Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

Agree!

A combination of - having a useful husband, family support, super energetic / need little sleep, more money, more organised. Or they’re a nervous wreck teetering on the brink of a breakdown.

Ah OP, if I thought about this seriously enough to write a Mumsnet post about it, even a half lighthearted one, I reckon I’d knock the Instagram on the head. I have done and life is so much better - and productive! - for it.

And remember nobody is gonna put a pic of their toddler watching Ms Rachel on Instagram - or their massive pile of ironing. Even those #realistic day in the life ones are massively staged and selective.

Not the point of your thread I know and a side note and a thread in itself but I personally don’t think there’s anything aspirational about putting your kids’ faces on social media platforms in the way Mum influencers do. But each to their own! Their kids, their choices.

It’s lovely that you are all so close. It sounds like a proper team.

Just to add. I did get oasis tickets too, albeit for my brother as I can only name wonderwall.

I guess I'm one of those mums tbh. Minus the social media posts. I don't use fb or insta atall.

The 'secret' is I have incredible parents who live on the same road as me and adore having my kids.

I know how lucky I am, and tell them so regularly!

It's high energy people tbh. I'm not one of them. 🤣

You can have all the money and support in the world but if you are low energy you won't be arsed to do hair and makeup every single day and then clean the house followed by wrangling toddlers and babies on a big day out and then get home, put them to bed and head out with friends.

My SIL is very high energy. She gets up 5.30am everyday without fail. She only needs 5-6 hours sleep to be fully recharged. Then she's like a whippet until 11pm. Her house is immaculate. She works 2 days. She goes to the gym or running daily. She'd have made a green smoothie, gone for a run and sorted the laundry before her tiny kids have even woken up.
She has tones of mates she'll see most days with her kids or after their in bed.

Her Instagram is just full of her constantly on the move doing things. Her life looks fantastic and it honestly is. But she doesn't stop!

She exhausts me just watching her, lovely as she is!

Me on the other hand would rather stay on bed till the final alarm goes off and is sprawled out on the sofa scrolling my phone with netflix once the kids are asleep 🤣

Lots of women with spare dosh will gave lovely stuff, clothes and hair.
Women that are good with kids will do easily do fun stuff with kids.
Eomen that enjoyed travel or their jobs will still want to travel and do their jobs.

So yeah of course. There will be a few that overlap and and many more that prioritise one thing over another.

The whole point of posting " look at my lovely life" is to only show you that.

I don’t document my ‘perfect’ life on Instagram but I do have a very nice life which I document on Instagram. Just for my own amusement really. But the fact I photograph it and post it on social media doesn’t mean it’s fake! It’s all real.

I don’t post the harder parts of my life because I’m private about those. So maybe looking in, my life looks ‘perfect’ when it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean it’s not pretty amazing a lot of the time.

DD at school with a friend whose mum had a very successful business and had written a few books. Online she’d had a hugely successful time and was perma-glossy and tanned and made-up with shots of all the family grinning happily.
In reality she’d just got divorced, business had hit a rocky patch, she was dressed in baggy old stuff and looked pale and sad. Do NOT believe all you see in Insta - in fact believe about 5%. The other 95 is smoke and mirrors.

More money + image for instagram, because it’s essentially their job to project this image.

We go on holidays and are out and about a lot with and without DC. I guess I'm usually dressed up.

I don't work part-time or rely on my wealthy husband. I don't do SM declarations of love but I do them IRL.

My DH is great. I'm very hardworking and run my own business. We only have one DC who has always been an easy and contented child.

We are very lucky. But we had incredibly hard times. I never forget to count my blessings.

I would say its swings and roundabouts.

We have no family support but that makes us a very tight family unit. My DH does a lot and we work as a team which our friends comment on.

I love the idea of a date night but it's a very rare thing indeed for us (DS1 gets upset with the idea of babysitter and its not fair to have him in a state so we can have a night off which we wouldn't enjoy knowing he's in a state) so we find time where we can and arrange lunch dates instead (which means we get nice restaurants cheaper too!)

Instagram isn’t real but in real life there are women who are just more organised and put together.

