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AIBU?

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Original poster

Row over which Supermarket?

134 replies

JessiePink · 02/09/2024 14:51

AIBU? I do the food shopping in our household.
We both work, and we both car share (it's really annoying and we have had rows over this but we cannot afford two cars).
I tend to do the food shopping Wednesday after work. I work in the next town to where we live.

Around the corner from where I work I jump on the motorway and come off at the next junction at the retail park, it takes me about 7-8 mins from work.
The reason I go to this Aldi as on the retail park there is also a Food Warehouse and a B&M and a Home Bargains in case I need any cleaning bits also.

My husband is constantly on my case about going to this particular retail park. He cannot understand why I want to go (in his words) all the way over there.

I explain when I'm at work it's literally round the corner and takes me 10 mins. I also explain that as there are multiple shops it saves me from driving here there and everywhere for my bits.

He doesn't understand why I cannot go to the Aldi which is still in the town where I work, but closer to our home (it's a really small Aldi!) and I am WASTING PETROL according to him!

I've gotten to the point now were I tell him to do one and I will food shop were I want seen as I'm the one who does the shopping and I'm the one who does the cooking!
It feels controlling to me!

We have a joint bank account together as he earns more than me and I also have a child from a previous relationship so when we had separate money, I was always skint as I was paying half of everything and for my child too.

OP posts:
FranklySonImTheGaffer · 02/09/2024 15:58

Whoever does the shopping can choose where to do it imo (DH does it all here as we're also car sharing but I mostly wfh and get the train to work so he can do it on his way home).
It's a PITA job so if your way makes it easier for you, carry on.

My practical solution would be to give him 3 options:

  1. You continue doing what you're doing and he STFU
  2. He does it (by himself, with no input from you)
  3. You pay the extra for delivery from one of the bigger supermarkets that offer it.

Oh and I'd lose my shit if my DH ever used it against me that he earns more. You need to shut that attitude down asap.

Starlight1979 · 02/09/2024 15:53

JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:49

It's not the first time I've told him about it. It's annoying and I find it really belittling that he's trying to tell me which supermarket I have to go to.
It's a conversation we have had previously many times. I find it strange that he even cares as long as there is food for the week and we can eat all week what's the problem!
I shop at Aldi and Food Warehouse not bloody Waitrose!

Show quote history

If you've spoken about it before and he's still doing it then I would just not shop for him any longer. I would buy enough to feed me and my child - literally just buy 2 ready meals each day (or something that feeds specifically 2 people) - and tell him if he wants a meal he can go food shopping himself.

Changingplace · 02/09/2024 15:52

What a complete weirdo he is, I can’t imagine a situation where DH even particularly cares which supermarket I go to, this can’t be the only thing he’s controlling about?

If DH started going on like this I’d let him do the shopping, it’s ridiculous!

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 02/09/2024 15:52

JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:20

Well with regards to the joint account he can moan at me. We both work, I do the finances I.e make sure all the direct debits for bills are paid etc and then separate what spending money we have left after food and petrol is covered.
He can pick at me for things, for example if I go to home bargains for example and spend £30 on fabric conditioner, washing powder, cleaning stuff etc he can get in a huff with me like ffs why hve you spent all that.
I said unless you just want me to wash our clothes with water and clean with water I don't know what you expect.
But he's just changed our car cos he wanted to, bought some new shorts for our holiday, bought some new vests for our holiday but I haven't.
When I said something he jokingly said "I earn more than you"
Really gets on my nerves!

Show quote history

I couldn't be with someone with that attitude to money.

DH occasionally jokes about earning more but he knows I used to earn more and will likely in the future. Took time off for mat leave, and now work PT and don't particularly want the next step up while DD is so little as it's a lot more responsibility. But cos of all that, we know he's joking and we're both ok with it.

Someone who got upset that I was shopping at Aldi while buying themselves a new car would be out of my door.

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:49

extrasushiplease · 02/09/2024 15:47

You're overdue for a real sit-down conversation. This is just annoying disrespect, and it's not how a partnership should work: Otherwise, why would any of us want one?

Otherwise, tell him that he can take his big paycheck and take care of the shopping himself. Use that extra time to find a good solicitor. What a weird bore this guy is!

It's not the first time I've told him about it. It's annoying and I find it really belittling that he's trying to tell me which supermarket I have to go to.
It's a conversation we have had previously many times. I find it strange that he even cares as long as there is food for the week and we can eat all week what's the problem!
I shop at Aldi and Food Warehouse not bloody Waitrose!

