Who are these mums???? (Jokes but slightly serious)

Your post is amusing and well written and I am assuming somewhat lighthearted but I feel driven to say at the heart of it is the lack of a supportive partner.

I have never posted photos on SM so you would not have seen curated pictures of my family, but when mine were small our life would have been observed by onlookers as fairly put together and functional and happy. I was not faking it. The key to it all was that my DH was a fully engaged father and a supportive partner (still is). The chocolate fire guard comment really stood out for me in your post. It’s that, if it’s not just a joke, that is holding you back.

Not your life , not your business

I get this from one of my friends. The reality is that I have a supportive husband/hands on dad and she does not. But she's snarky with me a lot about how I "wouldn't understand because her life is clearly harder than mine".

Whether that's because she has more kids or I am "lucky" to have the "better" job (her words, because I get paid more and have flexibility, although she has never actually attempted to do more than entry level, we went to the same school, college and uni).

Some people just think that if you are managing to get through without looking like you're falling apart at the seams, you're smug about it. Whatever you do or say.

Sorry but you did come across a bit smug 🤣
I am only jealous

@Topshrunk

Was there any need for the snark?

At no point have I said I'm perfect...far from it. I'm just pointing out to whoever said it's all fake that it's not.

As I said, I have adhd so I have to work extra hard to be organised and have my shit together.

Some people just manage to spin plates better than others.
having more disposable income helps, as does having a partner that’s a team player.
but mostly it’s priorities. Some people prioritise differently, is the aesthetic important enough to you or do you prefer spending your energy elsewhere?
plus don’t forget it’s a highlight reel. My social media looks like I’m nailing life, as does my life outside the house… but last nights dinner was half a loaf of Soreen and I fell asleep in the bath

Well we can’t all
be perfect I’m afraid. I am glad you manage perfection though good on you I say

Oh and to add we have zero family support due to distance, no cleaner or hired help.

We just share chores, and keep ourselves as organised as possible (I have diagnosed adhd so it doesn't come naturally to me, and I have to work at it).

I have my shit together and not faking it.

My hair, makeup and nails always look good because I get up and do it.

I've got four kids. One home educated, and I run a small business.

I have a husband who pulls his weight and we get on well.

My house isn't insta perfect but it's clean and tidy all the time.

I'm also a keen photographer so regularly upload nice pics to insta.

My kids are well behaved (save a bit of usual low level bickering).

My kids go to school looking smart and tidy with hair looking groomed - not that they come out looking that way.

We don't go on fancy holidays but lots of lovely photos at the seaside where we live.

Not saying some aren't faking it, but some people do live calm and nice lifestyles, even with children.

I used to wonder this when I had my first as I looked like I had been dragged through a hedge half the time. Since having my second I no longer care, if I make it to school on time that’s enough for me 🤣

Spot on

Totally agree, some of my friends had an enormous amount of input/ support from their extended families when their kids were young and others had little or none for a variety of reasons.
I sometimes think that some of those with a lot of support take it for granted ( not all)

Spot on

I would never be financially dependent on a man. I raised my child as a single mother and worked for everything we had or needed, I had my fingers burnt along time ago and that has influenced my feelings. That said, I do know happy couples who are financially dependent and it works for them.
I admit that my view can be considered cynical by some but it works for me

Brilliant advice

Glad all worked out well for you and your daughter

I’m an older woman had my only child at 40. Split with husband when she was 6 little support from him financially or emotionally for her. Took a year off with her not wealthy just saved so I could. Did lots of things together you never get the time back. Yes I worked run a house cleaned shopped etc. school runs extra curricular stuff hobbies she enjoyed. I gave up holidays new cars etc to do this. Parents were retired but mum made it clear she wouldn’t become a babysitter as they had their own life. I always looked smart but that’s just me house was usually tidy. There’s more to life than a perfect house or being perfectly groomed. Daughter is now 25 just finishing a Masters agree. I helped support through Uni & she works part time. until she finishes her degree. Her dad offered her no support at all Yes I was envious of friends who had parents that helped at every opportunity I struggled but got on with it. We are best of friends.

I hear you. I have 6 kids, youngest is now 13 and the older girls in their own homes with their own kids. It was hard at times. You are doing right to try and make time with your little one it goes very fast and the little things you do don't have to cost loads. I also had a partner the same, I got rid of him and life improved hugely (NOT saying you should at all btw). There's a lot of 'why did you get with him?' here, what they fail to realise is, he probably didn't hold up a sign saying 'useless git who won't help out' when you were first together. Situations and people change along the way, not always for the better.
Hold your head up and be proud that you are working hard for you and your little one! Also, do not be taken in by everything you see on social media, a huge proportion of it is fake and created for effect. I think you would do better to avoid it as much as possible, you will feel better without being made to feel like you should compare. Theres a reason why regulation is needed for it, so many young girls are sick because they buy into the unrealistic body and life expectations they see. Just focus on yourself :)

There's a lot of 'why did you get with him?' here, he probably didn't hold up a sign saying 'useless git who won't help out' when they were first together. Situations and people change along the way, not always for the better.