My sister’s Insta looks just like this! She’s stunning. She has a 3yo DS and the three of them are such a good looking family! She works 4 days a week. She has a big group of friends and is always out doing things - they go on weekends away and nice days out as a family all the time or get together with a big group of friends and my sis goes for a night out with her friends once a month. She’s also done a couple of girls weekends away since having her DS.

On Insta her life looks so glamorous. There are a few things going on here:

1. Before having children she was one of those people who hated staying in, always had to be on the go with bags of energy and stamina.
2. She’s lucky that’s she’s naturally slim and attractive with minimal effort so it doesn’t take her long to get ready at all.
3. Her DH is fairly hands on.
4. They have disposable income to go on nice trips and do nice things. Her local area is also very pretty so lovely Insta pics even when just staying locally.
5. Despite all this she’s exhausted, stressed and having counselling but of course she doesn’t post those bits on insta. It isn’t that she’s “faking” it as PP have said. Her way of de-stressing is going out and doing nice things and that’s what she posts photos of. However her DS often wakes up 5am, has tantrums etc and she’s exhausted from it but of course she isn’t going to post photos of those moments! She doesn’t have any family support around and is finding it really tough.

Not everyone has the resources to live that lifestyle but ever people who do only post their best bits online and it doesn’t tell the full story.

It makes me sad to hear how so many of you have little to no family support - there are so few children in our family now that there are arguments over who gets the privilege of minding them. I wish you all lived near me - I’d love to help out

But I love "over the teats" and will adopt if from now on where (in)appropriate 😂

Agree with this. I waited 13 years with partner before I had a baby with him.. didn’t get married until 8 years in. Would not have had a baby without being married. I don’t work in a paid role currently so don’t quite fit your projection but I would say that I’ve had people say to me ‘how lucky I am’ - when actually, I waited and planned and waited and planned for a very long time to try and be in a secure situation and make the early years of child rearing as easy/secure as possible! Maybe for some it just falls into their lap but I reckon most people who have their shit together in lives with young children are meticulous planners and perfectionists.

34 hours a week is full time. With a 2 year old ? From memory that is the hardest time.

You’re doing great

Honestly though, a lot pick them knowing exactly what they are like, and they just ignored the red flags.

I'm a stepmum and know a lot of stepmums who despaired of their partner's terrible parenting of his children and then had more kids with him and were shocked that he continued to be a terrible parent.

I think we need to be more blunt with women BEFORE they lock themselves down with useless men that you're not going to change him. If he didn't do any chores before you had a baby it will be worse after. If he has no respect for you in the engagement stage, marriage won't fix it.

There are always signs. Unless they go from being totally equal partners to doing literally nothing the second the ring is on, there are signs. Can't do the laundry. No good at cooking. Won't pick up their dirty clothes. Never clean the bathroom.

My DH just cleaned the bathroom, of his own accord, a week after we moved in and then continued to do it without me mentioning it or giving him a medal or anything. He just got the vacuum out and still does.

You look for the flags, and only stay with the green ones.

Yes, some people do choose partners who are dependable and good with kids. Those women are unlikely to end up with chocolate fireguards!

Maybe others prefer the “bad boy”. Sexy in your 20s but useless when it comes to family life.

And no, I can’t say how my partner would behave for the next 59 years. But I had a good idea how he would behave for the next 5 years after I married him and started a family with him. His faults were all predictable from the get go and I was happy to accept them. If he does change and turns into a dick I will divorce him.

How accurate really are photos on insta? Filters are automatic on even basic old phones and AI seems to be an essential tool. Imagine a cloud of icing sugar might look like fairy snow creating a magical memory. The best memories often evolve from a mishap.

Lots of help and support behind the scenes. It's 5 min from their daily life

Nights out and make up aside (didn't do that pre baby) I'm one of those mum's.

From what I can gather when I look at some of my friends, I have a good partner in my husband. He loves being daddy, spends a lot of time with her, gives me the time I need.

And I work part time, in a job I spent years working towards to have the flexibility and salary I needed to be able to work part time and still afford nice things.

I love the flour everywhere part of baking. Their joy as they see it forming clouds is why you do it. Other than warm fairy cakes....

Also no oasis tickets. But I didn't try in fairness.

Your mistake was choosing a husband who's as useless as a chocolate fireguard. There will have been signs.