Furious about family wedding abroad

How on earth can the OP check on her DC when they are in a hotel 2 hours away. That would be a 4 hour round trip to do just one check.

I'd go on holiday and stuff wedding

My sister did this exact thing to my brother for her wedding. She didn’t have kids at the time so didn’t understand that he might not want to leave them with random babysitters. My mum got involved and told her that she had to invite his kids, which she did in the end. Really shockingly bad behaviour though!

Staggering that your relative thinks he can dictate whether your kids are in the hotel with you. What he fuck is he on about? Getting married doesn't mean you get to select who is in a mile radius of you at all times.

They’re being total knobs. What do your parents think of the kids being excluded I wonder?

Wow that’s awful!
They must have known given how long you were coming for that you’d bring your children! I’d never leave my kids with a random.
I’d be saying kids are coming or we won’t be! Then I’d go on holiday there anyway and avoid the wedding!

Children of the immediate family should definitely be invited especially given it’s so far away. I can guarantee if they have children they will think differently. We had a similar situation abroad but they did have babysitters for the children in a separate building. My family member expressed regret at enforcing this set up once he had children of his own.

You don't have to go. I missed my DBs wedding on the other side of the world on a tropical island. It would have been around £10k for us to go as a family and it was just too much for us. I wished them all the best and enjoyed the photos.

Quite.
I would be contacting the hotel direct.

Cancel - even if it means losing some money. However, perhaps it might have been a good idea to ask in advance if children would be included in the invite. Never assume, I guess.

If you really want to go to the wedding, and there is no hotel near the venue, you could hire a campervan and drive there. Park near the wedding, and ask DH to look after your DC while you attend. Maybe you could swap over for a while so he can put in an appearance too.

I would cancel everything, recoup what you can and send them a bill for the balance.

If they don’t accommodate you in some way and you can’t get your money back, then still travel but don’t go to the wedding. Their fault, not yours

How much could you get back if you cancel? Investigate that over next couple of days. In a couple days message him and tell him you categorically are not comfortable leaving having the kids anywhere but on the hotel site. As they won't permit it you will be cancelling the trip completely (if most money back). If you can't get money back or transfer it to another holiday destination then I'd say make the most out of the trip and go explore as planned and say you won't be attending the wedding but hope to see them while you're there.

I'd also give him a bollocking for not telling you kids not invited from beginning as he's now cost you X you didn't have and the outcome is the same, you won't be attending the wedding.

Your brother is a twat. And that’s a kind word for him. I could never forgive my brother if he did that.

Absolutely awful! Did he know you’d booked you all to go? I’d personally have only one of you go to the wedding (the closed relative) and the other be with the kids and/or take turns and just have a big holiday away. That’s if I can’t cancel. If I have a choice, I would absolutely cancel and take my money elsewhere.

"Don't go to the wedding, just treat the time away as a holiday. That's what I'd be doing".

This seems the best idea if you can't cancel and get a refund. It's really unfair of relative to move the goal posts once you've booked - I would not want to leave children with unknown babysitters.
Up to you if you want to visit relatives while you're there.

@Creamandjamorjamandcream are your parents going? Do they know that it is going to be tricky for you?

Agree with everyone that this is the solution.

I would absolutely cancel and either get as much of a refund as possible, or see whether the booking could be transferred to pay gor a holiday you actually want. Expecting you to leave your children with an unknown babysitter hours away is insane .

Your brother doesn't want his own nieces/nephews there! Disgusting! Don't go. Hopefully Hel realise how awful that is when he's a parent himself

Practical question - what can you cancel? If you can cancel accommodation and rearrange flights, then I’d do that. If not, I’d just go on the holiday and decline the wedding. (Or you could turn up for the ceremony on your own while your DH entertains the kids for a couple of hours, but don’t go to the reception. There’s no way on earth I’d leave my kids with a random babysitter except for an actual life threatening emergency. Your brother has been completely out of order not to be upfront before you booked.)

I think you're being unreasonable about regretting the flights - you've said you're taking another 2 weeks to explore the area, so it will be a holiday; the flights won't be wasted. However, I think your brother is being a bit of a dick suggesting that the children can't be babysat in the same hotel as the wedding. What does he think - they'll overpower the babysitter and run amok?! I'd just contact the hotel directly and ask about arranging a babysitter for the evening of the wedding; I wouldn't bother negotiating that with your brother. It's fair enough he can invite whomever he chooses to his wedding, but he can't dictate how or where you arrange childcare.

Yes she could, but from her posts she appears to prefer to cancel and lose the money, so I was saying go anyway, enjoy the holiday, but in the meantime chuck a pebble in, make some waves and see where that leads.

It's not a real option though when you know that both, or one or other of the children may be very traumatised by being left with a stranger.
Certainly my daughter when young would have been very unhappy to have been left with anyone overnight, even those people she knew, if I wasn't there.