To be hurt that MIL won’t attend our wedding?

For your own brothers wedding? Unless you don’t get on then you’re as crazy as they are!

I agree. I don’t think OP has even mentioned having children @Maddy70

I think you might have posted on the wrong thread. Your reply bears little relation to the facts in the OP's posts and you even made something up completely - where does "Even your children are being rude to her.." come from? Not the OP, that's for sure!

It doesn’t make any sense to me, unless there’s more going on? Is she well…mentally and physically?

why wouldn’t she want to see her son get married? It’s a big deal. It’s not like you’re inviting her to a meal in a restaurant that she may not want to go to?

DUBUEM ...
"Just to add, all those posting along the lines of,' six years of grieving, 'get over it', do not have a clue"

I think you'll see that at no point did I say "get over it" .... what I said was that the bereavement wasn't new, and that I am aware that it takes people different times to grieve.... didn't you read that part ??? ... BUT..... it HAS been 6 years, and regardless of anyone's opinion, that's a matter of fact !!! .... 6 lots of birthdays, 6 Christmases. Are you saying she won't have celebrated any of those in 6 years?? Never gone out for lunch ?? Never gone anywhere with a friend ?? Will she have nothing to do with the soon to arrive grandchild because her husband isn't here to see it ?? Also, the bereavement issue wasn't the MIL's first reason for refusing to go.... it was because the SIL wasnt going !!!

And for your information..... I do "HAVE A CLUE" about bereavement. And NO bereavement would ever keep me from my son's wedding, regardless of timescale !!!!!

From reading someone else's post, have you excluded your future SIL's long-term partner? Is that why she won't come? And is that why your MIL is following her decision, out of loyalty?

That’s upsetting. They’ve shown you how much effort (none!!) they’re prepared to make for guys, so place them on the same pecking order. I now expend the same effort on my father that he expends on us. It helps me feel less upset if that makes sense.

Hope you have a fabulous wedding!!

Had a MIL like this and we fell out on holiday, essentially the straw that broke the camels back - she wielded so much power over her darling 'adult' child that we filed for divorce on our return.

I feel like we’re only getting half a story here. Was the invitation formal? Weird to just say they’re not coming because of work etc. Sounds you’re not really very close!

Um because it’s the groom’s MOTHER and his SISTER. Only one of whom appears to work and no info about not being able to take leave, just that she doesn’t want to. It doesn’t say the MIL works, she may well be retired and her reason is even more dubious and unrelated to taking annual leave.

I do know that in some jobs you just can’t take leave such as in teaching but it’s framed as in SIL doesn’t want to, not that she can’t. Most normal people wouldn’t hesitate to take leave for the wedding of an immediate family member such as a sibling, parent or child. Come on now.

As for why it’s a weekday wedding, I’d imagine for cost reasons.

I’m assuming your wedding is on a weekday? If that is the case then your guests ability to attend clearly isn’t your priority, so not sure you why you are now complaining about it.

She's just not that in to you/ DH

Stop trying with her. If she can't give you one day for a major life event, she doesn't deserve your energy. Ditto for SiL.

Only do what suits you and will genuinely bring you pleasure.

DH sounds used to this dynamic and has quietly retreated. It's a decent survival strategy. His expectations are low, and there's little energy wasted.

I had a close relative kick off two days before my wedding (different issues and triggers to this) but I put their choices back in their own court. I accepted their decisions, and didn't try to talk them round but emphisied each time "ok, that's your choice". It wasn't the desired response and in the end they did re-evaluate the relationship and adjust their behaviour and they did decide that it wasn't worth writing off the relationship over.

Don't send any photos/ albums to people that didn't go without decent reason.

It's hard that this has happened before the wedding, but better now than if/ when children enter the equation. You know to have zero expectations of her. Don't believe any promises, it's action that counts. She clearly plays at favourites anyway, and often this gets more evident when golden child has their own children. They can also treat grandchild siblings differently.

If a relationship continues after this, keep it polite with little emotion invested. Keep expectations low. Expect declines to invitations and flakiness. Only invite to things that can proceed happily around their flakiness and uninterest.

For your brother's wedding? How awful.

