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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU in expecting my teen boys to have tidy rooms

208 replies

Newbutoldfather · 03/09/2024 08:59

I have two teen boys, early and mid teens. I expect them to keep their rooms tidy. This is non-negotiable. They need to be perfectly tidy at least once a week, so the cleaner can clean them. They can take water to their bedrooms but all other drink and food has to be eaten downstairs.

They have become pretty good at it and only need the odd nudge now, Also bedrooms are not ‘private space’. Unless the door is closed, in which case I will knock, we all go in one another’s rooms.

They can express their creativity (although don’t seem that bothered) by putting up posters or painting the walls (well, not personally, without help).

I think all the above is good role modelling and prepares them well for adult life, where spills, damage and rotting food have real consequences in terms of damaging a house and financial cost.

The reason I ask is the amount of threads where teenage rooms are vile with spills, rotting food and, less importantly, old and smelly clothes thrown anywhere and everywhere. And so many posters say that you have to respect their ‘private’ space and that they are teens and can’t help it (often, ridiculously, due to ‘lack of brain development.)

I wanted to do an AIBU to see if I was in the silent majority or if most people do see teen’s rooms as theirs to neglect and damage should they so wish.

OP posts:
BabaYetu · 03/09/2024 09:06

YANBU to want it.

YABU to demand or expect - at some point the Slob Phase kicks in and it’s horrible. But it isn’t forever and we ride it out like any other part of growing up.

Newbutoldfather · 03/09/2024 09:05

@AllBlackEverything ,

It is a discussion board.

I read many threads and certain things surprise me. Was curious to discuss. I am very happy with my boys.

It is unnecessarily confrontational to moan about a thread. If you think I am smug, just don’t bother to post.

Simples!

OP posts:
Lavendersquare · 03/09/2024 09:04

Of course your rules are fine and lucky you that your boys stick to them. You may find, as is my experience, that once they get to be older teens that are less accommodating and their rooms are messier, including hidden plates and wrappers stuffed down the side of the bed but please don't think that's because I don't care, it's because I have a lazy19 year old.

longdistanceclaraclara · 03/09/2024 09:04

I have a no food upstairs rule and no they can't damage their rooms but if they want you to live in a mess that's up to them, just close the door. If the cleaner can't clean them so be it.

Werweisswohin · 03/09/2024 09:04

YANBU in suggesting/hoping they keep their rooms tidy.
YABU in demanding it.
I also wouldn't have wanted a cleaner in my bedroom space as a teen, or now tbh.

Octavia64 · 03/09/2024 09:03

I think teens are like toddlers.

Some toddlers do not have tantrums. Their parents sometimes congratulate themselves on their parenting.

When those people have two or more children they usually discover that it is not their parenting that has meant their child does not have tantrums.

Some parents have perfect teens. You may be one of those parents, although with one early teens and one mid teens it's actually a bit early to say.

If you have a perfect teen it may or may not be your parenting that is the cause....

AllBlackEverything · 03/09/2024 09:03

Well, usually people only post if they have an issue, so you wouldn't usually see a thread with someone stating that they are happy with their kids rooms, because it would be a bit pointless. It would just be a bit smug really, wouldn't it?

TuesdayWhistler · 03/09/2024 09:02

"AIBU in expecting my teen boys to have tidy rooms?"

I'd feel pretty hypocritical if I tried to demand my kid cleaned their room, I remember how I was as a teen.
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