Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

That’s why I said “maybe some”. Obviously it’s not all lifestyle. But it’s not all luck either. Obviously.

@FirstTimeHomeowner fair enough.

My lovely neighbour retired and, as a paying hobby, joined a blogging circle. (No idea whether it did actually pay.) All the bloggers posted "living the dream" blogs.

I would read her blogs and think I wished I lived where she lived. Except that I did live where she lived, right next door.

She posted about her love of gardening (genuine) and include photos of her wonderful garden. Except that she didn't ever post a photo of her whole garden, which often looked as damp and windswept and weedy as mine, just close ups of individual flowers. So she didn't need her whole garden to look good, she just had to have enough individual flowers scattered around to photograph.

I remember once when it was cold, grey and had been pissing rain non stop for three days. She posted "There's nothing better on a chilly day than a bowl of home made soup." And she posted a photo of her soup - red tomato soup, in a green bowl, with a crusty roll on a side plate, a curl of butter, and a nicely folded napkin.

I realised I'd had soup for my lunch too, but I hadn't colour co-ordinated my soup with the bowl, or bothered setting the table.

That was the difference between her "living the dream" and my bleak "when-will-it-stop-raining" mood. She'd colour co-ordinated her soup with her bowl, just to get a nice photo for her blog. I'm sure she didn't normally fanny around with her soup.

That's the secret, I think - spot the good details, like the day your daughter's hair looks good, photograph that, and imply that it's representative of your whole life.

This exactly I'm afraid, DH was hands on from the beginning, I could go out without baby exactly as and when I felt ready, an our or two from 6 weeks, a brief meal out at 12 weeks and first overnight away at 9 months.

We both earn well so out source the cleaning and occasionally diy type jobs. I went for 3 nights to Amalfi coast when baby was 2 with my mum and sister and Dh just got on with it no fuss.

So in short.

Both have good jobs and get stuck in, outsource some chores.

@Shakenandstirredup Good question! She hates it and is very much in denial about being sick (apparently her agreeing to be in a wheelchair for days out is to 'help my anxiety' and not bc she gets dizzy after a few steps) so won't have her photo taken in it. We often take selfies though, so if you randomly followed my Insta you'd probably think I have LOADS of family help and my mum comes on plenty of days out with us!

Sorry, but ‘over the teats’ really made me laugh when talking about having kids!

I’m guessing he wasn’t useless when she married him 🙄

@Wantitalltogoaway what do you mean by Maybe some, but it also depends on whether you prioritise it

There’s no maybe about it, lots of illnesses are genetic, cancer can happen to the healthiest person, environmental factors and stress also has an impact and are hard to limit.

There seems to be a growing narrative that eating well etc will stop a lot of illnesses. It’s one reason healthy younger people often don’t go to the doctor because they think it can’t happen to me. Of course it’s good to be healthy but naive to think it means you can’t get ill.

30 hours.

They are older now, but I didn’t have ‘help’ with chores etc. Just a teen to babysit sometimes for a night out or I would do stuff on the weekend they were at their dad’s (single parent). It was always a mad scramble to get ready in ten minutes once I’d got DC ready for bed!

I didn’t have that much money but I budgeted carefully.

Look,don’t marry a useless feckless man and then complain oh woe is I
kinda self explanatory

SM is a total con really. If I was on Instagram (which I’m not due to cynicism) I’d look like I had it set - amazing car, house, highly academic children, gorgeous holidays etc etc blah.
I do have a wonderful wonderful DH who I tell daily.

However, my kids are Young Carers, I appear to be collecting auto immune diseases, some days I can’t function due to the pain, know the Paramedics and a&e drs by name at my local hospital and regularly have to get iv morphine and then get Ubers home at 3am. I even had a consultant write on my latest notes that I’d had a 10/10 pain episode on my latest visit last week. That was sobering.
The illusion of a perfect life is just that, an illusion.
However, very extreme pain and illness has taught me that every single thing has a positive to it. If you try to find that in every day, everything becomes so much happier.

Perhaps you should have married into the Royal Family & become a useless blood-sucker.

Not at all.

i knew someone who is who you described - her husband does everything for her, she has a cleaner and her parents do tons

quite sad really these fake instagram lives! don't believe everything you read on social media! They only show the good bits!

