Furious about family wedding abroad

Also, I can't remember the last time I had to deal with an annoying cat on a plane who wouldn't shut the fuck up, ruining the flight for everyone ...

Yes actually, my cats are rescues from countries where they would have been killed if they ventured out to the wrong places so they are indoor cats and the only people they annoy are us. Wish I could say the same about your kids.

I'm under no illusions about people wanting to be around my kids. I don't even want to be around them sometimes because yes, they can be annoying. That age old saying about kids being like farts comes to mind tbh...

Do you keep your cats under control and stop them from running around and annoying others by shitting in their gardens?

I get annoyed by that on a daily basis. A few hours at a wedding with some kids being kids is infinitely preferable.

Sounds to me like your brother knew you probably wouldn’t come if you knew there were no children allowed hence telling you only after you’ve booked.

I’m usually very much in favour of a childless wedding and feel it’s completely the bride and grooms decision however, on this occasion I’ve got to say it’s been very badly handled and considering it’s your brother I’d expect at least closest family members children to be allowed.

Sorry, no advice but maybe if you’re close enough to your brother could you maybe talk with him frankly about the position you’re now in?

Has nothing to do with respect, kids are annoying and contrary to what you may want to think, nobody really wants to be around your kids.

Cool story bro. I wonder if you'll actually respect your friends kids once they become adults and subsequently, more worthy beings?

The best weddings I have been to were child free. Who wants annoying children running around when you are trying to enjoy yourself? So that's definitely the couple's prerogative. I wish we could have had a child free wedding, unfortunately not something my family's culture condones (though they could certainly do with having less children), however we did tell the friends coming who would have spent a few weeks traveling with us to not bring their kids bc we didn't want to be around them. That being said, if you have already paid either skip the wedding and have a holiday or get your money back. It is what it is.

Are you staying overnight at the hotel on the wedding day as the bride and groom can’t police no babysitters or hotel nanny if you are paying for a room. They can say no kids at the wedding but that should have been made clear from the outset.

you’ve booked and unlikely to get money back from it so enjoy your holiday. You can choose to go alone to part of the wedding if you wish to while partner looks after kids.

Have you made any decisions @Creamandjamorjamandcream

This! They have no right to dictate who stays and who doesn't stay in a hotel! But to be honest I'd be so pissed off with the fact that they haven't given you the heads up prior to booking flights and accommodation I don't think I would go anyway. Either cancel everything or if you can't do that just treat it as a family holiday and do your own thing

Its an invitation, not a summons

Can we stop using this bloody saying! So damn irritating.

OP, I was be furious too. Your own nieces and nephews not been invited to your wedding is so weird.

I would cancel too if you can.

I think you should try and book to stay in the hotel where the wedding is taking place, take your kids and book a babysitter to look after them while the wedding is taking place. Just tell your brother this is what you have done: he and his wife have no right to dictate who may stay at the hotel. It would be really sad to miss the wedding.

You want your children to accompany you everywhere? Why?

Any updates @Creamandjamorjamandcream ?

I don't agree with adult only weddings especially in the modern day when many many people have children before marriage. And more so for family's children. Each to their own. In your position I wouldn't go unless someone trusted could look after the children.

It says in the OP that the bride and groom don't even want the children on the hotel premises.

So even when kids have been invited to weddings we’ve tried to sort out babysitters, as it’s no fun to be at an evening wedding with overtired kids, clearly it only works if the wedding is in a hotel and the babysitter is right there eg in room or with a newborn in pram in lobby area. I’d try and compromise eg will get babysitter for bedtime at 7pm in the hotel the wedding is in. can your DP can take it in turns to check on kids and babysitter. Getting a babysitter for earlier in the day isn’t fair on your kids. If this isn’t acceptable or hotel can’t find babysitter I would cancel.

When is the wedding? Maybe there is still time for you to cancel the accommodation. It's really unfair of your brother to expect you all to spend all this time, money, and make efforts with small children to attend his wedding on the other side of world and he cannot accommodate a little bit.
He should have told you when he told you about no child policy when he invitated you verbally.

I'd just keep the bookings and treat it as your holiday. Presumably the hotel accepted your booking for the children as well so they're not banned from the venue itself just the wedding? Well stuff them. Go, enjoy yourself, if your husband feels like popping downstairs to say congratulations let him but they can hardly ban you from being at the hotel can they? Or if cancellation is possible just keep flights and stay somewhere else?

And I'm sure the hosts are mightily relived that someone so entitled declines their invite!

Anyway, to the actual question, I would be cancelling if I could get the money back but if not take it in shifts to look after the kids. Obvioulsy they can't be banned from the hotel.

I think I might be inclined to cancel anyway and apply the ' sunk costs' rule. This would just leave a nasty taste in my mouth..they must have known you were booking the flights and hotel and should have told you at the invite stage that kids were not welcome. It sounds like you would have never booked the trip if you had known.

I wonder if the @Creamandjamorjamandcream will update?

OP I have been in this EXACT situation, except I had only one child who was 2 years old. I sent my dickhead DB & his fiancee an email saying that unfortunately we can no longer attend since it was child free but I wished them well. His fiancee threw a tantrum and called up my DM crying but they did immediately change their mind to agree to onsite babysitting.

I actually wish that I had canceled the flights before emailing them as I would have got most of the money back even though I had booked non-refundable flights. I still ended up missing half the wedding as my kid panicked being left alone with a stranger. My DB didn't see me the whole of my holiday in his country, except for the wedding and at one other wedding-related event, however he did find time during his wedding to "joke" that I was a difficult mum.

I consider my relationship with him to be effectively over, except for normal civilities like wishing each other happy birthday etc. But he's always been a knobhead to me and considered me "less than" so it's no great loss!

Yes, this. Have they booked out the whole hotel? If not, are they seriously thinking that they can dictate to all the other guests whether or not they bring children?

And when you say he knew you'd booked everything – did he seriously let you say you'd booked flights etc for the kids as well and not say anything at the time?

That’s extremely unusual.