Furious about family wedding abroad

Your brother is out of order. I understand kid free wedding but banned from the hotel- no! Can you get some / most money back? If not, and it’s a destination you’d like to visit, plan a wonderful family trip and don’t bother with the wedding.

Bloody hell I've read some selfish shit over the year but what the hell is your brother thinking? It's utterly ridiculous to be so awkward in the first place (if this is public hotel surely he can't stop them being there with your husband?). But not to have mentioned their intentions before you went ahead and committed financially is just appalling. Sorry OP I'd be absolutely tamping too.

Do you have a mil/ people on the other side of the family who might be willing to come and babysit? When my DS and his wife were invited to a no-children wedding in Spain, my DH and I ( DGPs) went out with them to look after the DC on the wedding day. Obviously we paid for ourselves. We had five days in Spain - I really enjoyed it, and I think they did, too.

I just would go to the wedding frankly... you have a lovely family holiday booked and can do what you want while there which involves not going somewhere where you aren't actually welcomed.

And for the record there is not a chance in hell on any planet I would ever leave my kids with a stranger, hours away, in a foreign country. That sounds like the start of a Madeline McCann style documentary. I don't even use random unknown baby sitters in this country when I would be no further than 30 minutes away, when the kids would be in their familure setting and its the same language/country/culture etc...

Did you post about this earlier in the year? Very similar thread with same issue, if not. Worth a search.

Cancel! I'd be fuming and also express to brother that I'd expect some reimbursement for the money I would loose seeing as he wasn't up front about it all

I am appalled on your behalf and I had a (mostly) childfree wedding but of course made an exception for babies and also for people who had travelled a long way. We also had our wedding very local to about 80% of the guests so that everyone could make easy arrangements and spoke to friends in advance.

I would cut your losses and cancel if you have to... or turn it into a holiday if you thought you would enjoy it. You must feel incredibly let down.

Saying they are band from the hotel is so out of order!

Go to this country you already have flights for and make it a family holiday - stuff the wedding. Your DB can catch up with you all when he can. (I also have a db who thinks the world revolves around him and you should accommodate his demands).

Your brother is being awful. Normally I am fine with child free weddings but not in this circumstance with all the effort you are going to.

Tbh I’d just cancel. Unacceptable behaviour

Wow, I cannot actually believe people treat family in this way. Of course people can do as they please for weddings but to exclude immediate family children on a wedding so far away is awful, and of it was to be the case then he should have told you much earlier. I actually have no issue with child free weddings but Chris is mega selfish.

Not a chance I'd be going to the wedding

There doesn't 'have' to be a reason.

It may well be that the hotel is not kid friendly - though if the OP has booked a room there for her and her DH and their two children, I suspect they already know that it is not adults only.

I would think the reason the DB is saying 'no you can't bring children to the hotel to be sat in your room' is that he or his soon-to-be DW suspects that children at the hotel will rapidly turn into children at the wedding reception and 'we just thought you might like to see them' and 'they were so excited to pop their little suits on and say hello'... etc.

Which undoubtedly, some parents would try to pull.

The reason could just be 'we don't want you to'. Even if there is a reason, doesn't automatically have to be a good one, a fair one or a reasonable one!

I've no issue with child-free weddings, but people having weddings that involve a LOT of effort on the guests part, who expect these guests to show up (because a wedding without guests seems a bit bonkers), but then put ridiculous restrictions on them like 'your kids can't be in a room with a baby sitter, in the same hotel as us'... thats an issue.

Why the hell should your partner travel all that way to sit in a hotel room for the wedding? Most expensive baby sitting escapade ever.

Just cancel the whole thing OP or if you can’t turn it into a holiday. Your bro clearly hasn’t a scoobies about kids, so it’s time he learnt.

Telling someone they made "such a silly suggestion" makes it sound like you're talking to a 3 year old. I missed the first line about being the other side of the world, apologies for commiting such a crime.

You did not read the OP or the thread and made a silly suggestion. Me pointing that out is not 'being funny'.

"We have booked flights and accommodation for the wedding and the two weeks either side to explore."

I would treat it as a holiday and just ditch the wedding. There is no way I would leave my children with strangers two hours away from me, just no way.

Your brother is being a twat.

I think the suggested responses are a little precious or formal in their language, but you're not being precious at all. Assuming the time difference means this has to be done by text, I'd just say:

Hi DB, I wish you'd told us the wedding is child free before we booked, we wouldn't have contemplated coming. We don't leave them with strangers so that's not an option. Honestly it never even occurred to us that they weren't invited when you knew we were planning on coming, it's so far and so expensive. We're going to use the flights since they're booked but we won't be at the wedding. Hope you have a wonderful day, perhaps we can meet up at some other point in our visit. OR, We're going to cancel the flights, but hopefully you'll be home in the next few years and we can catch up then.

That’s sounds like a sensible plan OP. I would also be fuming!

Ask your DB to ask any friends with kids whether they would travel half way round the world and leave kids with strangers in a location 2 hours away from parents.

Agree that they will realise the folly of their request once they have their own kids but other parents in their circle may bluntly spell it out for them in the meantime.

Oh OP. Solidarity. Similar thing happened to me only I found out AT THE AIRPORT having already checked in and about to board. I was a FTM and my baby was only 4 months old. The idea of leaving him with a stranger more than approximately 10m away was just a no for me. I was also ebf. So basically said I'd be in the county and enjoy the holiday but would miss the wedding as I wasn't willing to do that. At which they 'found' a room at the venue so I could have a babysitter on site at the wedding and pop back whenever I wanted to. Was so frickin cheeky though and I was bloody miffed. Was a really big trip for us, haven't done anything anywhere like it since as could never afford it. They'd been asking us since before baby was born it we were able to come and if we'd be okay flying with him being so little etc. Never suggested it was a kid free wedding!! So for us to agree to go all that way and with such a tiny baby only to find out he wasn't even invited....grrr!!!!

That’s awful of them. You’re spending all that money to attend their wedding, dragging your little kids halfway round the world for it, and they’re not even invited? I hate child free weddings, I think the people who have them are really miserable 🙈

I had a childfree wedding in the UK - because of the UK rules about venue licensing which meant that every person in the ceremony/dining room including babes in arms was counted towards the limit of how many they may have, plus the cost.

however we of course made an exception for family members, AND babies, AND for those who travelled from overseas (in the end noone from overseas could come because of Covid).

so your brother is being very unreasonable. Probably will eat his hat once he has his own kids and understands what an asshole he was

Don't spend your money attending.

Omg I would be livid!! Cancel and don't go 100%