Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

I Guess I fit the bill kind of. I’m not big on social media, but I’m most likely to post a pic when having a night out, away with my husband, my kid’s hair is looking less wild etc. it doesn’t mean it’s fake - it’s just not my whole life. I definitely don’t fake anything for socials though!

the secret is… part time work, outsourcing cleaning/ laundry/ironing/ DIY etc, supportive husband, some family support (we don't have loads but we have enough to have meals out/ night away now and then).

but really… when I cook with a 2 year old it’s messssy, she’s a handful, I spend a lot of time cleaning up after her. I have to tell my husband I’m going for a shower or the day will pass and I’ve not done it, I don’t wear make up daily, my hair is naturally nice (in the sense that I don’t have to make an effort, wash and go! No dye, straightening, drying needed)…

I went out once youngest was in a breastfeeding routine - so down at 8pm up at midnight. Just to cinema or whatever, dh did his share. Went on foreign holidays, did have a cleaner on and off/ didn’t work til youngest was in Reception (did a bit of freelance/volunteering before then).
Had some grandparent support Ie, babysitting occasionally.
Never declared live for spouse on SM - my friends would think I’d lost the plot - were just not like that, none of my friends would do that!

You set your bar very low. I’d divorce a chocolate guard pretty fast, if he said he couldn’t or wouldn’t change.

A lot of people do have it easier but im always skeptical of anyone who posts it all over social media. Even when things are easier, no life is perfect.

The chocolate teapot you had children with is the answer to why your life is so different.

Sorry but I just don’t believe that a nice DH = a) a mask that hasn’t slipped yet or b) hidden addiction or gambling. Perhaps people who view men in this way are more likely to end up with one like that, like some type of self-fulfilling prophecy. Or maybe we just exist in different social circles.

No, if you acquiesce and carry all responsibilities whilst making light of it you are at fault too
Raise your bar, do not marry the chocolate fireguard. Demand better don’t let the feckless fucker away with it. Don’t be the mummy martyr internalising that parenting and domestic chores are women work. Sets a terrible example to your kids, internalises and replicate a dysfunctional gender role that their kids potentially repeat

It is misogynistic. It also shows a lack of empathy and over confidence in your own decision making abilities.

Some people do choose partners because they are dependable and good with kids, but it will be just one of many factors. Also, can you really tell how your partner is likely to behave for the next 59 years? people are far more complicated than that.

This essentially.

There's no way to say it without sounding like a smug cunt but I just wouldn't have had children unless I was sure my dp would have been an equal partner in absolutely every sense.

But I would absolutely have been perfectly happy never having kids and growing old alone. I understand if you don't or if you really do have that biological body clock (I never did) that's easier said than done.

There's a huge difference b/w having 2/3 kids in your late 20s and early 30s and one kid in your mid 30s, which is what I did. We have a lot of disposable income from 15 years of climbing the career ladder and saving rather than taking lots of maternity leave. I could have afforded oasis tickets if I had wanted them without blinking an eye

Obs there are downsides too -I am fucking knackered compared to a 24 year old mum and if my ds has children at the same age or older than I did I won't have much, if any time with them.

its like mumsnet bingo on here…an OP has a shit husband and along come the ‘why did you choose this man?’ Questions.

so smug. So naive. It basically means the poster has either been very lucky and a) her DH has remained as nice as he was before marriage or b) the mask hasn’t slipped yet and hasn’t found out about his gambling/porn addiction/ affair yet.

I’ll answer the question though- shit men don’t advertise the fact they are shit before marriage. Not all men have nephews which give their partner a chance to see how they interact with kids ( but this is also meaningless anyway).

It’s not misogynistic to say that choosing to marry a shit man is her fault. There are many shit men out there and we are not responsible for them, but we are responsible for choosing to marry one of them.

They take hours setting up those shoots and it probably takes them a hundred takes to get the one where the child didn't pour in half a bag of sugar and then throw an egg at the wall.

You have no idea what state their credit card account is in.

And they post every single thing they do on SM and make it look like it was amazing.

