Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

I have a cleaner, a very supportive husband, spare cash and I still look like something that climbed out of a bin. Tbf I’m pretty happy with my lot. People prioritise different things and some people have more resources than others (willing babysitters is a massive one, we don’t have any and we are knackered all the time).

The problem is, most (not all) women want kids etc, so given the genuinely (not just words) 50% hands on men are in short supply some women are going to end up having children with men who turn out to be chocolate fireguards at best.

This plus money

I totally agree. I am FAR from an insta-perfect mum but I have a very supportive and actively involved DH so I have plenty of time to go on nights out, do my makeup, go to the gym etc. You get a lot of comments on here about partners being useless and I don't think it should be normalised. Leave your DC with him and go out with your friends!

🙄

Some of this was me.
Nights out- yes. As did dh. Just rarely together.
Makeup- yes. But quick.
Hair done at hairdresser- yes.
Exercise- once a week when they were little. Dh took over.
Useful dh- yes.
Outside help- no.
Wages- it was over 10 years ago and I have always been the higher earner (teacher). So family holiday every year.
I both hate routine and need routine, so although dc were ebf, I did build a routine around them so I was always able to shower/ feed myself.
No lovey dovey sm posts though.

Oh gosh, I wasn't pointing and laughing at you, 5128gap- I was quoting the 'teats' poster then deleted the quote😬

Expect more from your partner

Fucking hell a bit harsh 😂

People who document their 'perfect lives' on Instagram are hardly every okay. They're doing it to convince themselves as much as anyone else

😄☝️

I never put it on SM but I was the mum with the nights out, nice hair, clothes etc and my DC were perfectly turned out. I was on top of everything. The secret? My amazing mum, who helped me with everything. She was a second mum to my DC and enhanced our lives in every possible way. I lost her in my 30s, but she gave me a lifetime of support until then. My DCs dad was a bit rubbish though.

The useless partner comes up again and again on here. It’s not acceptable - why stay with someone like this? Were there no red flags before you had children? Honestly if all women upped their expectations then men would just have to meet them or stay single forever.

Fact is that people post very glamorous examples of family life on social media, not the nitty gritty that reflects alot of peoples lives. People never post the negatives. Brilliant for those who have massive support but most people I know haven't/didn't. Life for me when my child was little similar to yours OP .
BTW, I don't do social media, causes too many problems
Take care OP

You won't be the only one in your position, and don't forget that what you see online are snapshots of other people's lives - not the whole story. For instance, the 'lovely hair and make up' might get messed up two seconds after the picture is taken!

Ultimately some people have more money than others and can afford things like help in the house, Oasis tickets and so on - but for everyone better off than you, there will be someone else who is worse off.

The well-worn phrase 'comparison is the thief of joy' applies here.

And if your partner really is useless - do you want to stay with him? You have choices.

SM isn't real life though.
The pictures I put on FB are of me having nights out. With my hair and make up done. I have nights out as I'm a single parent so kids go to their dads every other weekend. My hair and make up are shit on a day to day basis.
I have holidays abroad because I save up all year and take the kids away, and go on weekends away with my friends. I sacrifice things to do this.
I don't have an other half that I profess my undying love for.
But I do have Oasis tickets, because I got a pre sale code and paid £75 for my ticket. Up in the gods but I'm going.
Life is pretty good judging by my SM.
It's not all roses in reality though.
Comparison is the thief of joy.

my kids are now teens, but when they were little I was able to shower and do my hair (don't wear make-up) and did lots of cooking and craft activities with my kids. Didn't do nights out, did do family holidays abroad.
But I have a very supportive partner and was a SAHM, and had free use of a holiday house.

You simply can't have everything. Anyone who looks as if they do is not being 100% honest. They have a cleaner, or they don't work or they have more money or something.

I vividly remember having coffee with a friend. She was an ex nanny and loved little kids, but was struggling hugely being at home with her 2 under aged 4 kids. She was lamenting all her friends posting lovely craft things with their kids and she wasn't managing to do anything, just surviving and getting them fed. She sat and cried on my shoulder about how hard being a mum was. 24 hours later she spent 20 minutes doing a nice craft with her kids and then put it on facebook. So then her FB feed looked exactly like the very parents she had been crying about 24 hours earlier, and she didn't see the connection.

I'm one of the mums you speak of

In a nutshell, I have a supportive, hands on husband who does 50% of the childcare, leaving me time to do my hair, put make up on, exercise, go on nights out etc.

Yes, me too. This isnt me being "smug" or in any way thinking I am better than anyone else btw, it's just the truth. My DH is a great dad and does easily 50% or more of the household stuff and childcare. I was very, very careful about not getting pregnant to any of the idiots I dated prior to him because I had a gut feeling it wouldnt turn out well long term. It was the right decision.

Social media is 100% fake!!

However, saying that - other posters are correct that the mums who have it the easiest either have family support (good DPs, family grandparent help etc) and or money (cleaners, nannies, housekeepers, babysitters etc)

my partner is as much use as a chocolate fire guard

There you go. Don’t pick a chocolate fire guard for partner. Why did you, honest question?

Supportive husbands, time and money to spend and knowing your angles.. in reality there are several times we all text each other how bloody awful things are, but you don't post that on insta!

Lmao what a bitchy comment 😂

OP - it’s having the extra support, maybe more money for things like a cleaner, working PT if able. it is tough though, I don’t have any of these things and my husband works shifts, so while he’s great when he is home, his shift work impacts a lot so I feel like you sometimes.

They are faking it, since my divorce a few seemingly happily married, posting how much they love their spouse on Facebook types have told me they they wish they could get divorced too. I’ve actually been shocked by the amount of people who have have confided this in me since my own divorce.

I still see them posting the lovey post on sm though so I can only assume everything else they post is a lie as well!

I know someone like this, her instagram looks perfect and her life looks like a dream come true on there but if you get to know her in real life,it’s just an act. She lives on nervous energy and is an extremely anxious person with low self esteem who barely sleeps and is cleaning her beautiful home and taking insta photos at 3am with perfect make up to distract herself and prove herself to others.

But it sounds exhausting, particularly documenting it all on social media. I’ve known quite a few friends whom lived their lives like this all of them had similar problems to everyone else, health issues, money issues and worse however they’ve kept up this online persona for who I have no idea, sounds exhausting.