No show at party

Same here
Not coming to the party, even last minute, could be excusable but just not bothering to say anything at any point, even after is hard to justify or excuse. Even if she was in a&e she could have sent a message the day after explaining!

If everyone did the same, op's dd would have had a party with no friends turning up, she would have been absolutely devastated and op would have wasted time and money. That's how things like that happen, with everyone thinking it's only them that won't come and assuming everyone else will, or its "just a minor offence" - yes if only 1 out of 9 don't turn up it might not have a huge effect but if everyone did the same it would become a major issue.

I find people suggesting to let it go with the mother but just not invite the dd to things again a crueler suggestion - so the child gets punished for her mother's rudeness?

I have totally forgotten quite a few kids parties in my time. It happens! It might happen to you! Please don't say anything. The mum might bring it up herself. In the broad scheme of things it's a minor offence, surely? Edited for typos.

I was in the same situation last year with my DDs party, was at a trampoline park and one girl was a no-show. Mum blanked me at the school gate the following week and the girl told my DD she didn't want to go to the party any more so refused on the day. Apparently this has happened a few times in the past at other parties with this girl so guess who's not getting invited this year.

You said yourself she has four kids and is going through a divorce so there's no mystery? You don't know how you would react in her shoes and whether you'd be together enough to send a quick message. Don't invite her child again if it has really bothered you but you already have an explanation, and telling her off in a message really won't help anyone.

Some people are just rude tbh. You will always get some drop-outs due to sickness etc but I find flakey people annoying. We had a pay per head party where two just didn’t come or let me know. I could have had someone else in their space if they weren’t going to make it. They were on the periphery of my daughter’s friendship group anyway so I just never invited them to things again. Don’t follow-up or chase- just let it go.

People don't show at parties all the time, one of those things.

You are weird to want to message her and have a go or be PA.

You cannot control others behaviour and make them reply to messages.

I think you're too invested, chalk it up and move on. You have no idea what she's dealing with. Yes it was rude but what will you gain from messaging her? Just don't invite her again.

Would you not just send a 'sorry we missed you on Saturday, is everything ok?' message before jumping to conclusions?

What are you hoping to achieve with the message, genuine question? Because if it’s just to get across the message (directly or subtly) that she mucked up, that doesn’t make you a particularly nice person. If it’s genuine concern that she’s struggling, then that’s different but I find it odd you’d feel you need to somehow pull her up on it, especially when you know she’s going through some stuff.

Its an invite not a summons.

Kicking someone when you know they are already down and struggling because you self admittedly don't like them says far more about you.

But it was just your opinion to say that the OP is " being ridiculous" and that she is "being childish and needs to grow up"

Both of those statements are nothing to do with "your experience" and were just aggressive, nasty and totally inappropriate.

Whatever issue you're reacting to here, the OP didn't cause it.

Definitely wouldn't message! It's not like you had booked theatre tickets or something where you had literally lost money. It's just in your garden.
Woman is definitely rude, and I wouldn't invite her again, unless your daughter absolutely insists because the girl is her best friend.

Late July and August parties are known for this so actually 1 no-show is pretty good going. You shouldn’t have bothered delaying the start for one child.

Yes this mum was rude but we’ve had more no-shows than this for a late July party. You absolutely should rise above and not mention it, imo.

She's got four kids to juggle and is going through a divorce. Your concern for her DD missing a party is very very low on the scale of things that matter to you, her or her DD. There'll often be a no-show at events and it's not something to get hung up on. The party went well and is in the past now. Draw a line and leave it.

If you have party bags or cake left perhaps you can give it or a slice to your dd to give to her friend and say sorry you couldn't make it to the party in the end. Else her friend may feel really embarrassed for missing it

Personally I’d leave it. If you know she’s having a hard time why kick her when she’s down? Yes it’s not great and not what I’d do/expect but it seems like a trivial thing you’re letting bother you way too much.

What would it achieve? You know already that the mum is rude and odd, and it won’t change the fact that she didn't turn up. I’d just leave it and not invite her again.

It's pretty par for the course. One mum completely forgot DD's party and only realised about a month later! Another little boy never seems to make it when invited. Some people are disorganised and others, like your situation, have a lot going on at home. Don't message her, just leave it.

Nobody knows what people could be going through at any time in their lives. Enquire after her, and her daughter, if you genuinely care how they may be, or otherwise just leave it.

Maybe I was just too relaxed when it came to hosting parties for my three kids, but if it wasn't a timed event, my attitude was always the party starts when the bulk of the kids arrive, and anyone who isn't here isn't here. If it was Build-A-Bear or a trip to the cinema, then yes, I would have and have called parents. A party in house or church hall, nope. At the end of the day, it's more likely to be the absent child missing out rather than mine - unfortunate but true.

I wouldn't bother; people forget stuff. Your daughter's party is way more important to you than it is to her. Whether you like her or not (and you clearly don't), the fact she's going through a divorce and has 4 kids to deal with implies she's not got a huge amount of headspace. Be kind, let it go. What are you going to gain from making her feel bad?

Definitely rude. But I would leave it. This has happened to my daughter before, I just make a note not to invite them again. The same with those that don't rsvp that they can't make it. It's just one of those things I've learnt to accept, not everyone is polite, and not everyone gives a monkeys about your child's party.

this is a good shout.

she's seen your message, if she was going to reply she would have, if she'd missed it by accident you would know that by now. so either she's not feeling in a position to talk to people or she doesn't actually like you or she's being attention seeking. no point contacting her again.

god let it go OP it's not a big deal. It could be rude or she could be struggling - or maybe forgot.

really not worth falling out with local parent over given your kids will be at school together for a while.

Just leave it.

It's not great, and would annoy me if someone did it but shit happens and it's a kids party, it's really not important.