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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is my husband gay?

130 replies

tiredbeandrop · 03/09/2024 01:42

I've been with DH for 17 years now, married for 8. We have two children together DS16 and DD12, and have built a wonderful family together.

I had never questioned DHs sexuality, aside from passing comments from my friends about some of DHs slightly feminine qualities. Whilst he is in touch with his feminine side, he is an electrician and had always loved a pint down the local with his mates so him being gay hadn't ever crossed my mind. He has always had a close relationship with his best friend Mark however recently I feel that things have changed...

Him and Mark have been best friends since school and Mark was best man at our wedding. Me and Mark get on well but don't have a close friendship ourselves as I have my own friends.

Seeing as Mark and I have no personal connection, it completely took me by surprise when DH approached me with the idea of a potential threesome with him and Mark. Having been together for so long it's fair to say that things aren't as exciting as they once were in the bedroom for DH and I respectively, so I understand wanting to spice things up now that the children are older. DH gave little justification as to where the idea has come from, yet seemed enthusiastic and reassured me that it would be fun for all three of us. This has made me question DHs sexuality as Mark himself has never shown much interest in me other than pleasantries, making me wonder if this was DHs idea and I'm not sure what that would mean. DH and Mark have always been very close and confided in eachother but I am now starting to question the nature of their relationship.

Any advice welcome :)

OP posts:
Galoop · 03/09/2024 02:04

A MMF threesome doesn't mean your husband is gay anymore than a MFF means the woman is lesbian. Does he want to just watch or participate with Mark? I think if he were gay he'd just have sex without you tbh. Probably best you just have a conversation with him rather than us speculate about someone we don't know and probably 99% of thr posters on here would've never had a threesome or even considered one

JMSA · 03/09/2024 01:58

Sorry OP, but it sounds to me like he's definitely exploring his sexuality. And wanting to take it further with Mark under the guise of a threesome, to which you have agreed (so that leaves him guilt free).
And this idea cannot have come from nowhere. He surely must have discussed it with Mark already. And that would leave me feeling very uncomfortable if I were you. Not just the threesome thing. But the fact that you're not a piece of meat to be passed around!

MonsteraMama · 03/09/2024 01:51

Sounds like your husband wants to shag Mark guilt free. That's 99% of the time the reason a man suggests a threesome. "I want to fuck someone else but don't want to cheat, threesome!"

Also gay people can be electricians and enjoy a pint, what a completely weird thing to say.

NewtonsCradle · 03/09/2024 01:50

He's playing games, just say "no, I'm not interested."

Whatatodo79 · 03/09/2024 01:49

Well if you don't want to have sex with mark, the question becomes if your husband wants to have sex with mark, has he said that? You don't have to have a threesome if you don't want to and I can't tell from what you said about above what your husband is thinking. Ask him if he wants to have sex with mark and tell him you don't