No show at party

We’ve had the odd family like this who were flakey with parties. Often it was logistics panic and social awkwardness as well as sometimes just oblivious carelessness. There was one family who forgot a lot, and another who struggled to get the child to places - we would message them in advance and ask if they’d like us to collect X for the party, serving to remind them and give them an out for logistics problems that they were too shy to ask for help with.

It’s not worth saying anything by message now - if you see her in person you could say “hey, we missed x last week” and see what she says.

Yes it's rude behaviour if she was aware of the party and just didn't show, but if someone is really having a hard time then it might have just been one too many thing to keep track of.

If you also see her as a friend (or potential friend) to some extent then I'd send a "sorry not to have seen X at Y's party at the weekend, hope everything is OK with you" message. But if she's really not friend beyond being the mum of your daughter's friend, and not likely to be, then I'd just leave it.

And it's pretty natural between friends to ask

I don't see why your daughter can't ask her daughter why she didn't come.

There's nothing wrong with that. And I wouldn't be telling her to not ask.

You’re taking it far too personally, I would just let it go.

Ok.

Honestly I think you could have found time to look at your phone to find her name to call her and talk to her (if she answered) for a couple of minutes) while looking at some other children.

That would have been the best and right thing to do.

No point doing anything now

Why did they need their swimming things for a bouncy castle party misses point of thread

I would've probably rang or at least messaged on the day, asking if they were coming. Seems too late now.

TBH if your DD has got to 9 before you have encountered the "no show" or "no reply" issue with parties then you are doing well. There always seems to be a small proportion of people who either don't think RSVP applies to them or don't see why they shouldn't just not turn up. No manners.

Yes, the woman was rude but the OP said she knows she’s going through a tough time, the OP doesn’t seem to particularly like the woman, the party was a week ago do it would be petty and rude to call her out on her behaviour. These things happen.

I found over many years of hosting children’s parties that some invitees are a lot more casual when it’s a house party - as in they think it doesn’t matter if they don’t turn up on the day as it’s not a booked paid for event. Not my opinion but my experience.

Ok, I do take your point if they predate the divorce (but the point stands that some people do this because they are struggling for valid reasons, annoying as it is). But the main thing is your DD's relationship with her DD. People don't always have healthy ways of expressing valid needs. I've got a lovely friend, who is a wonderful person, and who does quite a lot of FB 'feeling sad now' type posts. I can look past that because I know she is genuinely a decent person; she's just not got it together enough to manage to ask for help in a less demanding/irritating way.

Perhaps it was Dad's time and mum had passed the information on to him and left it to him to organise so not necessarily her fault.

I would text her and say "I'm really sorry X couldn't come to DD birthday, if you had trouble getting her here I would have happily picked her up so she didn't miss out"

To sort of be supportive but point out you noticed the lack of communication.

She's struggling, probably feeling a bit isolated hence the Facebook hospital messages and reaching out in that way but plenty of women are anxious about birthday parties and the socialising that comes with it if parents were staying although at 9 probs not you only have to be around MN for awhile to see that.

Why didn't you call her once it was obvious she was late?

I’d leave it - it’s bound to cause more hassle than it’s worth.

I posted this on your other thread, so I might as well add it here too.

Just leave it or you're going to come across as far too intense, given that it happened last week.

She was rude, but some people just are and you know not to invite again.

Leave it. Has happened to my DC in the past by flaky parents. Their children were not invited next year. Also started to have wapp group for bdays so I could remind everyone the same day of the party. Since then no no-shows. But just leave it. Some people are rude, just don't invite the girl next time.

Bit of an aggressive reply to OP! If you’re one of only 7 guests to someone’s home and you accept an invitation, to then not turn up and not attempt to excuse your no-show is plain rude!

Leave it.

Leave her to it.

I am not a fan of cryptic FB posts either, but you know she is going through a rough time, so cut her some slack. It could be that some of the neediness of those cryptic posts is because she genuinely can't get much support without, in effect, slightly tear-jerking at friends for it - that does happen. She may be posting like that so that people do message her privately to ask what happened, because she's suddenly gone from having a partner to co-parent with to being on her own, and she's not sure how to get support now.

If you genuinely like the daughter and your DD does too, how about a message saying 'DD missed [name] at her party; let me know if she'd fancy a playdate one day soon?' That way it won't just sound like a guilt trip.

If she's going through divorce, perhaps dad had the friend for the day and deliberately wouldn't let her go, it happens. Either way don't give it any more thought