Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

Yeah we work it out, of course we do. We adore our grandson and he's such a blessing to us.

Ur saying I went off on a tangent with an unrelated answer. Well ur comment took for granted that one would discuss children and division of duties before marriage. My point was that life isn't always straightforward...my point was we have ended up with a child even though it was not foreseen. So why would we have discussed it before marriage? It wasn't relevant to us at that time. Lots of peoples lives are not straightforward and to speak down on people is narrow minded/ cold/ unhelpful.

Just because you were "sensible enough to have that conversation" makes you sound very proud of yourself. Others for many other valid reasons may not have had that conversation.

My point is be respectful to other people.

This is me too! So similar. I work 30 hours a week though. And I did get Oasis tickets which cost me £700 and I'm dying about that part

You’ve gone off at a tangent and given an unrelated answer
However, now the wee one is here do you discuss stuff like chores and who does what?

Well in my case we were both older and never planned on having kids. He was 48 and I was 43. No great desire for kids etc.
Then DSD couldn't cope with one of her kids and we have pretty much adopted him from aged one.

So yeah...hope that answers ur question😜

Why? Why don’t you think of how chores, parenting tasks are allocated before getting married This stuff is important dynamics in a relationship and being a family

we had the big talk to make sure we were on same page

Both work FT✅
Baby/kids in nursery FT✅
career important to both, I wasn’t stepping down or giving up work or going PT ✅
No shared monies other than bills,utilities,nursery✅
No default position of I do childcare responsibilities when we had children✅

This so called stuff really matters of how hands on is he, really matters

I visited the home of someone I only knew via social media .
She isn’t at work ( fair enough she has 2 kids , large property and large garden ) but I then found out kids are away at school all week plus she has a gardener , housekeeper , window cleaner , handyman ….

Ok. So we'll do all the housework, all the child rearing. Husbands can just do nothing so we aren't depending on them.

Best not let grandparents help out either, right? Because one day they may go on holiday, or get too frail or die and then how would we cope?

While we're at it, let's make sure we don't make any useful arrangements with mum friends to do some pick ups each while we work. Might get too dependent.

Your way sounds exhausting. I think I'll continue to expect my DH to pull his weight. If he has to go away for a week I'll manage. Same as he would.

In my opinion it has to be more than one. So family support and lots of money or family support and decent oh etc many i imagine have all three or so much money they outsource everything.

I have a decent partner but no family support either side or money so I'm still just trying to survive everyday it all feels very impossible. I don't have that kind of social media as that wouldn't help me at all. Having a decent partner does make a world of difference though. If they aren't making life easier it's easier without them.

Are you suggesting that if your husband pulls his weight, you can't be in love? I'd suggest that if he doesn't pull his weight, the love is unrequited. Love is action, not words.

In real life, you don't just meet someone and fall in love at first sight. You embark on a relationship and fall in love over time. If you start a relationship, realise early on that your partner is not doing his fair share and will not be a good father or husband and choose to continue that relationship despite the red flags, then, sorry to say, but you don't deserve any sympathy, and that's the point that's been made on this thread.

Having someone who does half the chores and half the childcare is not "golden handcuffs", what a bizarre thing to say. Why have anything nice or helpful? It might end. Everyone knows that single parents, as a general rule, have less disposable income and less spare time because they are having to do everything by themselves because there is no-one else. The vast majority of people would rather not be a single parent because it's not really sustainable or enjoyable to carry the entire mental, physical and financial load of raising children alone.

If you have a husband but are still doing everything by yourself then you're a mug and he doesn't love you.

Money, social media and support I guess.

Fuck you social media for making me want a £300 odd wallpaper I saw on insta 😂

What makes you think that someone who devotes themselves to being a good father and husband would do an about-face and run off with another woman?

😬

I got married because I fell in love, not because I wanted someone to do half the chores.

My point is that I know women who would leave their husbands in a heartbeat but they’re trapped by the golden handcuffs of a good income and someone who does half the chores and half the childcare as well as all the ‘undesirable’ jobs around the house.

I wouldn’t want to be that dependent on a man.

I have a friend who posts making memories and all the lovely things they do on social media. It looks lovely. But it’s not real life

She doesn’t post the crap of her husband overspending and getting them in debt, or her daughters mental health problems, the fact they are somewhat bankrolled by family, her perimenopause issues and so on….

Its a snap shot, those perfect mums will have short times too just not shared

I’m not on social media so idk… I’m too busy to be on social media. Perhaps you would find more time for you if you weren’t ?

That might be true, but the way u said it wasn't very kind. Sometimes when u get married u don't think about stuff like 'how hands on they will be with kids'.

I got oasis tickets, great hair and nails, nights out and a well paid job that I love. My house is a shit tip, though. And I’m not happy ALL the time. Thats just life.

you do know that insta and all the social media rubbish is not real don't you! all these photos and posts of perfect lives, its all rubbish..

I really feel it for you here. Are you your mums carer? Could she get PIP and maybe outsource some stuff ?

I don’t mean to be rude… but… to have been able to go to yoga 🧘‍♀️ or on nights out, you must have had either a ex who took the kids to allow you to get out, or some sort of childcare (perhaps a parent, sister or friend)

I think thats why we have time to do things, because we don't have Instagram account 🤣

This. The pressure must be awful.

Your a normal mum
I call Facebook Fakebook
i don’t believe half the rubbish people write and don’t want to know where they are what they’re doing and who they’re with.
I love my time with my family and I’m happy to share with them and friends.
Don’t need to tell others
Enjoy your family ❤️

😂😂

You literally see what people want you to see on insta!

Behind the camera, the house is mess, the perfect hair and make up have taken ages to do, filters added to the picture/reels and it's taken hours of editing to make it look fantastic!

If it makes you feel like crap, literally don't look because comparison is truly the theft of joy.