OP posts:
extrasushiplease · 02/09/2024 15:47

You're overdue for a real sit-down conversation. This is just annoying disrespect, and it's not how a partnership should work: Otherwise, why would any of us want one?

Otherwise, tell him that he can take his big paycheck and take care of the shopping himself. Use that extra time to find a good solicitor. What a weird bore this guy is!

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:46

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:38

Why share finances? Well unless you benefit of course, but sounds like you don’t!

When we went 50/50 on everything. I was always skint as he earns more than me so I was left with little disposable income for my child and me.

OP posts:
Starlight1979 · 02/09/2024 15:44

Livinginaclock · 02/09/2024 15:42

This isn't about supermarkets, it's about him being controlling.

Yeah this.

I do the food shopping in our house and honestly DP wouldn't even know which supermarket I had been to. Never mind how close it was to my work. He couldn't give a crap as he appreciates it's a job that he doesn't want and is grateful that I do it!

Livinginaclock · 02/09/2024 15:42

This isn't about supermarkets, it's about him being controlling.

Shoxfordian · 02/09/2024 15:41

He wasn't joking about earning more

Tell him to do the shopping himself and he can go where he wants

Poppins21 · 02/09/2024 15:40

It is really knobby and weirdly controlling.

BIossomtoes · 02/09/2024 15:39

I’d just buy everything in Aldi, their cleaning products are really good.

Missing the point entirely, I’d be annoyed if my bloke bought fabric conditioner, I hate it.

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:38

Why share finances? Well unless you benefit of course, but sounds like you don’t!

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:37

JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:34

No I'm nearly 40. I've got one child. I never wanted anymore

Show quote history

Thank goodness. Sorry my comment was too brutal to be of much help, but you’re free to leave. He’s controlling, rude, selfish. All of this I’ve gleaned from the nasty comments he makes. Please don’t waste time on an idiot.

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:34

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:31

I hope you’re not going to breed with this idiot.

No I'm nearly 40. I've got one child. I never wanted anymore

OP posts:
Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:34

AppropriateAdult · 02/09/2024 15:30

"I earn more than you" is a bit of a red flag if you're married and share finances. Do you have children together, OP?

No. Not together. I have a teenager from a previous relationship who lives with us.

OP posts:
godmum56 · 02/09/2024 15:34

so what does he bring to the party? And is it worth it?

Alifemadelessordinary · 02/09/2024 15:31

Start online shopping and get all your cleaning supplies etc there. He'll soon change his tune when he sees how expensive it is.

He sounds like a knobhead. I can't deal with penny pinching on joint expenses.

Hazydetailonlife · 02/09/2024 15:31

I hope you’re not going to breed with this idiot.

AppropriateAdult · 02/09/2024 15:30

"I earn more than you" is a bit of a red flag if you're married and share finances. Do you have children together, OP?

Hadalifeonce · 02/09/2024 15:23

Ok DH, you do the shopping and cooking if you're not happy with the way I do it.

Sakura7 · 02/09/2024 15:22

He sounds absolutely batshit, and I'd be telling him that.

So many threads on here at the moment about controlling men, it's depressing.

Sundayleap · 02/09/2024 15:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

EngineEngineNumber9 · 02/09/2024 15:20

He sounds controlling. It would be one thing if you were insisting on a 50 mile round trip to Waitrose to get foie gras but it sounds like you more than make up the “extra” fuel costs in not having to go to several locations instead of one retail park. You’re an independent adult and he’s treating you like a teenager or employee.

Original poster
JessiePink · 02/09/2024 15:20

Gugl · 02/09/2024 15:09

We have constant rows about this and it drives me insane. He doesn't like the fact that I drive there after work because of the petrol I'm using! It takes me 7 mins from the hospital were I work it's literally round the corner!
it’s probably a quid if even that in petrol, take something of his off the shopping list, job done, money saved. Realistically is he controlling in other areas of your life? This is such a weird thing to get het up about as it’s no money at all really.

Well with regards to the joint account he can moan at me. We both work, I do the finances I.e make sure all the direct debits for bills are paid etc and then separate what spending money we have left after food and petrol is covered.
He can pick at me for things, for example if I go to home bargains for example and spend £30 on fabric conditioner, washing powder, cleaning stuff etc he can get in a huff with me like ffs why hve you spent all that.
I said unless you just want me to wash our clothes with water and clean with water I don't know what you expect.
But he's just changed our car cos he wanted to, bought some new shorts for our holiday, bought some new vests for our holiday but I haven't.
When I said something he jokingly said "I earn more than you"
Really gets on my nerves!

OP posts:
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