Furious about family wedding abroad

I wouldn’t go…..I would cut my losses and cancel

Who on earth are the 7% of posters who think the OP is being unreasonable? I suspect that they haven't bothered to read the OP properly.

That is just wild, his own nieces and nephews. Are your parents not raging too?
I would be so annoyed if one of kids did that.

I don't understand why family don't allow close family kids. They're part of the family! It's so sad. Especially going all that way.

Of all the weddings I have attended (about 20), the couples that didn't want kids and were very up tight generally about their very expensive weddings are ALL divorced now. The more relaxed and less expensive weddings, where kids were there and everyone had a riot, are all still together!

Really diplomatic but firm message is go with this or similar

Cancel it all, I agree with a pp. That is disgusting! Tell your DB if your dcs can't attend, you're not going. He sounds awful, he is willing to leave his nephew/neices with a stranger, due to being precious. He didn't even tell you, that should have been clearly stipulated on the invite!

Very very dick-ish.

And I would bet a brides friend or relative attends with a child!!!

(had a wedding invite where my significant other was not invited. Even tho he went to Uni with bride, bridesmaids and other guests. “Sorry, No plus one unless engaged/married”. At wedding, bride’s co-worker brought her sister … because she insisted & would not attend without her because she “didn’t know anyone”. Though we all knew HER !!! Yes, Cyndi - I am talking about you!)

What did the groom think OP was going to do with her kids?

I can't answer that, @EsmeSusanOgg, but then it's why I said that clarifying these things before booking anything might have been a better option

Excellent wording. I'd go with this.

Dear brother

The proposal to leave our very young children 2 hours away from us with strangers in a foreign country would be extremely neglectful. This is not something we would consider in the uk, let alone abroad. We are incredibly upset that this plan was not communicated to us as we never would have booked plane tickets and the hotel. We cannot agree to leave them under any circumstance. If their basic needs cannot be accommodated, we unfortunately won’t be able to attend the wedding.

I'd go on the holiday but give the wedding a miss

I would choose C

Also...while I'm here..

It's said a lot on MN re weddings when DC are mentioned as to whether they're invited or not and the answer no which ok, it's the bride/grooms choice but it's not really up to them to decided/suggest that the parents leave their DC with a person that the parents let alone the DC don't even know, bet your bottom dollar if in future the B&G have DC the same suggestion would be look upon as unthinkable.

You need to be 100% honest with him that you are not comfortable leaving the children and it is a make of break situation if they cannot attend. Personally I find that incredibly rude that you are travelling so far at your own expense and the wedding it child free and they know you have children 🤦🏻‍♀️. They are putting you in a very uncomfortable position and state that you would not enjoy the wedding as you would be worried about the children throughout the entire day. What a shit thing to do I hope you get it resolved OP x

The wedding is in Australia...

What did the groom think OP was going to do with her kids?

I’d be fuming too, I can’t believe people are moaning at you about waiting for the official invites, he is your brother, not a cousin or other distant relative, he should have mentioned that it was child free when they first spoke to you about the wedding!
I’d be informing my brother that unfortunately due to them not wanting children to attend that we would no longer be able to join them for their special day but as accommodation and flights are booked we’d be in the country to enjoy a family holiday and would visit them after their wedding day to congratulate them.

Your choices are

A) do as they suggest and use babysitters
B) children stay with your DH and you go alone
C) fuck the wedding and enjoy a nice family holiday
D) fuck the wedding and cancel

Personally I'd go with B or C

I'm not surprised you are raging. Your DB is a thoughtless idiot.

I wouldn't spend all that money on a trip for only you to go to the actual wedding. What a waste of money. I would just say if kids aren't allowed, then you won't be able to attend.

He even knew you were booking flights for all of you ...

Did he though, @Spondoolies?
OP said "he knew we had booked flights for us all and this had never been mentioned", but note the "had booked", which rather sounds as if he found out OP had arranged for the DCs to come only after they'd done it

As PPs have said it might have been better to clarify before booking anything, but since OP was planning a longer stay anyway, thankfully all's not lost

Yep context is everything 😀But I think this is half way across the world. Where is the wedding OP?

Absolutely ridiculous of them. Don't know what I would do. But I don't think I would bother with them after the wedding. Probably cancel and never speak t9 them again. No present either. Idiots

Ah. I hadn't seen the bit about being 2 hours away. Are you staying at the wedding venue overnight? In that case I would absolutely just bring them with you to the hotel even if they are being looked after during the event. Unless it is an adult only venue??

It's so completely impractical and I flexible when they recognise youre travelling so far that I'd send back a breezy "no worries. Unfortunately i don't want to leave kids with strangers- we don't even do it at home- therefore we won't be coming. However you know the dates we will be in Australia so hopefully we can meet up before or after your wedding 🙂 x"

Why would you book it before you had the invite though? I’d have waited for the actual invitation to come through. Child free weddings are really popular now (for good reason).

This...
I'd be furious too, your DB could have told you all the information when first mentioning the wedding.

TBH it's a lot of money to holiday in such a place when DC as young as yours may not remember it.
But..

If you're going to lose out by cancelling just go and have some wonderful adventures with your DH and DC, and if by chance you've a window to slot in time with your DB/SIL do so, if not don't be overly bothered by not doing so.