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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be hurt that MIL won’t attend our wedding?

241 replies

CheeseSnacker · 01/09/2024 22:34

I am/was close to DP’s mum. DP and I are getting married in two weeks. Of course we invited STB MIL and DPs sister and brother. None of them are coming,

DP’s sister said she didn’t want to use up a days annual leave (she’s known about our wedding for months) and MIL is just not going because SIL is not going. When DP said she should still come, MIL then declared it would be too upsetting for her (FIL died six years ago and didn’t live to see any of his DC marry).

BIL’s wife is expecting a baby imminently and he lives far out, so his reasoning I can understand.

I rarely talk about our wedding but when I did briefly mention something over dinner one evening, it was clear MIL wasn’t interested and she changed the subject.

It also smarts that when we announced our engagement, not one of DH’s siblings, or MIL so much as congratulated him. Yet if MIL stumps her toe, we’re expected to be by her bedside.

DH will have none of his family at our wedding. I have seen MIL in a new light and I am growing resentful of her. I couldn’t imagine not attending my future DC wedding. I’m quite hurt.

AIBU or is her reasoning valid?

OP posts:
Fiftyfiveandcounting · 01/09/2024 22:46

Well I’d be more than disappointed @CheeseSnacker and I don’t think I’d be rushing to stay in touch with any of them tbh. If that’s the whole story then it’s extremely odd behaviour and inexcusable other than the brother with the baby due any time.

Mistycactus · 01/09/2024 22:45

That’s really weird! Have they been to any other weddings in the time you’ve known them ?

Dotto · 01/09/2024 22:45

Good riddance then. I'd distance myself if I was you two.

StormingNorman · 01/09/2024 22:44

What a bunch of twats. I really feel for your DP. Does he still want the wedding or would he rather elope? I imagine the shine’s been taken off the day now.

Testina · 01/09/2024 22:43

CheeseSnacker · 01/09/2024 22:43

DP has never raised the issue of no acknowledgement with them. Nothing about the ceremony is unusual or upsetting.

Is he going to say anything now?
It’s odd that he hasn’t already!

Original poster
CheeseSnacker · 01/09/2024 22:43

DP has never raised the issue of no acknowledgement with them. Nothing about the ceremony is unusual or upsetting.

OP posts:
legalseagull · 01/09/2024 22:42

I'd be telling them outright that it's unbelievable that he'll have no family at the wedding and that they should remember that they couldn't be bothered the come next time they expect a visit / help / interest in their lives. Arseholes.

Imperrysmum · 01/09/2024 22:41

Viviennemary · 01/09/2024 22:38

It's mean of them not to come. Just don't bother with them in future. Be polite when you meet and that's it.

This but personally I wouldn’t even be polite. Id be getting into my villain era

Testina · 01/09/2024 22:40

Did your boyfriend never talk to his mother about the lack of congratulations?

Is there anything about the wedding itself that they might disapprove of - even if wrongly? Like you’re doing it in full sub aqua gear under water… I mean, obviously not - but is there any reason they wouldn’t like the ceremony you’ve chosen?

IndigoIsMyFavouriteColour · 01/09/2024 22:40

It's very disappointing but don't let them ruin your special day

Imperrysmum · 01/09/2024 22:40

Your MIL is batshit and so is the sister.

Original poster
CheeseSnacker · 01/09/2024 22:40

We’ve been together for eight years and we’ve always got on. Occasional minor disagreements but nothing that wasn’t sorted out promptly. I do think she just doesn’t want to come.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 01/09/2024 22:38

It's mean of them not to come. Just don't bother with them in future. Be polite when you meet and that's it.

ForBetterForWorseOrNot · 01/09/2024 22:37

Personally I would say that fil will be there in spirit and that your sure if he was alive today he would be attending. Surely he would be hurt if she does not attend on his behalf.

FuzzyDiva · 01/09/2024 22:37

YANBU.

I know you say you get on with her but does she actually like you and approve of your marriage?

TheClawDecides · 01/09/2024 22:36

It's weird if you get on with her.

How long have you been together?