09:58

I do know what you mean. I had my child very young so got a lot of judgement for that anyway, but a certain group of women seemed absolutely viciously gleeful to tell me how ruined my life was now. I'll never sleep again, I'll never have money again, bye bye sex life, bye bye nice holidays, bye bye flat tummy and perky boobs, bye bye freedom.

These women all had kids and to be honest it absolutely terrified me because I was so young and so not ready really and they were supposedly experienced and knew what they were talking about. And they honestly seemed to enjoy it, the way they'd smugly relish telling me how hard my life was set to be now.

And then my daughter came along and made me so happy. None of their doomsday prophecies came true and I remember feeling so, so resentful that they'd made my pregnancy a time of misery and fear.

I suppose the other side of the coin is that it's good that people are honest about how parenthood isn't always a walk in the park. I guess it makes it less of a shock when things are tricky, just think there's got to be a nicer way to pre warn people.

BarbaraHoward · 03/09/2024 09:57

The four month sleep regression on my first was honestly one of the low points of my life. No, I didn't want to hear how other women were loving life. I didn't recognise my life, body or mind.

Ardrahan · 03/09/2024 09:56

Nagatha · 03/09/2024 09:53

It agree it’s weird with parenthood how so many people want to tell you how shit it all is.
I have a toddler and find people constantly telling me “it gets harder”, normally with a smug grin on their face as if they are enjoying trying to make me miserable.
I was having a really bad day recently and bumped into someone I know. It was visible I was struggling that day (about to burst into tears) while explaining how my toddler was behaving. Immediately got a “they get worse! Hahaha!” With a full on laugh. Was that meant to be helpful? I could have slapped them.
I guess you just have to try and remind yourself you’re allowed to be happy and enjoy this time, even if other people don’t. And if you can avoid them, do.

But these people aren’t predicting doom and gloom, they’re struggling themselves now! The OP is absolutely allowed to be happy, but that doesn’t mean other people who are having a miserable time with mastitis, reflux or high-needs babies, are obliged to self-censor and pretend everything is lovely.

What@NuffSaidSam said, OP.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 03/09/2024 09:55

Just ignore. Some people like the baby stage/toddler stage/preschool stage, some babies like being babies/weaning/crawling/whatever. Ime it’s best to roll with it and take enjoyment where you can because not all stages suit everyone.

There is a bit of competitive “just you wait til…” with young kids, where people are determined to piss on others’ chips. Just ignore.

Nagatha · 03/09/2024 09:53

It agree it’s weird with parenthood how so many people want to tell you how shit it all is.
I have a toddler and find people constantly telling me “it gets harder”, normally with a smug grin on their face as if they are enjoying trying to make me miserable.
I was having a really bad day recently and bumped into someone I know. It was visible I was struggling that day (about to burst into tears) while explaining how my toddler was behaving. Immediately got a “they get worse! Hahaha!” With a full on laugh. Was that meant to be helpful? I could have slapped them.
I guess you just have to try and remind yourself you’re allowed to be happy and enjoy this time, even if other people don’t. And if you can avoid them, do.

NuffSaidSam · 03/09/2024 09:53

Misery does love company, that's why there's a saying!

People are struggling and they find common ground with other people that are struggling. It's not really difficult to understand. If you'd made a serious of wonderful financial investments and were now really wealthy your friends relying on food banks wouldn't want to hear it. It's much the same with motherhood.

Chill out, enjoy your baby, don't worry about what other people say/do.

Pyjamatimenow · 03/09/2024 09:46

You seem angry yourself tbh. Just ignore people and enjoy your situation as it is at the moment.

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