To be hurt that MIL won’t attend our wedding?

I would raise it, just once, and say you're upset she and SIL won't be there for your special day.

I don't think YABU for that.

I’m not generally a fan of quoting long(ish) posts, but that one deserves to be read numerous times.

Your MIL was a legend. All kudos to her for that attitude.

Really? That's bizarre.

What would you take a days annual leave for, Oasis gig?

This is what I don't get.

You clearly aren't close if your chin didn't hit the floor when she / they first told you they weren't coming. It is beyond my comprehension as to why both of you didn't just sit there and say "What?".

You really wouldn't take a day's annual leave for your brother's wedding?
That's so weird.

You wouldn’t take a day’s leave to see your brother or sister get married? Wow.

But hasn’t your DH said ‘Why on earth not?’ I mean, why is he afraid to express his bafflement and disappointment? Is his family normally so uncommunicative?

How big is the wedding OP? is it in a church? Bridesmaids etc.....? Or a simple affair?

I don’t understand how you used to be close when she sounds totally self involved. Does she ever show she cares at all? I’d be taking a huuuuge step back. Mother’s Day? That’s for mums who care. You should say we are hurt you don’t want to come to our wedding. There won’t be another one. I don’t know a single person whose mum wouldn’t walk on hot coals to get to their child’s wedding, and no we aren’t coming around for your stubbed toe.

At least you know now where you stand and that you really will never be part of their family.

Even your fiancé has got the message loud and clear.

Bonkers and to the poster who wouldn’t take a day of AL for your db’s wedding, wtaf? With lots of notice?!

Well now you know what to do when your presence is demanded by them......

Me and my MIL were having a good chinwag the other week when she told me all about HER MIL's (GMIL) batshittery.

Apparently a few days before MILs wedding GMIL was round and the conversation went like this:

GMIL: I suppose I'll see you soon
MIL: Well the wedding is on Saturday
GMIL: Oh I'm not going to come
MIL: Oh right
GMIL: Did you hear me?
MIL: You said you're not coming to the wedding?
GMIL: I thought you''d try and persuade me
MIL: Oh well if you've made up your mind it's not up to me is it. Goodbye then.

GMIL did turn up to the wedding. There was lots of other stories but MIL's approach was basically to take no shit, but also not argue about it. Eg GMIL turning up to lunch 2 hours late - sorry on our way out now, no it's after lunch time now I'm not a cafe. Just kept her at arms length.

I think you might think you get on well with the family but people can hide all sorts of feelings behind a friendly facade

Is SIL the golden child and what ever she says goes

This. Their reasoning is ridiculous.

I would get married and have nothing to do with them.

Not wanting to take a days leave for her own brother's wedding? Bloody hell!

Why not? I must have missed the Law that states weddings must be on a weekend 🙄

I would absolutely question their reasoning and explain how it's upsetting to you and DP as you would dearly like them there and that it's left you wondering if either of you have done anything to cause offence. Then, if they still say no, I would leave it at that and distance myself considerably. They must surely realise that they could cause a family rift here.

I went to my son's wedding a year after my husband died - yes it was painful at times but I wouldn't have missed it for the world. My son mentioned him in his speech and my new daughter in law carried a photo of him in her bouquet. If they don't attend I'm afraid I would be cutting or severely limiting contact.
I hope you have a fabulous day 🤞

This doesn't bode well for the future if your DP wants you not to say anything to keep the peace as he sees it.

If his family can't even come to the wedding what's even the point of them . It's so hard to fathom they are missing his big day because of trivial reasons .

Personally I'd go nc. Wouldn't entertain having a relationship with them what a disgrace.

How far would they have to travel? Would they need to stay overnight? Is she worried she'll be on her own? Will she know other people there? But it does sound odd that she doesn't want to be there. I can understand why you're hurt.

I wouldn't give it too much thought tbh, I'd just cut them off.

Leave all contact going forward to your future DH.
Don't expect them to miraculously change when you have kids. They will let you down again and again.

This is so bloody sad. I'd be so upset. I feel terrible for your Dp. Wild horses wouldn't keep me away from any of my children's wedding day and I'd think very badly if I went to a wedding and the grooms family had just decided they weren't going for no reason. I understand the brothers reasoning as my dB had to do the exact same for my ds wedding as it was a week before my dsil was due and they live 2 hours away.

Well I think it’s odd to just accept it for months then raise it 2 weeks before.
And I think it’s your boyfriend’s role to raise it anyway.

Was your boyfriend’s brother’s baby’s due date already known when you set a date? Trying to guess if you signalled that family attendance didn’t matter to you if you knowingly clashed with that?