DH is a massive Oasis fan but we didn't even try for tickets because, let's face it, it's not rock n roll, it's a corporate money grab, and no-one is paying £350 a ticket to stand in the rain crushed up against a load of sweaty gammons because they love the music. It's just to be able to say they went.

I have some "acquaintances" (they are my friends long time friends) they all have parental support - one bought a house with a separate attached flat for her parents who do most of the childcare.

We do go on holiday but make sure they have children's clubs as that 2 hours 3 times a week is the only downtime we get for the majority of the year!

I laughed my head off when one of them said to me oh I couldn't go on a family holiday and abandon my child.....no you just take your parents with you and leave them with them instead!

@Whippetlovely

We use a 'travel counsellor' - it's simply the name of the company like 'Lunn Poly'! Ie 'Travel Counsellors'!

You’re Guessing? Well he’s useless now and in here and now has not amended his behaviour
Her dp is feckless and she’s the martyr wife

You’re Guessing? Well he’s useless now and in now has amended his behaviour
Her dp is feckless and she’s the martyr wife

Also these mums are probably not the mums of disregulated or disabled children. I literally couldn’t do any of those things or my family would disintegrate pretty much immediately.

@Wantitalltogoaway well no it’s not a maybe that all illness and disease is caused by what you eat/how much you exercise.,.

Well then he could easily go back to not being useless now that he has kids and a wife who needs him, don’t you think that sounds fair enough for everyone? If not, why not?

Some pp have nailed it. At the heart of it, kids value time together, doing quite simple things with their family. They don’t care about how tidy the house is, how mum’s hair looks or how many followers they have on their SM. A big part of me despairs at the need to document life through a partial lens. My advice is to not follow any account that makes you question your own worth as a parent and person.

Travel counsellor!! I've heard it all now

I look at friends and am in awe of how sorted and how they have their shit in order. They do amazing things with their kids (lovely days out and activities etc). But then, talking to them, they say the same about me (which makes me laugh, as I don't feel like I always have my shit together!). Some are wealthy (and have the means to do amazing things or pay for outsourcing a lot of the crap), others are not (but still do amazing things etc). Some are single and some are in amazing relationships. A couple of them do the SM posts about all the things they do and have (lots of hashtags with "blessed", "live/love/laugh" etc) but hey, if that makes them happy, then why not. I used to beat myself up about how much better they were as parents etc, but then their situations are different from mine.

I don't post on SM much at all, but if you saw me from outside, you might think I had my shit together. Most of the time, I'm winging it, trying to be organised and juggling a lot of plates.

I reckon: try not to compare yourself (I know, easier said than done). I'm a single parent of 2 DC, working FT as a nurse, living in a rented place. My DP are dead and I don't really have any family nearby who can help. XH is no help. I just try my best to make sure the basics get done and then anything more is a bonus. I'm just happy that I can afford to support myself and my DC...and that I'm not in a shitty relationship. And I'm very grateful that DC and I are healthy and safe. It's only because the DC are older that I am finally starting to look after my own health/wellbeing (so going to gym).

I agree, I have a couple of friends who post like they have a perfect marriage ones oh had another mental health breakdown she had to work two jobs as he couldn't work for several weeks she was exhausted and on bring of divorce but looking at social media you would think it was harmony. I tell this to my kids social media is fake, people only want to post the good things and want to keep up with the Jones. Op your life is probably very normal give your self break and stay off social media!

34 hours a week is almost full time (36 in most places). I worked 15 hours and later, 18 hours week when my child was little. It was quite enough. Later I went full time but he was at big school then.

How you are feeling is how most of us feel, op. It doesn't last forever, things will get easier I promise you.

I can't work out if you managed to get Oasis tickets or not, I hope you did; my son is going, I don't know which concert, here in London or in Manchester. He's in America at the moment, spoke to me today and I asked him. He and some friends saw Noel Gallagher a few weeks ago at Warwick Castle, and they all enjoyed it.

Actually I'm not the mum you speak of cause I never post on social media lol but o suppose if you were my mate you might think of it that way. But you'd also probably have seen my tears going back to work when baby was 13 months. It's worked out in the long run but was a rough transition