AIBU in expecting my teen boys to have tidy rooms

No not unreasonable. For all the same reasons. My older teens rooms have to be kept clean and tidy, clean is more important to me. Floors hoovered daily otherwise the carpets will get ruined. I can’t deal with mess even behind closed doors. If they don’t want me in there then they have to keep their rooms clean themselves.

My 4dc have all not wanted me to go in their rooms when they were teenagers - dd3 (16) has a bit of a hissy fit if I do. Ds has always liked his room to be tidy but dds not so much. I was pretty much the same as a teenager so it doesn't bother me too much. I have told dd3 that I expect her to be able to vacuum the room once a week. I can't imagine policing their rooms - my df made my life a misery as a teenager going on about my room!

I think you are understandably basing your opinions of teenage behaviour on your experience of your 2 children but from my experience and speaking to friends, not all teenagers are so compliant and many do really struggle.

I had a phase in my mid teens where I was incredibly messy. Did I struggle when I left home and at uni? Not at all! Am i clean, tidy and organised now? Yes. I can only assume, my brain changed and developed.

So my house is kept very clean and tidy. I have one child who‘s room on the whole is kept very tidy. He understands he gets less pocket money if he doesn‘t do his chores which include tidying his room. My teenage daughter on the other hand lives in a constant mess. Sometimes the idea of loss of pocket money will get her tidying, but if she has no plans for the money, she really isn‘t fussed. So both have the same parenting but with very different outcomes.

The idea that a messy room takes time, makes me laugh though and makes me wonder if you‘ve ever met a teenage girl. Her room can go from spotless to bomb site within 24 hours easily and would take far more than a ten minute tidy up to sort it.

Don't be so disingenuous.

It was never going to be a "nice chat"

You were never willing to participate in a discussion and instead chose, at length, to speak at them, to be rude, to be insulting and showed no signs of accepting that other parents do things differently and get equal, if not better results.

It was a thinly disguised attempt at berating women and how they parent at best.

It is clear that people have a multitude of different thoughts and approaches to parenting teenagers.
There really is no reason to vilify others because they think differently to you.
Live and let live, with no smugness nor self-flagellation.

The OP clearly thinks they’ve got things right and they are raising well balanced and purposeful children. Well done. But there is always more than one way to skin a cat.

No I disagree. Teens are a breed apart. It's a scientific fact that Human brains are still developing untill 28. Teens are prone to unpredictable behaviour. I would think it reasonable to assume that their room is your property!!!!!!!! To keep reasonably nice by you. Not them because they won't. Esp. floors. ....Do not give the bestest carpets or floor covering..... Make it known that you will be dusting and cleaning in there rooms. It's wise to assume teens will not keep the place clean rather than go in after a year and find a horror story. You are not being horrible to do this, I don't understand the problem. For sure you are walking on eggshells because you adore them but be practical about it , be hygienic and clean, they ll probably love your diligence.

My response was quoting someone suggesting I was a bully. Their post has been deleted.
My original answer agrees with original poster.

Right, so in that case you don't agree with OP.

Seeing as my post was deleted I'll just have to point put again that OP is controlling and allows his children no privacy.

Absolutely not. They have privacy as does everyone in the house.

Except this OP has nothing to brag about.

I'm with you on this, teenage sons 15 and 17. Expected to keep rooms tidy, don't have food and drink in them. No nagging needed, it's normal behaviour. Keeping things tidy is a skill for adulthood.
We all go into each other's rooms, door closed means do not disturb.
If I had a cleaner, I would be happy for them to clean everywhere in the house.

A stealth brag, I think you’d call it…

This thread is a prime example of why so many posters dislike men posting here.

What is it you want?

Plenty of people have rules for their teenagers. Plenty of people have teenagers who keep their rooms clean. Some don’t even have rules around it.

I don’t. My son is autistic. His room is spotless because that’s how he needs it. Dd needed a few rules but nothing strict and not many. However their rooms are still always their private space. As my room is private.

Some parents are happy for their kids to keep their room how their kids sit fit. Some parents see their children’s rooms as the parents space and so don’t let children have any influence or say about how it looks or what state it’s in. And most are somewhere in between.

But also, some people have children who are on the spectrum, have MH issues, other things going on and setting all the rules you want don’t work.

the vast majority of parents are trying their best. So not sure what you are trying to achieve here.

You could have more kids and have the same rules and it wouldn’t work. Because parenting styles also depends on the kids. I find it rare multiple kids respond perfectly to the exact same parenting their sibling got. Unless there’s some underlying fear of misbehaving, not towing the line etc.

My children have grown into confident, capable, responsible and happy adults without any such Draconian rules or sanctions for not having tidy rooms when they were teenagers.

I resent your posts because you've not engaged or shown willing to engage in a discussion. The fact you have a penis is irrelevant.

You've instead chosen to lecture everyone, ignored everyone who has replied that have said they parent their teens and instead, gone in one everyone with a different opinion to yours because you're so convinced your way is the only way.

And you've accused me of being obsessed and hating men because I don't agree with you. Do you act like this in real life?

You seem to beaming with pride over the fact your teenage sons, and yourself, can pick clothes off the floor ready for a female cleaner to clean yet you can't seem to grasp the irony of you coming on, and berating women for not raising teens properly

Why didn't you post on the Dadsnet? Then you'd get the glowing praise you want for teaching your kids the basic?

I don't even know why I'm.asking questions because you refuse to answer them and instead, have chosen verbal abuse and insults and name calling

You started this thread here purely to give you a platform to accuse women of being men haters and to insult them and decided to use the subject of tidy teens to do it.

No wonder women choose the bear.

I think you sound quite controlling of your dc. Things like no private space and control of where they eat is unusual and not really respectful imo.

Focus on "misandry" implies a lack of understanding of gender oppression imo. Even if there is a backlash from the oppressed group towards the oppressing group (which I don't necessarily accept) then it still isn't the same as the actual oppression.

Yeah, this is the bit that leapt out at me. No private space? Grim.

I agree with you 💯 I have exactly the same expectations. Being Irish I think I have a serious bee in my bonnet about raising a useless son and that thinks such jobs are women’s work.
My 13 year old son makes his bed, takes his dishes up. (I do allow him to eat a snack in his room).
If he keeps it right, washes two cars a week he gets weekly money. In the summer holidays he would empty dishwasher, hang out /fold a wash, tidy the kitchen. He got into such a good habit of these daily tasks that we didn’t even have to ask. I wish he wasn’t back at school, it is my day off and I have pissed about all morning with nothing done🤣🤣🤣

Disagreeing isn't sttacking.

My eldest will tidy up his laundry off the floor when prompted but not if he's in a rush.

I trust he will do it when he has time.

No, I wouldn't have appreciated a cleaner in my bedroom years ago as a teenager! It was my own personal space.