To have stopped cooking for my kids

You know what I think op - we all have our strengths. No parent is 'perfect' - you are warm, loving, sounds like you do good work in the world if you support teenagers. Your children are able to cook and make things like gyozas! you've done well!

as a parent - I know there is some stuff I am really good at - taking them outdoors/ meeting up with others, Ill have a million playdates etc - their friends are always welcome here, our house is warm and caring - but Im not great at being strict with them - I know its a weakness but just always try to improve a bit.

the comments here are just pointless key board warriors - social services??? hahahah - I actually applied to early help from SS because of my autistic daughters behaviour - and I learnt how tragically bad the situation has to be before there is help available.

Some of these hysterical responses are hilarious!

Im guessing that those responses are from people who don’t yet have teenagers?

OP I think it’s fine. We tend to do a mixture to be honest - busy week nights the kids might make themselves toasties or bagel with scrambled egg, etc and then I’ll cook a ‘proper’ dinner once or twice a week.

And shock horror, my 12 year old is even capable of cooking chicken in the air fryer. Now that should be alerted to the authorities 😂

Hi OP,

I think it's awful to see the abuse you're getting. My friend really struggles with cooking and feeding her kids. I always encourage her to take shortcuts so I'm going to give you the same.

Sunday roast up several trays of veg. Buy them pre chopped from supermarket and season as you like. Get some protein sources from the butchers prepped already in marinade or whatever. Buy packets of rice, quinoa, baby potatoes that don't need peeling. Buy some bags of salad and have tins of pulses.

Then compile in various combinations throughout the week. You can stir-fry the veg and rice or microwave with potatoes or pasta. Ok so they are not as nutritious or tasty as cooking from scratch but honestly they are pretty close.

Good luck.

I think 15 is too young to be solely responsible for cooking. I’d start with getting them to cook 2 nights a week with a pre agreed plan as to what they’d make (spag bol, oven baked chicken burgers in a bun with salad); at the weekend I would cook two meals with them, making sure there is enough for a second night (ie, you have 2 meals for the week) and then pick up a good supermarket pizza or healthy range microwave meal for another night. Eggs on toast are also good enough for one night.

Frankly, this is what I do now (mine are 16/19, but ND and fussy eaters. Am also menopausal, been on a diet for for a year to lose the menopause/covid 5stone so I am complete hacked off with worrying about meals I can’t/won’t eat, so you have my sympathies).

My kids are all at home at the minute. They are 14, 17, 20 and 23.

My 23 year old has SEN so not a typical person of that age and lives with us full time.

I don't make breakfast or weekend lunches any more - though I do tend to prompt my youngest and we often make something together. I help my youngest put together packed lunch for school. Obviously I ensure there is food available. They are free to cook or make sandwiches etc.

I do cook an evening meal for everyone (though one of the kids loves cooking and does dinner about once a week). Last night it was chicken curry.

I try to think of this as supporting them to develop life skills, but I would be lying if I said I never feel guilty.

Are you sure that you’re eating properly? Can they help you with batch cooking?

Op -I've just thought of another easy thing I do to make it easier for everyone to fend for themselves- most weeks I roast a chicken. Then it sits in the fridge for a few days whilst my girls use it for their varied food choices.

@JMSA so sorry this thread went dark. For what it is worth I moved out a week after my 18th birthday. I think I did OK. 15 mum cooked most times but I was definitely cooking a few nights a week by then. DH started cooking for himself at 14 as his DMs cooking was so dire he couldn't face it any more and by then his older siblings had moved out.

It is probably not as big a one to deal with as you are being made to feel. Fortnightly Meal planner, developed by your kids. Split the cooking across the 3 /4 of you. Include a cheat night or two such as oven pizza or takeout on the days you are all most busy and then go from there.

It is nice to come home to a home cooked meal (slow cookers are great for this) but it isn't always possible. And your kids sound great by the way. As do you. Look after yourself. Menopause is tough so see a GP if you haven't already and make sure you are getting enough vitamins and iron if you aren't eating properly.

I feel a bit sorry for the kids. We have an 18 year old. Dh & I work full time. Dc has just completed an exam year. Dc can cook but tends to veer towards tic tok recipes which usually involve a lot of ingredients & faff so it's not every night.

I am a good cook. I taught myself when I left home at 18. My mum was a very lazy cook & very often didn't bother making dinner. She claimed she bought stuff I could make dinners with. But in truth she was on a perpetual diet in those years & very often the food available would reflect this. Or total convenience foods - boil in the bag curry, cuppasoup, frozen baguette pizza (it was the late 80s!!)

It was stressful coming in from school tired & hungry, facing an evening of study & then have to forage for something to have to eat.

I knew I would never do that to my own dc. So even though I'm in my early 50s (menopausal) & working (which my mum didn't do) I cook a meal every night.

During the week I try to make at least 2 dinners that last 2 nights. So curry or ragu or stew etc & on the second night I only have to cook the sides .

Teen years are complex & stressful for so many kids. I love knowing that having a delicious dinner & feeling looked after each evening is something my dc can rely on. I also know they love it as on the odd occasion I'm not there or suggest an alternative they tell me they miss it

I know coming home to a house with a busy kitchen smelling of something delicious is comforting. I plan to provide that as long as my dc is at home or visiting. For us its a priority.

