Row over which Supermarket?

....a lot of things that if I said you would think I'm crazy.

Actually, I wouldn't. Because I've been there. It's sort of like the way the sea wears away a rock until it becomes sand. You don't see it happen, you don't feel it happen, but it happens all the same and what you can see is the effect.

And the effect is often that we change our ways to suit them and as a result we lose little bits our who we are. Not because we're frightened of them the way we would be if we had them looming over us saying "Don't you shop there OR ELSE!!". But in the way of "I am so tired of hearing about this so I'll just start shopping at XX so I don't have to hear their shit anymore". And so, in their minds they've 'won', they are now controlling where we shop. Do you see what I mean? Taken each thing individually, it appears to be 'no big deal' and maybe to some people it wouldn't be. They'd just shrug, roll their eyes, and say 'Whatever'. But to other people it has a cumulative effect and we find ourselves 'weighed down' by all those little 'controls' and we don't know why because we can't actually see them because they happened so gradually.

I reached the point of no return. He could never figure out why I ended things.

Does he have an ex who works at the retail park… And he’s worried you’ll accidentally meet her and she’ll reveal a controlling twat he is?

Just seems like there must another reason why he hates that retail park, so strange!

My advice is -and I'm not being flippant - just get rid of him, he's a controlling lazy arsehole.

If for whatever reason you want to stay with him, -just say you went to his preferred Aldi to shut him up and carry on going to the one you want to -how will he know??
He'll find something else to moan about though, mark my words.

Maybe next time don't answer the question.

Have you been to the retail park?

I've been at work

Have you been to the retail park

I've got the food shopping

You've been to the retail park haven't you, why do you go there?

Lovely sunshine today.

Or - get rid of him. What a sad way to live - whinging about roast potatoes versus a child. My goodness.

You work almost full time hours. Unless he’s working 60 hours a week or something, you should do a bit more, not everything.

I really think you need to stand up for yourself and establish clearer boundaries. If he has such an issue with where you shop, he can do it. Don’t just say it, mean it and follow through. Ditto the laundry and cleaning that he expects to be done with air.

None of this is normal, healthy or acceptable. You’re not his skivvy. You’re doing far more than you should and he’s not even appreciative. Stop.

What a tit. Not helpful, but he is.

I would think long and hard about buying together even if you can.

Couples can survive a great deal if they operate as a team/equal partners overall but how do you feel about spending the next 30 years like this with a man who seems to lack basic respect for you or your contributions to the marriage?

That drip drip of things over a long time suggests its worth taking a long hard look at what you want out of the next few decades and is this the relationship to take you through that time or to be endured for that time?

@JessiePink

Honestly, I'd look him straight in the eye and say "I am not going to justify to you where I choose to shop for this family. If you don't like my shopping habits then feel free to take over that particular duty. After all there is no law saying that the wife must do the shopping". Either that or I'd sigh loudly, take a pound out of my purse, dramatically put it in his hand and say "There, feel better? Now shut up about where I shop".

Frankly, he sounds controlling. This may be a situation where he's afraid to 'say too much' because he doesn't know where your limit is, so is making little controlling gestures where he feels safe that you won't say "Enough with you, GTFO", but it's enough to make him feel like 'the big man'. Are there other 'little' areas where he does the same? Maybe you don't fold clothes right, don't load the dishwasher the right way, picked the 'wrong' colour/item, you know, things like that. Taken individually they're small annoyances. Put together, it's control.

This is so perplexing. Is he generally this stupid? This is what I would be asking him. And if he thinks that's disrespectful then ask him what he thinks grilling you about where you go to do the weekly shop is.

Idiot.

We have a Lidl about 5 mins from home , another 15 mins away and a third 20 mins away - we shop at the farthest one , it’s more modern and stock a larger range of the weekly offers - extra £2 or so on petrol doesn’t matter

The thing is, it's not really about which shop. He just wants to control.
So saying, its bigger, there's more choice, bigger car park, the other shops are next door so you are potentially saving money as you don't need to drive to somewhere else too, Its probably saving money in the long run, its easier for YOU.... he won't listen.
Just Grey Rock him.
"Did you go to retail park ?" , you: "Hmmm?"
"It's a waste of petrol" you: very vague "do you think so" or "oh dear"....

You know you don’t have to engage in this, right? You can say ‘I’m not discussing this again’ and just not.

If you can’t do that, because he won’t let you, then all the red flags in this post have correctly signalled that you’re in an abusive relationship.

No it is weird. I mean sometime I tell husband to go to a particular supermarket if he is shopping- as he might only be able to get some random item I have asked for- from there.

But it is the odd nature of telling OP what retail park to go to when they have the same shop. I know its controlling behaviour but really strange thing to control.

Hope you ok OP.

'All the way there'? When you're already practically there? Is he thick?

So he resents your child. Classy. Fucking potatoes ffs because that's the thing he can quantify right in front of his face. What are you going to do about it?

I'd be tempted to tell him you need a break from grocery shopping and give him a list of what you think you'll need for the week. See how he copes with that and the fact there may not be something in reality he really wants/needs.

If not, agree to shop in small Aldi and if they don't sell, go without for 2-3 weeks - see what he's got to say then. Obviously if you're running out of a preferred clothes wash, making sure the last wash or two is all your things, he can go without or have a less preferred brand.

So, you do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry? Why?

And he’s having a go at you about a quid’s worth of petrol and laundry detergent, but updating the car? OP, seriously, how is this even ‘an argument’?

Ditch him. Couldn't be doing with it.

He’s getting pissy as a child is getting more potatoes than him?

id honestly look into leaving op, this won’t get any better with time, he’s getting jealous of how many potatoes a child gets, it’s unbelievable and you deserve better than this weirdo controlling manchild.

Exactly this - you dont like how I shop? Fine you do it