First day of school & DH storms out, says he's moving out!

Leave him move out I can't see what value he is adding to you or your son's life . I guarantee your son's behavior will improve tenfold when is isn't walking in eggshells with his man child father around.

Agree.

At the point at which you have a second adult child you need to 'manage', rather than a partner who makes your life easier, you've really got to start asking yourself, what is the point?

The more I read your post the more I changed my mind.
Your H needs help.
At the moment his shouting achieves nothing except scaring his child and making him more anxious. It’s a cycle that needs to be broken before it damages your child’s self esteem
Would H be open to parenting classes ?
Im not sure what his own childhood was like ?
There are red flags starting to appear.
Your son needs parents who will work together and not undermine each other.
If your H is unwilling to adapt his response to your child , you may need to rethink this relationship.

@Aperolling28 what time does your hubby start pre school??? there is nothing worse than tantrums and upset before school or nursery at any age. upsets the rest of the day. hubby got his knickers in a twist over a box of toys which are easily picked up when you return home! your hubby escalated this whole incident!

I can't see any evidence that OP was making a big deal out of the first day? At my son's school, quite a few parents do the school run together (always makes me a bit jealous as a single parent!)

Having to walk on eggshells around a man who doesn't understand normal child behaviour is horrible - you become a shell of yourself and find yourself policing your child's behaviour to avoid it.

So many people use the word narcissist lightly, but it seems he has an actual diagnosis, and it's one that isn't going to go away. His mental health is not your responsibility. Ultimately you need to protect yourself and your child. You said you're living abroad.. does that have implications if you separate? Sending you love and strength (which you will discover you already have in bucketloads!)

Are you and your DH from the same cultural background?

You will start (or continue) to do everything with dc (putting him to bed, getting up with him etc) on your own to avoid your dp getting in a mood. Then resentment will build which is hard to forget even later if he starts to help abit more when dc is older/easier.

I may be projecting abit here though.

Yes, the amount of 'well what did you expect, you shouldn't undermine him/allow a mess/make a big fuss of the first day of school/intervene with his (shit) parenting on this thread is really alarming! I feel bad for any woman who thinks you need to tiptoe around an angry man.

Your husband will be wrecking your child’s self confidence. In two days their have been 2 incidents where your child has been shouted at, belittled and not treated in an age appropriate way…..what does your husband have to do to make you protect your child?

it isn’t ok to make the household walk on eggshells and blame you both for what he feels. I think separating, at least temporarily is the right thing to do. Then sit and observe the differences in your son

Why wouldn't you want him to leave? Do you honestly think this is a good environment for your little boy to grow up in? You said life is a lot easier when DH isn't around so take control and end this awful relationship for the sake of your child before even more damage is done.

100% this. And an extra 'he's an areshole' in case you miss the first message. Seriously OP, life is too short for this and your poor son doesn't need to grow up walking on eggshells in case he upsets his dad.

It's your son I feel for . He was awake much of the night , your DH shouted at him this morning , he had a timeout , no breakfast and he's starting at a new pre-school .

And ignore the people saying your dh’s reaction was justified because you “undermined” him. That is incel talk.

This behaviour clearly isn’t a one-off.

So it's justifiable to threaten to leave your family because kids make a mess??? Wow. That's a low bar you've set there

Your dh sounds like an aggressive arsehole who uses depression as an excuse to have angry outbursts and piss off for “me time” whenever he feels like it.

Thats the upshot of it, really it is, and it probably won’t get better. It’s up to you to decide whether you want to stay with this man child or not. Can you imagine if YOU had a meltdown and stormed off every time something happened you didn’t like? It just wouldn’t happen would it?

Also look up narcissistic personality disorder (and covert narcissism) as I’m getting narc-y vibes from your dh’s behaviour. They often hate when everything isn’t about them and create a nasty situation to revert attention back to themselves.

What a horrible start for the little lad’s first day at a new pre school.

I think you should have both ignored the overturned toy box (even if just for once) and focused on having breakfast.

This is perceptive. I called your DH a big sulky man baby. But this poster has got to the real, grown up reason behind his behaviour.

I’ve been depressed to the point of suicidal ideation. (Years ago now). But I’ve never had a tantrum in front of my children or made everything about me.

Your DH is a dickhead. I'd gladly let him leave because that's no way to act in front of a child. No wonder he's had previous issues at school it's probably learned behavior from his Dad.

I think he’s an idiot for storming off but don’t undermine him in front of your child, it’s just going to cause problems down the line. Take him aside if you’re not happy how he handles things but it doesn’t sound like he was OTT, kids tipping out a load of toys is very frustrating