Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

Regarding the women who are smug about having a very hands-on partner, I know several women in this situation and one thing I’ve noticed is that when the husband goes away they are completely scuppered.

They’re the ones who moan about being on their own ‘for a WHOLE week’ with the kids, how are they even managing etc. Honestly, they go to pieces.

Not many mums I know put the bins out, mow the lawn, fix things, could sort out a flooding dishwasher etc. and look after the kids. They could barely cope if their DH left them. Supportive husband is all very well until he buggers off with another woman.

Social media isn't real like many others have stated. But supportive family helps and supportive partner! I think those are key. And of course money helps too , I don't have the money but I have the supportive family (well mainly my partners mum and sister) and partner is always happy for me to go and have a sun bed or get hair done or have a night out too x

Why bake with a 2 year old

I give up! 😂

I was a single parent for years. I earned decent money but after a mortgage and professional childcare (no family), I was worse off than friends on benefits! So I never had fancy holidays to post on insta (plus it wasn't really a thing back then), but my house was tidy, I showered daily and I did baking with the kids etc.

Most of it is just down to ruthless organisation and time-management skills. However, the baking is always a mess and near disaster. Any parent who claims their child baked perfect cookies is lying. The fun is not in eating the end product, it's the joy of doing it together and getting in a mess.

You're doing fine.

Smug and naive is spot on.

Blaming women for their husband’s behaviour is such a boring MN trope.

Yes, exactly. But it’s not fair to blame women for marrying ‘shit men’. No one deliberately marries a shit man.

Bluntly, they earn more than you, they didn’t pick a useless dickhead to have children with, they may have a cleaner.

This! 👏👏

Ha! Full house! Now the thinly veiled jibes about class.

so you’re too posh and well educated to be in a relationship that is very different from the one you entered 5/10/20 years ago?

In my social circles ( which are largely human) people change. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

Your answer is classic victim blaming- trying to soothe yourself that ‘it’ can’t happen to you because you’d never do anything so stupid. When in fact it could.

Some life events are down to bad decisions, some due to circumstances and others are simply dumb luck.

That's a bit unfair. My DP changed massively once DC came along. He just couldn't cope and eventually had a huge mental breakdown. There were no red flags, if there were I obviously would not have married him! 🙄

I remember having a class after my DC was born, our babies were all about 4 weeks old and understandably the mothers were all overwhelmed and exhausted (we were in lockdown so all on our own). The mum/teachers tip was to always carry lipstick in your car so you can look nice. I remember us all messaging each other afterwards and laughing about it. We were hoping about some practical advice about looking after our babies! 😅

There's no way to say it without sounding like a smug cunt but I just wouldn't have had children unless I was sure my dp would have been an equal partner in absolutely every sense.

Except life happens & experiences can change people so you can never be sure.

It probably makes me sound like a dick but I never struggled to wash my hair and do my make up.

Both my Mum and MIL babysit so we can have nights out and we save to have an annual abroad holiday plus some camping and caravan trips.

Kids hair always looks good at the start of the day and I guess for photos but no guarantee it stays like that!

I don't think I'm faking anything tbh.

My friend sent me a clip of an instamum looking glamorous with her two kids, I actually lolled and thought it was a piss take, but it was 'real'. I was actually gobsmacked that someone made it, let alone follow that!

I know one. Free childcare from her parents and his family members. Child not allowed to have the amazing experiences you've described, not allowed to get dirty. Nursery is for 'doing stuff', home is not.
I'd prefer your life.

Not putting up with a useless partner would be a start.

I think so much of it comes down to extended family support. My DH is hands on and pulls his weight, domestic workload generally an even split but we have little practical support outside our little family unit which means nights out etc forget it, also means high nursery fees while we both work. My mum helped a lot with our eldest but no longer can due to health issues, now that we have two DC and no extra pairs of hands to help out it really is much much harder to do all the things you listed in your OP as less time, money, energy...

The perfect mum over the road from me was in an abusive marriage and her Husband left her for a younger version when her DC were teens.

Then there is the mum who married well and who outsources everything. She even got her baby sitter to make cakes for a school bake sale. She goes on retreat multiple times a year to recover from not looking after her own children.

And the Insta making memories mums who scream like fishwives at their DC across the school playground.

Honestly, give me a scruffy mum any day of the week. One who turns up for football practice on a wet Wednesday and stays after school events to help with cleaning up. They're my people.

‘Only 34hrs a week’ that’s full time, doing that alongside raising a toddler is hard work.

Comparison is the thief of joy. Very few people share the hard bits on social media, it’s a highlight reel so you can show off. Gushing about how much you love your partner on social media gives me the ick, it’s as if they have to put these posts up to convince themselves.

Also people have different priorities, I don’t have a massive house (mortgage) or fancy new car (on finance) but I do prioritise holidays and experiences (Oasis isn’t my jam but would go to equivalent concert). People might see holiday pics on my social media and wonder why we go on so many, but equally I don’t post photos of new house/ renovations or cars.

Simply, when other people are reading their books or watching tv they’re cleaning a section of their house, setting up a camera and recording content until it looks perfect. Sounds exhausting to me!!!

Never done the hair or make-up thing couldn't think of anything worse than posting pictures or video on social media but I went out sometimes from the time my baby was little because my husband and I both did

I wouldn't have had a child with someone who didn't act like an adult

No idea if what people put on social media is real of fake but people put on what they chose to do and as I don't parents by what they do nor compare myself to it as that would be weird I just focus on me

Good point, no one is exempt from what has happened to this lady. Hope things get better 4 her. Life isn't about gloss and glamour for people all the time, despite some people promoting it to be

Brilliant, that makes all the difference!

Right - so apparently I’ve been harsh and a bitch with my comment. Apologies OP. Not meant to offend you Op. Let me try this again;

I have a husband who helps a lot, pull himself weight more than 50% of the time. Whilst we don’t have any family help, ( family very far away) - he more than covers this. It is because of this, that we are able to do all the stuff you say you can’t. When I bake with one child, he has the other, when he tidies the house - I have the kids or we are out for the dog etc. I work and travel quite a bit - and he picks up all the slack with my travelling/ extra hours I have to do etc. My insta is also not ‘fake’ - a lot of my insta are just pictures of the kids - for the my family overseas who don’t get to see them grow up. Nothing fake about it - just because I don’t post them arguing or fighting (which they do all the time) it doesn’t make my insta fake.

No - I didn’t get Oasis ticket - I was over 8 HOURS. 😫 .

Hope that’s better and I’m not a bitch now.