Furious about family wedding abroad

How bizarre!

Seriously? You never go anywhere your children aren't invited?

Wow. I've always had one rule. Doesn't matter whether it's a party, wedding or a restaurant. If my children are not welcome I'm not going. Simple.

PS: Oh and you are not being unreasonable in any way. they were careless not to warn you when you booked.

I would absolutely not go to the wedding but in stead make it a fun holiday (only if it is a destination worth visiting for you and the children)
I wouldn't buy a gift for the couple and if you already have return it or keep it for friends as a birthday gift.
Maybe you can persuade the airline and find out if you can change the flights to a destination you would all like to visit 0r go at a different time of the year.
Plus a wedding with no kids is boring anyway, they always make it more enjoyable
definitely no strange babysitters in my opinion. I would be too worried :)

@Creamandjamorjamandcream have your DPs had a chat with DB? Has anything happened?

We are all hoping the bride and groom have the sense knocked into them and have relented that all DC must be 2 hours away from the venue and stay overnight with strangers in a foreign country.

When I reread the above, it's clear the bride and groom have no fucking clue at all do they? They have no idea at all what it's like to be a parent with young DC.

Don't cancel flights etc, go and enjoy your two weeks as a family holiday, you don't have to go to the wedding. If anything is said about you not going, All you have to say is you weren't prepared to lose out financially because you hadn't been told upfront that it was a child free wedding and you weren't prepared to have strangers babysitting your young ones. Sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

So you posted on this thread without reading the OP properly. Presumptuous too much

Who do these people think they are, trying to ban your children from your hotel?? Sure, they don't want kids at the ceremony, fine, that's their right. They have absolutely no right to tell you your kids can't be at the hotel. They also are insane if they think it's okay to expect you to leave them in another town with an unknown babysitter. I wouldn't leave my children in the next room with someone I didn't know!

If this is generally a considerate person and you love them and you think they are just swept up and don't understand what they're asking of you, maybe try and travel to the destination and participate in some aspect of their wedding week that your children are welcome at, the rest of the time is a holiday. If they remain completely unreasonable and attempt to guilt or pressure you into leaving your kids with strangers, either get back what you can from your investment, or divert to another town or hotel for a holiday that has nothing to do with the wedding.

Close the book on this wedding trip and turn it into the adventure that your family deserves, and have a great time!

One of you go to the ceremony whilst the other parent watches the kids then swap over and one goes to the reception whilst the other one watches the kids. If that's too much hassle then just have a holiday (assuming you can't just get your money back if you cancel).

Amateur

So you booked before the official invite and without talking to your brother presumptuous much?
You jumped the gun your brother is not responsible for your entitlement
Do not force your kids on the bride n groom either hire a babysitter n go to the wedding
Or miss the wedding and have a holiday
Or stay home and huff and puff and loose out

Awful. Turn it into a holiday as others say. Bizarre they are trying to ban children from the hotel. That’s just unacceptable (I suspect they are afraid that the kids will hate crash and attend the wedding but that’s no excuse).

Totally unreasonable not to allow you to have DH look after them at the hotel. That’s the ok compromise.

I don’t get child free weddings which include immediate family children. In my opinion a wedding is about the joining and celebration of two families and families include children. There’s too much focus on some insta perfect day and not enough on the point of the wedding being about being married.

No, i'm relatively new to the forum.

But I still don't speak to her, she has only just started trying to make an effort with parents over the last year as DD has not been very well, but he is just being polite to her to keep the peace, he says he is not interested in a relationship with her and she's a selfish B.

Op hasn't been back since page 2.

Did you post about this at the time @CheekySwan ? I can recall a similarly ridiculously entitled situation but not the outcome… glad you stood firm if it was you, your sister was beyond rude.

Not spoken to my sister in 5 years because of a similar incident.

Sister due to get married, reception in my mum and dads house, marquee in the garden and all that! said my children were not invited, no kids (15 & 10), I said you won't see them, they will bring xbox/playstation and would be in the house, still no. Dad had a go at her - she spat her dummy out and she booked a local pub instead, said that mum & dad still welcome to go (I was not), still got married in the church in the village (she didn't even live there, she picked the church because mum and dad went there).

We didn't go, neither did mum or dad. Hilarious thing was my brothers grown up daughter and son came, both with their young children (4 & 5). Difference was one was a 'bridesmaid' and the other a 'paige' boy, but they had had to travel from Scotland to England.

I do not think YABU, he knew you would be bringing the children. You are not going to want to leave them with a stranger, in a strange country, overnight. Personally I would say its all of us or none of us. He obviously doesn't have the responsibility of children yet. Ask him how he would feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

I don't understand why your brother didn't mention this a long time ago! I understand he may have had his reservations, as let's face it, he must have known you'd be upset. However, he knew you'd booked flights, and just let you find out by the invitation!! That's pretty low. You have several options - cancel everything (with the possibility of losing money), all fly out (no one attends the wedding and treat it like a holiday), you attend the wedding alone (your husband stays behind to look after the children), you go along with your brother's wishes or you arrange for babysitters to look after your children at the wedding venue (ignoring your brother's wishes, he can't dictate who's at the venue unless he's exclusive hired the entire hotel!). I'd be furious with him too and no, there is no way in a million years I'd leave my children overnight 2 hours from me, with a stranger! I don't care how amazing they may be on paper either! I'm going to guess your brother and his partner have no children, because it's something no one with children would suggest to someone else, who has children!

I woukd see if you can cancelled and recoup any money, anything you lose class aa thier wedding present.If you can't get a decent refund and / or want the holiday just you go to the reception and leave your husband to babysit at the hotel. See if the hotel can offer a babysitter for the evening and both of you go down in the evening, when the children are asleep.He cant stop you going to the hotel and needs to compromise. .
Your brother has basically uninvited you from his wedding so I would be tempted to just get back as much money as possible, tell him thst this is what you plan to do, before he tries to turn the tables and blame you for this.Yes he's an idiot and hopefully he will look back and realise he is but be warned I wouldn't hold your breath

I’d go to the hotel and enjoy my holiday and maybe have a meal with DB and wife in the hotel but I definitely wouldn’t attend his wedding. Sod that!

childless weddings are always controversial but this is completely taking the piss! Change your accommodation and have a great holiday instead. This is shitty behaviour. I was always pretty relaxed about leaving kids with baby sitters for weddings if I had to, but not in a foreign country!!!

A now former friend of mine pulled this shit on on me. There’s no way in hell I’d be leaving my kids with a sitter I’d never met before in a rural area of anywhere. They didn’t see the problem as they’d offloaded their kids onto a random. Really made me rethink who they were.

I cut them off, you can’t as easily as he’s your brother - just take it as a holiday and send him a postcard from within the country to read when he returns. ‘Wish we could be there, lots of love from [same place your wedding was in]’

Absolutely this.

I suspect this is your only workable compromise. It would be the only one I'd choose.

Can you explain to him you won't be leaving tiny infant & toddler with unknown babysitter 2 hours away and overnight!

And this is what you are planning... What's he gonna do, tell the hotel to ban your kids from staying?!? Also how is it gonna impact the couple?? You and your Oh will tag team looking after the kids... The wedding party probably won't even notice

Very simple: you can’t leave children with babysitters if not in hotel.
You cancel. It should have been made clear children were not welcome.