We love eating together

Some people on this thread are truly batshit. I think I saw I was called despicable! 😂

I'm just reading this eating my breakfast (Greek yoghurt and berries) and chatting to my 13 year old as she cooks her choice of breakfast which is scrambled eggs.

Someone quickly call social services.

I would (and have! asked for washing /hoovering or a errand running, preferably to them cooking) It an act of love ,DM cooked separately for me as well sometimes, if I wasnt keen on the Dinner.Problem is when they have DC this may continue .Also if at Uni, they have to fend for themselves a bit ,appreciate meals at home then! I am just saying it goes quickly BTW. not trying to make you feel bad!

My 16yr old DD makes her own food and has for around 18 months or longer, out of choice. I leave her to it, she tells me what she wants on Saturday and our delivery comes Sunday. She makes a lot of pasta and roast potatoes, she’s become a good cook. DS (20) still likes me to cook his food when he’s home from Uni. But he can cook, and does at Uni.

For the poster who asked you if your DD cooked during exams, my daughter continued to cook for herself during GCSE’s, clearly didn’t do her any harm as she got 11 x grade 9’s. In fact it served a good purpose as it forced her to take a break from revision.

I find it funny how some posters are appalled at OP and insist her kids should have proper, nutritious,healthy, well balanced meals and then suggest things like pesto cheesy pasta or baked potato with beans/cheese. 1. Those aren't actually great meals and 2. There's no reason why a 15 yo (and definitely an 18 yo) can't make those things themselves.

I can see myself going the same way when DD is older. She's fussy as fuck, we rarely eat the same meals so I have to cook twice and sometimes she's just not fussed about food at dinner time.

Have you spoken to the kids about it? Are they happy?

I do a meal plan for the week.but as the older ones are out a lot (sports, clubs, friends...) they have the option that I can plate it for them to reheat or make their own later, and they often make their own (15, 16 & 21). They make chicken wraps, chilli, pasta & pesto, noodles etc

If they're happy, I'd say it's fine, but if they want you to cook you could try batch cooking and freezing portions when you feel up.to it that they can reheat, as a compromise.

Parenting is hard, don't beat yourself up!

Cereal and toast will not be doing your meno symptoms any favours! Could you set up a cooking rota? All cook 2 x per week and whatever on the 7th night? I would say decent home cooked meals are essential for health for all of you - at that age they could be doing their own laundry instead. You could plan the week together - I'm sure if you're close (as it sounds) your DC will step up because you need some support.

@JMSA have you asked your DCs how they would like evening meals to pan out as such? Maybe sit down with them and see if they would be interested in cooking a meal a week for you all as a family as mentioned above and you could as also mentioned look into hello fresh etc or maybe batch cook with them on a weekend. You could also prepare a load of dump bags for a slow cooker which anyone of you could pop on in a morning and be ready for you all when you come home. That would be nice for you as well to come home to a ready cooked nutritious meal. You could always have toast for supper!

Currently I’m doing all the cooking (washing up/dog walking/housework), DH has broken his elbow. Got in from work, washed up, fed the dogs, shoved salmon fillets under the grill and made a salad all whilst on the phone.

Think about the example you’re setting for the youngest, particularly. They could definitely be cooking/making a meal in turns, but so should you, just choose stuff that isn’t loads of work, like chicken that just needs popping in the oven/air fryer, occasional chips, bags of steamed veg etc. It doesn’t have to be some stunning cordon bleu effort, but I think given the age of the younger dc, it’s pretty key to ensure she experiences a healthy set of meals, whether she makes them or someone else at home does.

It's important to prioritise eating properly, OP. Especially for your own sake! You're menopausal and exhausted - eating properly will help you with that.

Get a rota in place where you cook some nights and the kids cook some nights.

Don't eat cereal and toast for dinner. You need proper food.

You will feel so much better for it.

what you said is one of their reasons
a child between 10 and 16 should not be cooking, cleaning, changing and remaking beds, washing or doing any adult responsibilities or physically looking after a adult of the opposite sex

How on earth are teens supposed to learn to look after themselves if they don't do any of those things (apart from the adult care)??

If everyone pitches in, the housework takes 1 hour a day? If they are left to sit around on their screens all day and good old mum is expected to skivvy around after them, the mum might feel resentful and the DC certainly won't learn life skills.

Mine are teens/young adults and cook about half their dinners themselves. I only buy reasonably healthy food and they like planning meals from the Oddbox.

Personally I find the family dinner dynamic very boring, if it's every single day.

OP cooking twice or three times a week with a bit of help from the teens, interesting food and conversation, is maybe an option?

I don’t always cook for my kids, youngest is 17. They will make themselves fish/chicken & chips, wraps, pasta etc. I probably say to them to make dinner 3 times a week I make the rest to make sure they get “proper” food because there is no way they would make a decent meal from scratch.

I left home at 17 and was perfectly capable of fending for myself.
I think some people do a huge disservice to teenagers.
Surely a parents role when they are mid to late teens is to equip them for the outside world, not molly coddle them like they're 5.

The sitting down to dinner is important in my opinion

I know it's tiring and annoying to plan, shop for and cook meals but even something straightforward like an omelette and salad would be fine. Also, it's important as a family to sit down together over dinner.