Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask ds to go out more

207 replies

treadingcarefree · 02/09/2024 11:45

Ds 24 is always in and always observing me. If I'm on the phone he'll stand around listening and laughing, commenting on my conversation.

Ds9 has autism and it's been the summer holidays and he can be very hard to manage when he has a meltdown and ds will stand and watch and observe, if he's in the kitchen for example and I'm trying to manage ds he'll pop his head out to watch and observe.
I constantly feel analysed as he stands watching what's going on.
Ds work compressed hours so is home 4 days a week under my feet watching what I do. It's like having a helicopter constantly hovering in the room.
I have asked him if he can go out occasionally instead of spending 4 solid days at home, he's here every evening too but he just says I've got no plans or nowhere to go.
He's driving me nuts being around, I'd like some privacy.
Ds9 is back to school today and I could really do with some time to myself after the 6 weeks holiday to unwind but he's sitting beside me as usual and I don't feel I can even make a phone call to chat with a friend.
It feels so suffocating.

OP posts:
Tophelleborine · 02/09/2024 11:52

In that case, I suggest you get really firm with him. This isn't healthy for him or bearable for you - at his age he should be out living his own life, not hanging round getting under his mum's feet. Also, he should have learnt many years before now that you're also a human being who is entitled to her own space and respect. You might hurt his feelings initially but you'll be doing him a big favour.

Willoo · 02/09/2024 11:51

My DS can be a bit like this. He’s 16 with autism. Are you sure he doesn’t have autism as well?

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 02/09/2024 11:51

Tell him to bugger off! Tell him to go into another room, he doesn't have to be in the same room as you, and if he refuses, ask him why he feels the need to be constantly monitoring what you are doing. He sounds like a real pain in the arse, and maybe it's time for him to be looking for his own place?

However, I dare say there will be loads of people piling in giving him all the excuses of being ND, etc., but assuming that that's not the case as you haven't mentioned it, then just tell him what you need from him.

Wwyd2025 · 02/09/2024 11:50

Are you sure he's neurotypical? That doesn't sound like normal NT behaviour to me.

Mischance · 02/09/2024 11:50

Just tell him what you have said here. Say you find that behaviour irritating.

Original poster
treadingcarefree · 02/09/2024 11:49

Ds24 is neurotypical it's only ds9 who is autistic.

OP posts:
Tophelleborine · 02/09/2024 11:47

Is your 24yo neurotypical? If so, this is a really unusual way for a grown man to behave. Whatever's going on, it sounds like you need to lay down some very firm boundaries.

Swipe left for the next trending thread