She said about future children so I don't think they have any yet, she never said the kids are being rude. Yes she might be grieving but so will her son and I'm sure on this day he'll be missing his dad more than normal, he should have his family there and they just sound a very selfish bunch of people. If my partner passed, I would be greatful I got to spend the day at the wedding, watching my child get married, I'd be there to represent both of us. Mil sounds super selfish... she could have a lovely family around her and support and she just wants to make it about her

Sounds like SiL is jealous of your relationship with MiL and resents you for being the 'first' bride. MiL probably would love to come but is overwhelmed without her husband by her side and her daughter could be manipulating MiL with a guilt trip narrative.
Go and enjoy your wedding. Keep the wedding album, but have a couple of photos framed for MiL. You can be magnanimous enough to do that.
Just to add, all those posting along the lines of,' six years of grieving, 'get over it', do not have a clue.

She doesn't approve of you, you're stealing her precious baby boy 🙄.

I got married last Friday, my MIL wasn't keen on the idea and made a few comments but was always meant to be coming. However the day before rang my DH saying she couldn't come as she was poorly. So she didn't, his younger brother also used the same reason for not coming, so my SIL and BIL came. We had a great day without them, my DH was abit upset but said as long as me and our Dds were there he wasn't bothered by anyone else. It's your day, focus on that! They are the ones missing out, not you

Sadly some people are like this, I believe they are bitter and twisted and use people as scapegoats to take their anger out on. You are right, they likely do talk behind your back and are not as nice as you think, but it’s about them really not you, people like that will always find an issue with others, they actually probably don’t much like themselves deep down. As you mentioned you’re trusting and I’ve also fallen for people because of this. Believe in yourself more, try to avoid people pleasing and making too much effort, do not put them on a pedestal. Perhaps you could say outright when you see them it’s a shame they don’t feel able to attend their son’s / brother’s wedding to support him on his special day, and that at least all your family will be there. Invite some of his friends or wider family and don’t be hurt by them. They are simply strange selfish people who think more about themselves. The SIL is guaranteed to be jealous and the MIL is enabling it.

I'm not surprised you are hurt by this OP. No excuse for the SIL, I can't imagine not taking a day's leave for the wedding of a close family member.

However, perhaps your MIL is now feeling a little anxious and vulnerable at the thought of being unsupported at the first big milestone event without FIL at her side. PP have said 'Oh he died six years ago, she's not freshly grieving..' wtf??! Six years is not long at all.. due to Covid the past five years seems to have just flown by in a blur (for me and most people I speak to anyway!) and as I said above, getting by day-to-day after a bereavement is very different to dealing with a big occasion. Weddings can be emotional at the best of times, perhaps MIL is worried this will be too much for her and will spoil the day for you. If you've had a good relationship with her up until now, this sounds more likely than her suddenly turning into a 'narcissist' (covert or otherwise!) I think she could have been more honest about her reasoning, but she probably didn't want to look as though she was making a fuss / being weak / making it all about her, whilst ironically doing just that.

I think SIL is the 'villain' here. She should be attending, if for no other reason than to be a support for MIL.
Failing that, does MIL have a sibling/close friend she could bring as a sort of plus one? It may help her feel less of the odd one out among your family and have the added bonus of taking some worry off you and DH on the day!

What the What now?! Is that even for this op? What Children? Even Your children are being rude to her so she wont even be with them. She is feeling very vulnerable and. You all could be handling this better
And 'handle better' what? Cancel their wedding to suit drama llamas?

We didn't invite mil to our wedding.. Dh explained explicitly why she wasn't welcome. Had a fab day. And you will too op

They all sound like narcissists apart from BIL who perhaps has a genuine reason. Being nice then doing that is not nice or normal. Are there wider family members that know about this. What do they think. Sounds like some seriously bad family dynamics and maybe time to cut ties.

Sounds to me like they didn't think you were that serious about each other. They were pleasant before when you were just a girlfriend but maybe now you are getting married their true feelings are showing.

Could dp invite some friends? It all sounds so weird. People never fail to amaze me.

How does your DP feel about it - it’s his family after all? Why is he not taking issue / pushing the point with his family?