To end the friendship with toxic person... but how?

The fact she has spread horrible lies about people who have broke off friendships with her works in your favour. People will see she has for. For lying / causing drama / talking shit and just assume it’s more of the same. They won’t know what’s true and what isn’t.

I would just withdraw and ghost her, leave longer between texts, don’t respond to requests to meet. You could just directly and without a big fall out say the friendship isn’t working for you anymore and leave it at that.

Agree with a PP, ask her for a large loan.

She sounds like an absolute nightmare in general but it’s the fact that you always come away feeling like you’re in the wrong that makes her a truly ‘toxic friend’.
Not a friend, but I have a relative like this and in the end I had to stop all contact for my own well being and that of my other family members. It wasn’t particularly pleasant at the time but once it was all over I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I initially feared that she’d gossip and spread lies about me but a good friend who had been supporting me said listen, people aren’t stupid. Everyone will be fully aware of the kind of person she is and will take anything she says with a pinch of salt. She can be very charming and people fall in love with her the moment they meet her but as my friend said, people aren’t daft and it never takes long for them to catch on to what a person is really like. The sooner you get this person out of your life the better. I can understand you wanting to avoid a confrontation if you think she might turn nasty and although I don’t think ghosting someone is necessarily the right thing to do under normal circumstances, I don’t think she deserves any better. Do you think that she’d get the hint if you just started avoiding her and not replying to her texts? X

This!

No need for drama, no need for anything to be said. If she texts just say you are just swamped at the moment with work, kids, etc that you don’t have a moment to yourself.

Unless you met up weekly, surely it’s fairly easy to avoid getting together.

I get that, totally, but I’d hope that the amount of people she’s done that to would be enough for folk to realise it’s her. It’s not that easy though. I know this would be a lie but I’d say I was feeling depressed, I was taking new anti depressants and I was feeling pretty bad on them right now. Then try and grey rock her. Might not be honest but it’s what I’d try because I understand when you’ve told folk stuff and it’s terrifying. I hate thinking about people going through stuff like this.

With these type of people you just have to assume that those who know you well won't believe it, those who do believe it aren't worth anything to you anyway.

I've had a couple of instances where I've been bad mouthed by people when I've cut them off, my real friends have stuck by me and anyone else can fuck off quite frankly! It's very liberating to realise you don't care what other people think of you!

so op

im sort of failing to see the big issue

you work, single parent presumably very busy
she’s made loads of enemies
you’re worried about her spreading stuff
most won’t take seriously
those the do…. 🤷
talk to your ex about any shit that might come flying out of her mouth
and you’re leaving so really… why do you care what anyone in this hellish sounding community (cult!) thinks

in that case

style it out

you’re off soon (does your ex know?)

get off it op
sounds hellish

If she's a shit-stirring liar who has peddled crap about a load of people - and subsequently lost friends for it - nobody is going to give a toss about what she says about you. If you're amicable with your ex-husband, I'd also possibly have a quiet word with him about the friendship. If your daughters aren't friends anymore, this is also a strong reason to heavily cut back on the 'friendship'.

this “community” sounds fucking awful

Hi X
Im going to take a break from our relationship. Finding it exhausting to recover from all the drama in your life and I need to save my energy to protect my own mental health.

As for your ex and her new boyfriend... you can't control what others do. But you can control what YOU say and do.

' I'm not in the mood for meeting up at the moment. I'll contact you when/if I get my mojo back. Hope all is well on your side.'

If your children are no longer friends, what does it matter?

This thread is really confusing.

and so if she’s lost many friends for appalling behaviour then limited impact if she spread stuff

Priority number one: you have to stop caring about what she does or what she might say about you. I mean, who actually gives a shit? Gossipy people generally have empty lives and mince for brains.

Perhaps one final text along the lines of "I need to step back from our friendship. I wish you every happiness in your life. Best wishes, LaaLaaLady."

Then block her.

Let your silence speak volumes. No responses. No denials, justifications or explanations.

Life's too short for putting up with arseholes.