Furious about family wedding abroad

Cancel everything - they are fuckwits! Spend the money on a nice family holiday.

Just to add - yes, you're totally justified in your anger. And no, it doesn't matter if they knew you were staying two weeks either side or only flying in for the weekend.

They should have been clear about being child-free from the outset / before people incurred travel costs.

(Also, they cannot control whether or not you bring your children to the hotel unless they've booked out and paid for the entire hotel themselves)

Hope you find a resolution.

This is dreadful behaviour on your brothers part. I think I would still go. But, I would arrange childcare for at the hotel. He can't dictate where your kids get babysat or what goes on outside of the wedding! . He can dictate who attends his wedding though. If anyone asks, just tell the truth, it wasn't mentioned to you until it was too late.
A wedding is a few hours. You will be the bigger person for showing up (but you arrange the childcare that you want,) no family fall outs and the rest of the time you cam have a gorgeous holiday.

I absoltely hate no child weddings when people are travelling a long way. We hired a babysitter for our own kids at our wedding and everyone brought their kids and they all piled in one room together to watch cartoons when they got tired.

It would be a shame to miss the wedding,so go back to your brother and explain how shit this is.

If they won't budge, or at least allow the kids to be babysat within the hotel where you are, then go alone and put on a smile while your husband minds the kids. It's only one day and it's not worth causing the fall out as you are family, and it's all booked anyway. One day he will probably realise what a knob he has been and be really grateful that you still came for his big day.

Get the flights transferred. Take the family to Disneyland.

What about the OP’s budget?! It’s going to be costing her thousands of pounds!

This exact thing happened to our family / except s’n’law-to-be sent us a link to a baby sitting website (after we had all booked long haul plane tickets and accommodation) and said we could find a baby sitter online. My little sister’s youngest child was 6
months old and our oldest child was 8.

I have never really deep down forgiven her and my brother to be honest - they should have said no kids on the invite.

I knew deep down if they had kids there was no way they would leave a six month old with a stranger found on the website - and low and behold yes their daughter is about 8 and only left with family or friends.

Oh come off if, what sane person would leave their children overnight with a babysitter they’d never met in a foreign country?!?!?!?

Total dick move on their part. They have made life very difficult for you.
Could you go on the holiday anyway as a family?
If you still are looking for some way to attend the wedding, could you go to the ceremony alone whilst your husband looks after the kids/ come in the evening while he has them?
Not that you should be bending over backwards for them at all!
I wouldn't blame you for cancelling everything.

That is on you TBH. Would you rather I had been ruder? It was silly. You can be silly and an adult.

I’d probably be an arse and turn up to the wedding with kids in tow. They could sit on the parents lap and share the food.

Your brother and his fiance are being ridiculous.

I will say I once helped out a couple in a pinch like you. Family friends had posted in a local FB group and I corresponded with them before their arrival and baby-sat at the venue. I'm just a local Mum but did it b/c in the same situation I'd want someone trustworthy etc. They stayed in touch after and told me how that kind offer single handedly didn't ruin the holiday for them. They'd also come from abroad. I wonder if you post the location if anyone knows of any local parent groups where someone either is a local family with trusted sitters or a Mum who is willing to help out? That way they'd be at the venue and you could check on them regularly.

You would leave your kids with a babysitter you’d never met two hours away in a foreign country? I don’t think everyone would be comfortable with that.

Really shitty of them to do. I wouldn't cancel but ditch the wedding and continue with the holiday. They deserve you not turning up.

Which country is it, OP?

I bloody hate child free weddings.
And you can bet your bottom dollar in 3 years time when she has her own DC she'll be moaning about how she 'realises it's everyone's choice and she also had a childfree wedding, but surely the bride can understand she's still breastfeeding?? And she doesn't know anyone in that town and can't possibly leave het child with a stranger."
Ughh I would be very tempted to not go.

The bride and groom are being twats. Zero emotional intelligence and empathy.
I wonder if you are the only guests with DC?
I would do one of the following:
*Cancel everything
*DH stays in the wedding venue in the bedroom with DC
*Keep the holiday accommodation and you just travel to the wedding for the day and evening, then get back to your family and enjoy your holiday

Wow I’m childfree but even I think he has handled this incredibly badly and no wonder you are upset.
I would cancel for sure.

@Creamandjamorjamandcream

“We have booked flights and accommodation for the wedding and the two weeks either side to explore.”

As you have already booked the accommodation for the wedding, I presume that you have booked a family room for you all? If this is the case, then the hotel has already agreed to allow your children to stay there! Therefore your ‘d’b and his fiancée CAN stop them from attending the wedding, but CAN’T stop you taking your dcs to the venue. If they’re not happy, tough, it’s not as if you’re going to be seeing them every week or two…

If you can get the money back then do and don’t go.

if you can’t get the money back just go on holiday and decline the invitation, tell them you’d love to celebrate with them afterwards. Then everyone will see the poor behaviour.

The holiday was booked around the wedding obviously, but now it’s just one day out of four weeks. That was my point. It’s not as if they are travelling, going to the wedding and turning around to come home so all the money is wasted and the kids are just going to sit in a hotel room and get no benefit from the trip. There will also be opportunities for the family to catch up outside of the wedding day.

Cancel what?

OP is going on holiday, that likely can't be cancelled and she can have a wonderful time.

She obviously can't cancel the wedding as its not her wedding. She can't cancel 'attending' the wedding because she hasn't even RSVP'd that she is attending as she only just got an invite and now can't.

Could you all go and then you go to the wedding alone and your DH looks after the kids? It is outrageous that your children are not invited when he is such a close family member.

Yes and here the key point for me:

I have an obligation to my young vulnerable children and their well being and care, that is literally my main responsibility in life above everything else.

I don't have any obligations to my sibling but especially not when they are actively causing an issue with my kids.

What exactly did your brother say to you about the wedding before the formal invitation to was received?

Did he send out save the dates and tell you the venue's confirmed so you should go ahead and make bookings?

Did you tell him you were going to book?