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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think these small comments from my Mum are actually quite mean?

82 replies

55j5 · 01/09/2024 16:26

My Mum is someone who comes across as so lovely, but sometimes she says things that I find really cutting and painful, even though they are small comments. For example, I went shopping with her and when we went for some food I was talking about the clothes I had just bought and saying how I really liked them, and she replied 'But it's not like you have anywhere to wear them as you never go out'. They were just casual clothes; I admit I have quite a small life, but they are just basic everyday clothes.

Another example is she is constantly gushing to me about my friends or her friends' daughters who are around my age. She is never positive about anyone else in the same way, only other women around my age. She will talk about how slim and gorgeous they are, or how bubbly and fun they are to be around, or how much money they make. It is completely over the top.

She also gives off the impression that I am just an unlikeable and easily forgettable person. An example is I was mentioning I was going to an old workplace of mine, and she said that my old colleagues wouldn't recognise or remember me as they didn't know me, even though I worked there for 2 years and it had been less than a year since I had left. When I emailed my university tutor for a reference, she said she would have forgotten who I was - she had been my tutor for 4 years at that point, and I had had weekly 1:1 meetings with her for months when she supervised my dissertation, and I had only graduated a few months beforehand. If anyone does anything nice for me, she implies it's because they feel sorry for me, or they have some underlying motive for doing so.

AIBU to think these kind of comments are said intentionally to be mean?

OP posts:
Marlena1 · 01/09/2024 16:37

My DM can be a bit like this. She is very invested in my friendships and gives a lot of (unsolicited) advice about what to say etc. It's very strange as she struggles with friendships and doesn't have many. She always tells me I'm "lucky" to have so many friends. I always want to say "it's because I'm a nice person"

Mary46 · 01/09/2024 16:35

Yes mine can be similar. Op dont tell her so much I realised I used do that. Now my answers are yes no. I dont tell her much

PinkyFlamingo · 01/09/2024 16:33

Of course they are mean. You need to stand up for yourself and call her out on them.

username44416 · 01/09/2024 16:33

Some people need a good slap with a wet fish. She has low self esteem and she's projecting her feelings onto you. I would see her less until I had better boundaries so her belittling comments didn't bother me.

"Of course they'll remember me mum, I'm fabulous."

Pomegranatecarnage · 01/09/2024 16:33

That’s really upsetting. YANBU. I wonder why she does that? I would have to respond by saying, “why are you saying that?” “Why are you constantly trying to put me down?”

hertsnessex · 01/09/2024 16:31

YANBU. she sounds insecure and threatened x

Enterthewolves · 01/09/2024 16:30

YANBU, that’s just mean - she sounds jealous