Row over which Supermarket?

Dear God. Who would have time for this absolute bullshit?

You can do so much better on your own OP. You sound organised, sensible and aware enough to push back. You just need to push him a bit harder - straight out the door.

How does he know which one you've gone to? Does he ask for the CCTV?

OP reading your messages made me feel like I was with my ex! I too have a teen from a previous relationship (who doesn't see their dad at all and no maintenance money - that ex did a "leave the country" runner) and my ex banned us from shopping at Aldi because the quality wasnt as good as sainsburys(he is a food snob). I was the only one working at the time and constantly skint as I paid for everything for my eldest too as well as him and I. I left him in the end as he became so controlling over everything, not just the money. My therapist was so worried he referred me to a domestic abuse support company.

Once I left him, he started shopping at Lidl 🙃I laugh about it now but at the time it got scary.

This is a red flag OP on so many levels, please tread carefully here and I hope you have money set aside "for a rainy day" that is your money and he can't touch.

tell him to shop himself.

tell him to wash his own clothes.

He is a controlling arsehole.

Why argue with him? when he brings it up just tell him you have had this discussion previously and you arent doing it again and walk away.

Yeah, the 'jokes' about earning more have worn thin, particularly as you're contributing so much unpaid labour, keeping the household running smoothly. I'd start by making that crystal clear.

Assuming you've explained the practical reasons why you prefer one location over the other and how it may actually save you money, he's just being difficult for no real reason. I think I'd institute a 'not talking about this again' policy. If he's that bothered, he can do the shop himself wherever he so chooses.

I've yet to meet the man who is even remotely concerned where the food shopping comes from when someone else is doing it as long as it tastes good!

Flummox him by telling him you've found a local Spar and will be going there and then present him with an array of Hapoy Shopper delights or whatever they sell in ther as an own brand.

The man appears to be obsessive over petty things which usually indicates a diversion as he is too cowardly to bring up the bigger things that are bothering him in the relationship so airs his disappointment by nitpicking.

Watch him closely.

So he’s paying half the cost of your teenager, is that right? Does he mind this? Is that what this is about? Do you get any money from the father of your child? Is he thinking it’s not his problem if you’re skint after you’ve covered costs for you and your child, that you’re making him pay for not-his-child?

Passing no judgment on the man, I’ll never wrap my head around how people this petty and stingy get through life. But it’s just so utterly petty I’m wondering if this is about something else? Your child perhaps, seeing as you’ve brought him/her up in the OP?

So from what you've said, you:
do the food shopping
the cooking
manage the finances
do the family washing
and you both work.

I'd be telling him to stop being such a small minded controlling knob and to pull his finger out and start doing some of these tasks himself.

Does he also conveniently leave you to do most of the household chores too?

You say you don't want more kids - if it was me I'd be saying 'just as well' as this attitude would make my vagina clamp shut and resemble an arid wasteland.

OP, you're paying half the bills but 100% for your child?

Ermmmm. WTAF? Am I the only one seeing that?

I hate joining in on the pile on but on this occasion it's an elbow drop from the top rope moment.

Nope, he's an arsehole.

How about you charge him per minute of your time if you have to fuck around going to multiple shops, plus the mental load time?

You do the sensible (of course!) thing and he's just a twat.

It wouldn't matter if it were Waitrose that isn't what this kind of consistently raised argument is about. Any of us can bicker over something stupid once - consistently is about putting you in your place

He is being an arse and it sounds like you are doing a lot more than the "50%" of the non paid work.

Claiming different rules for his own spending because he earns more is him telling you that you are not a couple from his point of view and that you are not in this together.

What are you getting out of this relationship that makes it worth putting up with someone who behaves like this?

OP, this is really not normal. It sounds like you do everything in the house, shop, life admin etc and he just moans and controls.

Id be getting rid personally or at the very least refusing to shop anymore!

Look up financial and emotional control. You will be amazed at how many ticks you will get on the checklists.

Would he understand if you said you have more choice (more bargains) and it also makes the activity more enjoyable for you so it has a positive effect on your mood.

Perhaps you should shop for a couple of weeks in the small aldi and buy very limited range of food, with lots of gaps as they didn't have that!

It is a bit concerning that he wants to dictate where you go. Is he similar in others areas of life?

I used to live on the boarder of England and Wales and really enjoyed a trip to the big asda which was in another country. My partner appreciated the heads up that we "needed" Welsh milk this week as I would be slightly longer and it became a fun code for I need to get out somewhere different.

Leave him. You deserve so much better than this.

Jeez. Why not shop online and get it delivered?
My DH (before delivery was a thing) would only shop at Waitrose. I usually shopped at Tesco but if he was ever doing it that's where he went. We lived in a very nice part of London but no Waitrose (though there are two now), so he'd have to drive over 20-30 minutes to the next area. Did I care? Not one bit. Did he care that I shopped at Tesco 9/10 times? Not one bit.
You shop where you like, he shops where he likes. End of.

what a stupid thing to argue about...petrol for ten minutes? I mean, unless you are sooo poor that this tiny addition is making any difference, is he OCD or has some other mental health problems? he should be grateful you are doing the very boring grocery shopping. couldn’t live with someone commenting on my whereabouts and how abouts in such a detailed manner (sorry my first language isn’t English, but I hope you know what I mean!).

Yep. He wants you to do as you're told. He doesn't actually care about petrol/supermarket logic.

I think you should drive further away, to get more of a break from him. Or eat out with your child more.

I hope he shares more money now, since he is paid more.

Well done on him for volunteering to do the weekly shop ☺️ ☺️

He sounds like a tit. Tell him that if he can't shut the fuck up then he is perfectly welcome to take over all of the shopping and cooking.

I know my husband and I both see what the other person is spending money on and have opinions but we usually try to keep it to ourselves! Ultimately we know neither of us is being unreasonable and sometimes you have to spend money for convenience or treats.

It sounds like your husband might be resentful of you and your child using "his" money. I'd sit down and talk to him about it. He either wants to share his life and money with you or he doesn't (though nice to know this prior to marriage). And he needs to learn keep it to himself when he has an opinion he's already expressed but which you've chosen not to agree with.