No show at party

Seriously, just leave it. This happened to us a few times over the years with flaky parents. They won't give a shit and you'll just come across as a neurotic

I wouldn’t send a message but next time you see her say if she doesn’t acknowledge the no show say something like…
We missed DD at the party. Hope everything was ok?

Let it go. The children probably won't even be friends by next year so why bother. Who knows what is going on inside her head at the moment? She doesn't need further reminding as she is probably trying to hold body and soul together for the sake of her child.

I would send a message along the lines of 'hi just wanted to check all is ok as we were expecting you at the party today'. That has the effect of 'calling out' her behaviour but in a subtler way and is sympathetic if something genuinely is going on with her.

This has happened to us in the past. They weren’t invited again. It’s bad enough when it’s a party where you pay an overall cost for a class party, but when you’ve paid £20pp and your DC has chosen a small number of friends then it’s really annoying when they don’t tell you and just don’t turn up, as someone else could have been invited instead.

Yes it’s annoying but it will the first time in a long list of times that people do it when it comes to parties. You only have to search the threads on here to see how many people have issues with party replies, attendances and siblings amongst others! I think you need to just let it go. You’ve already identified that she is having a tough time so is it actually going to make you feel better by calling her out on it? I’ve only hosted one party which I will never repeat as the amount of last minute cancellations we got was heartbreaking for my son who was 6 at the time. And none of them were good excuses, they just couldn’t be bothered to come. But did I do anything about it? No. Because I concentrated on making sure he had the best time and was grateful to the others for coming and making the effort. If people are like that for starters, they aren’t going to be bothered by a message questioning their behaviour.

It is annoying and rude but sending her a message is pointless really. If you know she's going through a bad time then do you really want to kick her while she's down?

Also your DD's party is obviously very important to you and your DD but it's actually not to other people especially if they have a lot going on.

Do it if it makes you feel better OP, but quite honestly I think you'll be wasting your time, as if she's the sort of person who doesn't think to let you know that her child can't come after all, then she's unlikely to be shamed into making an effort in the future.

What kind of person wants to shame someone into doing something? If you want to shame her, OP, I think you need to look at yourself hard in the mirror.

No-shows are to be expected. They always happen. Hot dogs and a bouncy castle in your garden were a big deal for you but not for other people. It was great so many remembered and came, but don't get on your high horse about this one. You've said yourself she has bigger things to deal with at the moment.

Is this a school mum? Was it all girls from the class you invited?

God, just leave it. Do you honestly have nothing better to do or think about?!

Personally I said YABU. Not because not showing up without a quick message isn't rude - it is. More because it's just not something I would fuss about. It didn't cost you anything - your child presumably wasn't devastated.

Many Mums just don't place importance on their children's social life. Odd? Yes. Worth the effort of a statement to try and convert them. Nope.

Just don't invite again.

Yes it's rude. No you shouldn't message. Why on earth would you? She hasn't got a time machine to go back and put it right so is telling her off really that important to you? The priority here are the DC, yours and hers. It's not her child's fault, so why would you want to stir up drama and bad feeling that may spill over and impact the girls' friendship? If I were you, I'd be thinking 'poor kid. Parents divorcing and her mum too distracted or busy to look after her social life'. The minor inconvenience to you and your offence is a strange priority.

The only reason you'd contact her about this is to cause drama. Nothing good will come of it and there's no point. Let it go.

That.

As long as everyone else enjoyed the party, don't worry about it. It's over.

(I once sent my son to a party on the wrong day - the day after! There was nobody there, I assure you my apologises were profuse and I was red faced for several days. Things happen but we get over them.)

There could be allsorts of reasons why friend didn't show but that's none of your business. You could have sent a text reminder and she could have contacted you....works both ways.
Anyway, nothing to be gained from contacting her now or going on about it, the party is over.

Yes its rude not to respond but to be honest if she's not been in touch by now, she probably won't reply to a direct message either. You won't really gain anything by messaging her even if she did reply, especially given you don't seem to like her, so just leave it.

i don't want to add to her grief, however i also think that sending a quick message beforehand isn't too much to ask.

And moving on isn't too much to ask from you. It's just a kid's party. You're going OTT.

I am also surprised.

The main thing I would take from this is not to wait for anyone, be they a latecomer or a no-show. If people get to know you are someone who does things on time, especially at work, then lateness reduces, though not stopping no-shows.

Just leave it. Honestly.

The gain you achieve from sending a message expressing your ire is just nothing compared to what could be a kick in the gut for someone going through a shit time and struggling to keep on top of things.

Yes, maybe she is simply rude and inconsiderate. But she might also be really struggling, and now feeling awful that she missed this party. When you're down, your mistakes feel even worse, so there's a chance she's feeling truly awful about this. A message, no matter how "nicely" worded, about how your daughter missed seeing hers on her birthday, will really stick with this woman if she's struggling right now. She will feel shamed and belittled and guilty.

I just don't think it's worth the risk. Let it go. You have no idea what she's got going on.

Whilst I agree it was plain rude to not turn up I don’t think messaging her now will achieve anything. If people want to treat you disrespectfully then walk away!! Just don’t have anything to do with her going forward.

I would leave it, it's a minor annoyance at the most. It's not your problem that her daughter will be disappointed to have missed the party, that's for her mother to worry about. Just be happy that your daughter had a nice party and move on.

Ok I just think it's odd to tell someone not to ask a pretty normal thing. But ok

You know she fucked up and didn’t bring her child to the party. She knows you know.

You know she’s going through a difficult time.

Pointing out that she fucked up and you don’t appreciate her rudeness isn’t going to improve the situation.