My family were poor as church mice. But the times I remember were times spent walking in the park with my mum, and other times cooking with her. And you sound like you are making memories too.

I would fall into that category but I don't post anything on Instagram or Facebook. I don't like the culture of showing off or only showing the best sorts of your life.

I was very picky when choosing my husband and he's a good egg.

He's really hands on with the kids.

I only work 18 hours per week and we have a cleaner (small children at home and we have a pretty large house).

My mother in law is a total cow but will happily babysit for us to go out every so often and travel too.

The downside to this lifestyle is my husband works ALOT in a stressful and very senior position so despite being hands on he's not always around.

A lot of health is luck.

Maybe some, but it also depends on whether you prioritise it. I eat healthily, make sure I don’t get overweight, exercise, don’t smoke, don’t drink much alcohol, look after my gut health etc.

I think it all matters.

Also, having a untidy house or not going for glam nights or ‘slobbing around in joggers’ are not moral failings. The people who ‘have their shit together’ aren’t better people than you.

Sheesh.
Way to stick the boot in...

Some women really do have their shit together. It doesn't mean they're better than you.

We all have our strong points. Theirs just happen to be the sort of strong points that make it to Instagram.

Try not to compare.

Shrug off any pressure you may feel to do activities with your children that result in more work for you. Never attempt baking with anyone under the age of 10 for starters.

Before you say anything, I know I probs shouldn't use Instagram like this, but the comments about being such a great mum are also a coping mechanism

Thats incredibly honest @FirstTimeHomeowner

Can I ask why you wouldn’t include a photo of your mum at the zoo though?

Do you beleive everything on the internet?

I just have my shit together. My kids slept because they had a good routine, I disciplined them so they didn’t run riot, they do chores etc. I look after my own health and well-being.

One of mine is still a shit sleeper and pretty stubborn despite all my efforts. A lot of health is luck.

I definitely have time to do fun/glam things and don’t slob around in joggers.

I do both and sometimes just slob about in glam clothes!

I have always had a shower and washed my hair every day. When they were babies they screamed in a moses basket / bouncy chair in the bathroom. I don't dry and style it though, I go to work with it wet every day. So that's not very Instagram ready.

I also got lucky with pretty chilled out toddlers who could be trusted to watch tv or potter around in their room for 10 minutes at a time without killing themselves. That helps a lot.

Yep think it’s all about support. Can be your partner, family, friends, outsourcing of tasks and paying someone to do them or a combination of the above.
I had nights out from when eldest was about 2-3 months and my parents babysat or if I was with friends she was with my husband.
I have lovely hair because of blind luck. It’s poker straight, long, thick & a nice colour. I just brush it wet and leave it to dry and it looks shiny and healthy and bouncy. I don’t do make up. I work full time in a professional job and have also travelled regularly with work to some far flung and exotic sounding locations from kids being tiny, which was doable due to my husband being able to flex at work, my parents helping and being able to pay for additional wrap around. We go abroad and for weekends away regularly and even have the odd weekend as a couple while my parents look after the kids. We can afford it as we each earn individually around the average U.K. household income for a family of 4. My eldest daughter generally looks a bit scruffy as her preferred clothes are joggers and hoodies. My youngest generally looks super smart & has my hair so it looks good whether we have bothered with a fancy up do or not. I’m sure when people see me out with just her it makes me look like I have it all much more together than when they see me with her big sister.
My husband is a true partner and we share the load. Our relationship is definitely not perfect & sometimes he’s been quite unwell with depression but we turn up for each other and that makes a massive difference vs someone who leaves you to it. I don’t have oasis tickets but yes we could have bought them. I spend a lot on seeing live performances but at the theatre & when we want to see a band live we just buy the tickets.
Many of my friends are similar. What we have in common is having above average household income, living in a relatively cheap area & family support. We also all help each other out a lot to keep on top of all the kids stuff.
I wonder though if you mean people who seem like they never have a hair out of place or an untidy room and just seem 100% put together all the time? That’s less common and those who I know well who seem that way generally also have their moments where it’s all a bit of a mess. They are super organised though and it’s impressive how well they manage to juggle everything