Well we used the
P (Plan)
R (Routine)
O (Organise)
D (Delegate)
method, but this was a long time ago, aeons before mobile phones and internet and all the clutter that seems to surround young families these days.
I had also read something about choosing whether to have mornings or evenings. As I am a morning person, I decided that I would rather have my evenings "free", so children were fed, bathed, read to and in bed by 19:00 latest, preferably 18:30.
Obviously their routines adapted as they grew older.
I seem to remember doing a lot of meal planning and batch cooking until the children were able to help.
After a certain age, games and toys were always tidied up and put away in their allotted spaces before bed or when they were finished with, before anything else was started.
Writing that makes life sound very rigid and strict, but it wasn't at all because we started as we meant to go on and led by example. This meant things like good manners and good table manners were fairly easy to enforce/encourage.
Meals were always in the dining-room at the table and conversation was encouraged - important social skill!
But I definitely wasn't/wouldn't have been taking photos or filming everything and putting it in the public domain, which is why I think many people are so paranoid and anxious these days.

I'm also pretty restricted with who can see what. It's literally just for family and close friends. If I have people on it because I know they'll cause drama if we aren't friends (CBA with the drama, honestly), they are set so they can't see most of what I post.

If I didn't have the restrictions as tight as I do, I wouldn't post anything of DD. It's literally a low effort way of sharing with my important people. Which means that if I forget to move the mess (or in a recent photo I posted, the Macdonald's nugget box from the boot of the car on our way to holiday!) it doesn't matter because people that see it know it's just real life and are just happy to see our family photos.

DH posts next to nothing. He only has FB, not even Instagram (I rarely post there either). Neither of us would care if it disappeared.

Editing to add: one of my friends stages in a totally different way. You can see all the mess etc, but she adds a long caption about what an amazing time they've had, how fantastic a dad her husband is, basically showing they're the perfect, albeit messy, family. But in private messages to me, she's telling me how there's been mega meltdowns, she's cried on the way home, her husband is sulking because he didn't want to go, or he's been at work 24/7 and been no help etc. Even the "real" looking posters are likely faking too.

That’s one version of only seeing the best on social media, and what I’d think is the normal, healthy one. I used to do this too until my daughter banned me from posting any photos of her as she doesn’t want a social media presence. So now I don’t post photos at all.

The extreme is staging. I saw an instagram post by this woman in LA who was explaining how extreme it can be. Mansions hired for £90 an hour (use of the front and a room inside), Lamborghinis for £200 an hour, clothing, shoes, bags all rented by the hour … People purchasing luxury item shopping bags to pretend they have purchased luxury items for photographs to post. This influencer shows all this because she wants the masses of people without all these things to understand that they are not poor or failing in life. It is such an eye opener.

That’s the extreme, but normal people stage in other little ways. For example, would you take a photo with the tidy living room behind your kids, instead of a messy kitchen with plates piled up in the sink? I really don’t think you are so different to other Mums. People just put their best foot forward (or completely fake it! 😂).

I’m sure a lot of it must be fake? I mean if I think about it I only post nice smiley pictures of my baby on instagram and don’t mention the meltdowns, arguments with husband or the fact I only wash my hair once a week :)
and like others have said perhaps a lot of family support?
I’m also intrigued about those who work part time but husband shares childcare 50% ? Unless husband also works part time how is this actually possible? My husband earns almost triple my wage but his job is very high pressure, he’s out 7-7 mon-fri and a lot of the time has to take calls and emails in the evening as well. I’m going back to work next month doing 27 hours over 3 days so although it’d be lovely to have a 50/50 dynamic I’m not sure that’s going to happen when I’m off 4 days a week.

This.

Everything I post on SM is true, but what I don't post are the tantrums, or the bags under my eyes after a night with a 2 year old climbing on top of me every ten minutes, or the pile of pots for washing up in the kitchen, or my over flowing laundry basket.

I don't stage photos, I just snap a few while we're out and about and post them because I live 200+ miles from my whole family and it's easier for me to put them on my FB page for them to see than send them all things individually. I wouldn't bother if we lived closer and could see them more in person.

But they don't want to see the every day life stuff, only the happy, cute stuff. So I suppose other friends might think that's my life. Happy child, always out doing stuff, no problems.

Social media is fake as hell, you can fabricate any situation you like and stick it on there. Their lives will be far from perfect. They either have a lot of credit or they’re very wealthy to afford the shit you mention. None of it means they’re actually happy though, rest assured. Stuff doesn’t make you happy.