Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

Wow some of these comments are awful! Why the bitchiness? I wonder if you're this unkind in real life or just when hiding behind a screen!

OP, the difference is support -whether this be from a partner or family. The temperament of your little one is a factor too. I coped will first time round, not so well second time! Hang in there, it doesn't last forever.

They’re not all faking it. What a silly thing to say. And I bet they’d be quite baffled by your pity.

My dc are overnight at one of the gps tonight until Tuesday for example so it does free up time.

It probably feels that way but you’ll be doing a great job. I’ve never even attempted baking with my kids!

Dont compare yourself to others. My SIL literally stages pictures for social media, it’s not real life. Its cringeworthy to me but it makes her happy and she enjoys it- each to their own.

Perhaps speak with your husband- work out what he could do to help you more around the house to enable nights out and showers?

Holidays etc: that’s just due to finances.

If it makes you feel better @sunshinewithrain, I have a hands on DH, lots of family support, only work p/t, do get to go out/holiday with DH alone often, dc all in primary but I’m generally a mess as I’m always rushing somewhere! I do have good hair courtesy of my hairdresser and genetics but I leave it to dry naturally, dont style it. House is normally a bit messy unless the cleaner has been & there’s always a list of stuff I need to do. Instead I’m wasting time on MNs!

Judging from speaking to 2 families who appeared to have great lives but the DH’s had severe mental health and depression issues and then both committed suicide, I’d say you’re wrong! One mum of these families was cattily referred to as Amanda of Motherland and was avoided.

Lots of families including my DB and his in-laws don’t say much at all and keep it quiet. You’re hardly going to announce 2 miscarriages after restarting ivf because covid meant they couldn’t do it during Covid.

People look at me and think I have my shit together, I did but then I had an “episode”.

I only realised a cousin of my SIL bought her own place (actress so word can be sporadic and was thinking about other work options), well her DPs sold their lovely riverside house and downsized to help her out.

I find it's a mixture of non useless partner and more money. The mums I know that are like this tend to have high earning husbands who are hands on, they work PT and outsource everything they can from cleaning to gardening and everything inbetween.

Fwiw, I only know a few mums like this. The rest of us are struggling on in our own way.

I do find getting rid of the useless husband helps enormously. You will instantly have more time for self care at the very least.

I had no problems keeping on top of everything. I showered, hair and makeup done everyday. I had an easy baby who was quite content to sit and watch me get ready, clean or cook. I have a DH who is very hands on.

Yep, good partner and family support. I have the former. I’m not the type to get glammed up or have nights out (and if I did, they wouldn’t be on social media) but he would’ve absolutely supported me to do so had I wanted.
I don’t have the latter. Even with a great husband, I see how much easier life is for my Mum friends who have their Mums around.

*years not teats ..

I’ve three much older children and over the teats I’ve realised a lot of it is family support; it makes an enormous difference to everything . We literally have zero , absolutely not a second in 14 years and the difference between those that do is huge.
Also some people simply have more money
pretty much all of my friends , I’d say 90 percent have had some kind of financial help or physical help with children . To have none at all makes a huge difference . We are doing well all on our own but it’s make us exhausted and overwhelmed a lot in all honesty..

I'm one of the mums you speak of.

In a nutshell, I have a supportive, hands on husband who does 50% of the childcare, leaving me time to do my hair, put make up on, exercise, go on nights out etc.

I put off having a child until I was sure I’d met someone who would be hands on (he was really hands on with his niece and nephews)

Oh I also have a supportive mum who babysits once a month for us so we can go out. And I only work part time, 24 hours a week which also helps.

Basically , a lot of factors and I appreciate it wouldn’t be this way if it wasn’t for my husband and mum.

I didn’t get Oasis tickets though!

They are faking it. Probably not all of it but bloody great chunk of it.

I promise I don't mean that in a disrespectful or sneery way. I genuinely feel sorry for these women (and I don't mean that in a patronising way!) and I think the whole "insta-perfect" thing is terrible for women, both the fakers and the viewers of the fake.

Bluntly, they earn more than you, they didn’t pick a useless dickhead to have children with, they may have a cleaner.

There nothing very mysterious about it, just different circumstances. The “not having children with a useless man” is probably the biggest element tbh: your description would fit several women I know, and having a decent partner who picks up his share of everything is key.

Comparison is the thief of joy. You’re doing fine and I’d say you’re a great mother xx

Heaps of family support or they're faking it